“And you’re okay that I’m not ready for a key yet?” she asked carefully.
I snorted, and she narrowed her eyes. “I’m not laughing at the idea of you with a key. I find it humorous that you and I both keep falling into a trap where we compare ourselves to Sanders and Mackenzie, who have been dating since they were in diapers. We don’t need to compare ourselves to them or anyone.”
“I guess that means it’s a no on the key. And for that, I’m grateful. And no, you’re not getting a key to the girls’ house.”
“That is just fine with me.”
As we walked up to my bedroom, I held her hand, remembering the first time we had done this and how nervous yet excited I had been. The nerves that I held this time were far different, and I wondered what would happen once we finished talking to one another.
“Talk to me,” I said as I pulled her onto the bed with me. We tumbled into one another, moving to sit against the headboard. She snuggled against me, and I was grateful. We could see each other’s faces if we turned a bit, but for now, we could speak while just listening to each other’s breathing. And maybe that was good. I didn’t know if I could tell her everything if I had to see her face.
“Dinner with my parents went off like I expected. With a bit of a twist.”
I stiffened, forcing myself to relax my hold so I wouldn’t hurt her. “How?”
“They went on and on about my major and how I wasn’t good enough, how I wasn’t making the right decisions...and it got progressively worse as the night went on.”
“I’m sorry. You didn’t need to deal with that.”
“No, I didn’t. And it got me all twisted up, and then Mom started talking about you.”
I blinked and pulled away slightly so I could look at her. “What?”
“I didn’t tell her I was dating anyone, mostly because it’s none of their business and I didn’t want them to overreact when I already had enough to deal with. But Mom could find no other reason for me to be distracted, so she made up this guy I was dating. The fact that you’re real wasn’t lost on me. She went on and on about how I needed to look out for myself and not let a man lead me or change my ambitions. She was mean about it, and it somehow got twisted up in my head that the reason this semester has been hard and that I’m doing too much or can’t keep up is because I’m with you.”
I swallowed hard, my stomach twisting. “Oh?” I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say to that, so I leaned back and listened.
She shook her head, tears falling again. “I hate fucking crying,” she grumbled, and I leaned down and kissed the tears from her cheeks. “It’s fine. You’re allowed to cry.”
“It’s just because I’m angry. At her. At myself. But not at you. I may be overextending myself and trying to do everything, but that’s not your fault. We have time with each other and with others, and I hope I’m not taking up all of your spare time either. But you’ve never pushed me into anything that I didn’t want. Yet, somehow, I let my mother make me think differently for a second. Maybe it’s because I wanted to because I was scared. I don’t know, and that’s something I need to figure out. But I didn’t need to lash out at you today in the process. Nor did I need to make you feel like anything but who you are—and that’s someone I care about. That I enjoy spending time with.”
“I see,” I said, relaxing and yet tense all at the same time. Mostly because I had no idea what I wanted, and ultimately, I couldn’t help but like what I had right here, especially in my arms.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, Elise, but I enjoy spending time with you. And I’m not going to stifle your ambitions or stand in the way of what you want. You only need to tell me what you want so I can make sure I’m not stepping on your toes.”
“You’re wonderful, Dillon. I was all twisted up inside for reasons that had nothing to do with you, and yet your face was the one that ended up getting twisted up in all those thoughts. I’m sorry.”
“You’ve apologized, and there’s nothing else to apologize for. Other than on my account.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
I explained to her about Dave and about what’d happened at the bar. She paled, staring at me. “Are you okay?”
“I am. Well, as okay as I can be when I’m dealing with the dumbass that is my father.”
“You don’t have to call him that. You can call him by his name or any number of horrible nicknames. You don’t have to call him your dad or your father.”
I frowned, studying her face. “Why?”
“Because the corners of your eyes tense, and your whole body stiffens whenever you say that. And I can usually tell when you’re thinking of him in that fashion. It’s hurting you. You don’t need to call him by a title he’s never earned.”
And right then, I knew I was falling in love with Elise. And that was going to be a fucking problem.
“I don’t even know what to call him. It’s just easier to use that so people understand the twisted connection rather than just using a man’s name. I use Dave around my brothers and roommates now. I get it. I just don’t know what to do.”
“I get that.”
“So, there’s something that we’ve all been worried about, and I need you to be safe.”
She nodded as I explained to her about how my brothers were worried that my dad might show up anywhere that I had been.
“Do you think he’s
