‘Well, you’re wasting your time. I’ve already told you, I’m brilliant, wonderful, marvellous. I’ve never felt better in my life. So back off.’
Minnie gave me a deeply sceptical look. ‘Then why haven’t you gone back to school?’
‘’Cause I don’t want everyone pointing their fingers at me and whispering behind my back and feeling sorry for me.’
‘And why do you always look like you’ve just stopped crying or you’re just about to start?’
‘You need to get your eyes tested.’
‘And why have you taken to wearing leggings and baggy T-shirts and jumpers?’
I was really beginning to lose it now. ‘Minerva, what’s the matter with you? Since when have you been the least bit interested in what I wear?’
‘You are pregnant, aren’t you? The T-shirts and jumpers are just to hide the fact that your pregnancy is beginning to show.’
‘No, they’re not. I’m only wearing them because . . . because . . .’ And like a moron, I burst into tears, burying my head in my hands.
Minnie was immediately at my side, her arm around my shoulders.
‘Oh, Sephy, you idiot! Why didn’t you just come right out and say so? I could’ve helped you. We all could’ve helped you. Why d’you always insist on doing everything the hard way?’
‘Minnie, I don’t know what to do,’ I sniffed. ‘I’ve thought and thought and there’s no way out.’
‘Ignoring your growing stomach isn’t going to alter the fact that you’re pregnant,’ Minnie said, exasperated. ‘What were you thinking?’
‘It’s all right for you. You’re not the one who’s pregnant. I am,’ I said angrily.
‘You’re going to have to tell Mother . . .’
I pulled away from Minnie and stared at her. ‘Have you lost your mind?’
‘Sephy, sooner or later she’s going to find out for herself. Even if you manage to hide your entire pregnancy, how d’you expect to hide a baby?’
‘I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far ahead.’
‘Well, you’d better start.’
‘Minnie, promise me you won’t say a word to anyone,’ I begged.
‘But Sephy . . .’
‘Please. Promise me. I’ll tell Mother but it has to be in my own time and in my own way. OK?’
‘OK, I promise. But don’t leave it much longer or I may change my mind.’
I nodded gratefully. I’d bought myself a few more days, possibly a few more weeks.
‘D’you want to talk about what happened with the kidnappers?’
I shook my head.
‘I take it the father is one of your kidnappers?’
I didn’t answer.
Minnie stood up. ‘Well, just remember, if you do want to talk, my bedroom is right next door to yours. OK?’
‘OK.’
The moment Minnie left my room, I flung myself down on my bed, weeping like I’d only just discovered how to do it. All my plans had turned to ashes and dust. All my dreams and schemes for the future had turned into . . . a baby.
one hundred and eight.
Callum
‘What about you, Callum? What would you do with all the money in the world?’
Gordy must’ve seen from my face what I thought of the question.
‘Oh, come on. It’s just a bit a fun,’ Gordy teased.
Four months had passed since . . . since the kidnapping. I was working as a car mechanic three hundred kilometres away from home in a place called Sturham. The December afternoon was already getting dark. The heating in the garage was supposedly turned right up, but it was still chilly, and the work was mind-numbingly boring but I was glad of it. It stopped me from brooding all day, every day. And the guys I worked with weren’t bad. Gordy was a nought who’d worked as a car mechanic since he was thirteen. He was now fifty-seven and he was still a car mechanic. Nothing had changed for him. Tomorrow was going to be the same as yesterday as far as he was concerned. He was just punching time until he died. I looked at him and saw my uncles and Old Man Tony and even my dad – until Lynette had died. I looked at him and was so afraid I was seeing myself in ten, twenty, thirty years time.
Rob was a couple of years older than me. He was a talker. He was going to change the world by using the only means at his disposal, by grumbling about it. I’d only been working here for three weeks and already I’d had to hide my fists behind my back and go and sit in the toilets for a good ten minutes to stop myself from swinging for him. He drove me nuts.
‘Well? Don’t you have any dreams – or are you too good to share them with the likes of us?’ Gordy teased.
I forced myself to smile. ‘I don’t like to dwell on what I’ll never have,’ I shrugged.
‘You never know,’ Rob said, inanely.
‘So what would you do?’ Gordy urged.
‘Build a rocket and leave this planet. Live on the moon or some place else. Any place else,’ I answered.
‘If you had all the money in the world, you wouldn’t have to live on the moon. You could do whatever you liked right here,’ said Rob.
‘D’you know what they call a nought with all the money in the world?’ I asked.
Rob and Gordy shook their heads.
‘A blanker,’ I told them.
They didn’t laugh. They weren’t supposed to.
‘Things would change if we had a ton of money,’ Rob tried to tell me.
I tried – and failed – to keep the pitying look off my face. ‘It takes more than money, Rob. It takes determination and sacrifice and . . . and . . .’
Rob and Gordy were both looking at me like I’d lost my mind. I shut up.
‘Just ignore me,’ I told them ruefully.
‘We’ll have to call you the deep one,’ Gordy said. ‘Or better yet, the profound one.’
‘Don’t you dare,’ I warned him.
‘We will come to you for spiritual guidance!’ Gordy bowed low, his hands together as if in prayer. ‘Oh, profound one, share your mystical insights with us. Enlighten us . .
