“I removed my robe and we entered the sauna holding our towels and found a spot. I couldn’t believe my wife was sitting naked next to me—in public! The fact she was willing to be naked around people, and what I really mean is other men… Well, you can imagine the rest. It was very invigorating for both of us.”
His story was invigorating me. Plus, I now had to imagine Meg, still quite a looker, naked and mixing with other men. I put Susan in the picture and, well, it was invigorating.
“So, when I asked how you felt over Susan’s little incident, I was thinking of my experiences with Meg. For some reason, Meg being seen naked by other men had a tremendous effect on me. Of course, in your case, Susan was wearing her underwear. In some ways, that could be an even more potent situation.”
I got Harold’s point. There was no question his experiences with Meg and mine with Susan had interesting similarities in how we both felt about them.
Was there more to Harold’s story?
“I admit Susan’s predicament was not without a few overtones, or whatever, that strike a few of the same notes. I can say it enlivened things for us.”
“You fucked like horny teenagers after. Excuse my French.”
“That would be an accurate summary.” Surprisingly, I wasn’t shocked by his statement. It was spot on.
“I can say it changed things for us,” said Harold. “That happened right around the seven-year mark. It was like punching a reset button. We’d been drifting a little before then. Of course, I’m speaking about in the bedroom. We’d lost the spark. Her being naked like that in the sauna with a bunch of men reignited it. It’s been burning brightly ever since.”
“All thanks to your yearly trips to Europe.”
“Well, let’s say Europe is where we discovered how to keep the flame going. We’ve applied this knowledge elsewhere, but there’s no need to get into specifics.”
I took this to mean they broadened their experiences along lines that involved Meg’s being naked, and circumstances that would permit or require it. Harold was right. Specifics weren’t essential to my complete understanding. My intuition filled in the blanks.
“As we’re speaking frankly, Harold, I can add that Susan found her experience with the neighbor ‘invigorating’ too. She mentioned something about it feeling ‘naughty’ in a way, even though it wasn’t intentional. We joked about it.”
“Right. We’re taught to keep our clothes on. That was Meg’s theory. When she willfully went naked in the sauna, she was breaking the rules. Only husbands get to see their wives naked. We supposed that, when other men saw her, it triggered powerful carnal instincts in both of us.”
I didn’t follow exactly. “What sorts of primal instincts?”
“Take jealousy, for example. What’s really going on there? Let’s say your wife chooses to be with another man. You feel all sorts of agony if that happens. Also, your physical desire for her escalates into the stratosphere. You’re overcome with it. I mean, you’re losing your mate, and that threatens not only your happiness but the survival of your genes.
“So, what do you want to do most in that situation? You want to plant your seed. You want your seed in there before the other guy plants his. It’s as simple as that, mainly because there’s no other explanation. Why would you want to make love to someone who has cheated on you? Because it threatens your biological mandate.
“When I see Meg naked around other men, my limbic system is on overdrive. They call it our ‘lizard brain’, where all our primal instincts are still operating. This isn’t occurring consciously, of course, but your body responds nonetheless. Your other brain takes over, the one in your trousers.”
His summary made perfect sense. He’d clearly given it much thought, and I trusted his brain, the one sitting on his neck. He was a very bright guy.
“You’re saying when Susan told me about my neighbor seeing her in her underwear, my lizard brain kicked in.”
“That’s my theory.”
“What’s going on in a woman's mind in this scenario?”
Harold thought for a moment while the waiter cleared our plates.
“I believe in her case it’s a win-win. It’s in her interest to be attractive to potential mates for survival. She may be happily married and not want to attract other men, but her body and instincts have their own minds on the matter. Her heart might speed up and skin flush when meeting an attractive man. She’ll even lubricate—even if she’s not interested. Behaviorally, that sends her endorphins into overdrive. It’s a pleasant experience. We call that behavior flirting. Flirting, of course, is often a precursor to mating.
“There’s another thing to consider, and recent science supports it: Women lose interest in monogamous relationships far sooner than men. Evolutionarily speaking—and don’t repeat this to any woman—her job is to attract potential mates. A long-term husband is already in the bag, so it’s a done deal. But her biological mandate is a ticking time bomb. Her lizard brain compels her to seek new mates too. Hence the Seven-Year-Itch. In fact, this applies to women more than men.”
“Jesus,” I said. “I’m not sure if that’s comforting or worrisome.”
“It’s just information. How you respond to it is the thing.”
I guessed Harold and Meg responded by becoming sauna aficionados as well as all the rest he chose not to share. I could see how that worked. The key was to not bury the feelings rising from your primal instincts and use them constructively. You needed to find a way to vent that steam with no one getting hurt.
Susan’s experience had opened a trap door. The only way not to fall through it was to acknowledge its existence. There was no escaping our evolutionary past or the elemental instincts that propelled us into the current century.
Boys
