“Are you done?” I looked from one to the other, so I caught the concerned look Mom gave Dad.
“Yes, but honey—this is what’s best and it’s our decision to make,” Mom said.
“He’s on a waitlist so it won’t happen tomorrow, but we’re planning for the future—when we’re too old to care for him,” Dad said.
It seemed selfish, though. The worst kind of selfish. Unloading our burden to the state so we could live our lives. Shaking my head, I walked out of the room. “I can’t deal with this right now.”
I barely restrained myself from slamming the door to my childhood bedroom. How could I ever come back here to my home if Caleb didn’t live here? I couldn’t stand the thought of him not being here. I cried until there were no more tears left and then my phone buzzed. It was probably Hadley—she’d been in touch almost daily since I’d left.
Instead it was Gabe. My heart rate picked up.
Gabe: How are things?
Was he only contacting me because of Caleb or did he want to apologize?
Taylor: Caleb came home today so we’ll see how it goes.
My phone rang, indicating Gabe was calling. Should I answer? He knew I was here, and it would be nice to hear his voice.
“Are you okay?” Gabe’s concerned voice rumbled in my ear as soon as I pressed accept.
His voice was so familiar, pain shot through my chest. “Yeah, I’m okay.” I wasn’t but it had nothing to do with Caleb being hurt and everything to do with my parents’ plans.
“You don’t sound okay.”
“It was a rough day, that’s all. You know how family can be.”
“Probably not the same way you mean.”
His family wasn’t there for him at all. “Maybe not. Just some news that was upsetting but nothing that concerns you.”
“Everything to do with you concerns me.”
I bristled at that. “Not anymore.” Not after he’d accused the person he allegedly loved as betraying him.
“Taylor, I need to talk to you about that night.” His voice sounded desperate.
“Why now?” Why was he so quick to jump to conclusions?
“I’ve been dealing with family services and trying to figure out what happened.”
I stayed quiet because I wanted to hear if he’d realized I wasn’t the one who told family services. I was torn between hopeful and annoyed he’d accused me so easily. The hope scared me the most because despite telling him not to contact me I didn’t want to walk away.
“Zach told the school counselor Lizzie wanted him to drop out of school to earn money for the household. The counselor made the call. Then Lizzie claimed I was abusing Zach to take the heat off of her. She finally admitted it was a lie.”
“That’s good news.” My voice was flat. None of what he said meant much to me. I was happy Gabe wasn’t suspected of anything, but it didn’t change the fact that he’d accused me of talking to the social worker.
“I’m so sorry I accused you. That I came at you like that. I realized I was wrong but when I came to you the next morning you didn’t answer the door.”
I was already gone by then—on a flight to Maryland. “I flew home because Caleb was hurt.”
“Isaac told me you’d gotten a call from your family that sounded bad and when I called your work, they said you were on medical leave, so I figured it had something to do with Caleb. I wanted to wait until Caleb was better before we talked about us.”
It seemed like too little too late. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Gabe. You’ve always been like that. Reeling me in, deciding I’m wrong for you, and then pushing me away. I’m tired of it and frankly I have bigger things to worry about.” Like my parents’ decision to place Caleb on the waitlist for state housing.
“I’ll give you time, but this isn’t over.” He voice was determined.
An unwelcome thrill shot through me at his words. I wasn’t supposed to want him back. “It’s been over since you accused me of betraying you. I’ve never given you any reason to distrust me.”
“You haven’t. This is my fucked-up past coming back. It’s not you.”
I chewed my nail—a habit I’d broken in college but was now back full force. “I told you I wouldn’t take you back again.” I couldn’t keep doing this back and forth with him.
“I love you and I know you still love me. I’m not giving up. Can I ask when you’re coming home?” His last question was hesitant and unsure.
“I’m not sure. Dean said I could have as much time as I want, and Caleb needs me.”
“Okay.”
Was this it? Would he let me go, and if he did, would I be okay with that? I’d been so overwhelmed with everything going on with my family I’d pushed away thoughts of Gabe and how his accusation had shaken me. I put myself out there—loving someone for the first time despite my reservations—only for him to throw everything back in my face. He’d voiced my greatest shame out loud—that I was selfish in leaving Caleb.
“You were right about some things. I was selfish by moving to New Orleans, leaving my baby brother here with my parents, and maybe I was substituting my need to care for Caleb to you and Zach.”
“No, Taylor—I never should have said that. It wasn’t right. You’re the most unselfish person I’ve ever met.”
“No, Gabe. You were right. It was the wake-up call I needed. I should be thanking you. My brother was upset that I left and he acted out.” I was resigned. Nothing he could say would change my mind.
“Taylor—”
“No, Gabe.” I was more tired than I’d ever been. I was weary of the situation with Caleb, weary of this conversation with Gabe. “I don’t want to argue with you. I’m where I’m supposed to be.” Tears filled my eyes and I tried to suck
