“It’s not,” Dad said more forcefully. “You’re doing the right thing going to New Orleans for that job. You were happy there.”
“I was but I’m not anymore. I want to come home. You can’t stop me.” I knew I sounded like an insolent teenager, but I wouldn’t be dissuaded. I knew what had happened and nothing he said would change my mind.
He shook his head. “We’re not done talking about this.”
I bit my lip. I was. My mind was made up and nothing they could say would change it. Gabe already spoke the truth even if no one else wanted to admit it: I’d selfishly left Caleb and tried to replace him with Zach. I was the worst sister. The worst person. I had my fun in New Orleans but now it was time to take care of my responsibilities. My parents were getting older and my brother was too large for them to handle. They couldn’t stop him from walking out the front door. But if me staying home kept my brother content and inside his house then I’d do it.
I always knew I’d be back. It was just a little sooner than I’d thought.
The doctor came out a few hours later to explain to say the surgery had been a success. The guilt of Caleb’s injuries was almost too much to bear. I stared at the tiled floor through tear-filled eyes trying to focus on just breathing: one breath in and one breath out. I’d survive this. I needed to get it together so I could be there for my family.
He was going to be in the hospital for a few days, so I made sure the house was stocked with food and my parents had everything they needed while they were going back and forth to the hospital. I also researched GPS tracking devices used for those with autism. I needed one with a locking mechanism he couldn’t remove and needed to make sure local responders would be familiar with whichever one we chose. The task kept me busy and Gabe off my mind.
He’d texted a few times asking to talk and if I was okay. Isaac must have told him about the phone call I got and assumed something was wrong with my brother, so I responded to say Caleb was going to be fine. But he hadn’t apologized for what he’d said to me that night.
I was going to miss Zach’s sixteenth birthday if I stayed, which didn’t sit well with me. I wanted to know if he was still in school—if anything had come of the family services investigation. I couldn’t talk to Gabe though. It was bad enough that what happened with Caleb was my fault. I couldn’t handle his accusations about Zach too.
I was drowning in guilt and shame and that overshadowed the fact that I loved and missed Gabe. I didn’t deserve him or Zach. I used them to escape from my issues at home. Gabe was right to remind me that I was selfish.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
TAYLOR
When Caleb came home a few days later, my Dad helped maneuver him to the couch.
“It’s good to have you home,” I said to Caleb as I sat next to him. I squeezed his hand and turned on the TV. When Dad left the room, I said, “You really scared me. Please don’t do that again.”
The doctors had said he understood us for the most part, but he wasn’t able to speak. When it came to asking him what he wanted to eat or watch on TV it was pretty easy to communicate with a squeeze of his hand but when it was something more complex I wasn’t sure.
I hoped he understood our fear and wouldn’t do it again. But if he didn’t, the GPS tracker that would arrive soon would provide peace of mind for me and my parents. After a few minutes, Caleb fell asleep, his head against the back of the couch.
I moved to the kitchen where my parents were speaking in hushed voices.
“Is he okay?” Mom asking, rising from her chair.
“Yeah, he’s asleep.” I sat across from her at the table.
Mom sank back into her chair. “Good, he’s probably exhausted from being in the hospital and traveling home.”
I’d taken initiative and purchased the tracker without talking to them. I wanted to help out and relieve some of the burden for my parents. I hoped they didn’t mind. “I researched GPS trackers while you were in the hospital.”
Dad raised his brow. “Good. I wanted to do that once we were home.”
“I hope it’s okay that I picked one out and ordered it. I made sure it had a locking mechanism and the EMTs here are familiar with it.”
“I trust you.”
I sighed in relief. I’d contemplated waiting for them to approve but I wanted the device sooner rather than later. Not only had the task kept my mind off of Gabe but it made me feel useful. There wasn’t much for me to do while he was in the hospital. “It would make me feel better if he wore one all of the time.”
“Yes, it’s a necessity at this point. I can’t worry about him wandering out of the house. I’ll never be able to relax or sleep,” Mom said.
“How are you holding up?” Dad asked.
I smiled but it felt fake. “Fine.” I tried to hide my feelings, but I wasn’t sure I was doing a good job. I felt close to tears all of the time and I was having trouble eating and sleeping. Guilt hung over me like a black cloud.
“You’re not.” Dad got up to pour coffee.
My jaw
