I had to see her.
I was going to see her.
one hundred and eleven.
Sephy
He’s out there. I don’t have to see him to know he’s out there. He’s down there in the rose garden, just below my window. I can sense it. I can sense him. My whole body is tingling and my mouth is dry and my stomach keeps flipping over like a pancake. What should I do? What will I do if he says the same as Mother and Dad?
Go and see him, Sephy. You owe yourself that much. You owe him that much.
Go and see him.
one hundred and twelve.
Callum
The entire rose garden was now under glass in what had to be the biggest greenhouse I’d ever seen. I’d snuck into it past the guard, only to be knocked back by the overpowering scent of the roses. They’d grown since the last time I was here – a lifetime ago. The arches and trestle woodwork were now completely covered with rose stems and thorns and flowers. It was hard to make out all the colours in the dark. Each flower melted into the next and the next.
Was she up at the house now?
Would she come?
‘Callum?’ The merest whisper behind me but it was enough. I spun around, my heart racing, my palms sweating. She stood less than a metre away. How had she managed to get so close without me hearing her? My mind had been pre-occupied, remembering . . . But seeing her again was like . . . was like a lightning bolt hitting my heart. She was wearing a dark-coloured dress, burgundy or maybe blue. It was hard to tell. And her hair was shorter. But her eyes were the same as they always were.
I opened my mouth to speak but the words wouldn’t come. Instead I gaped pathetically like a drowning fish.
‘You shouldn’t’ve come here,’ Sephy whispered, her gaze never moving from my face. ‘It isn’t safe.’
‘I had to,’ Was that really my voice, so hoarse and strange? ‘I had to.’ I tried again. ‘Is it true?’
‘Yes.’
We watched each other. And then she stepped forward and put her arms around my waist and rested her head on my shoulder. I immediately pulled her closer. She was having a baby. Our baby. I could hardly breathe for the wonder of it. I placed a finger under her chin to raise her head, and I kissed her. She hugged me tighter, returning my kiss, our tongues dancing together. And in that moment, the ice inside me shattered into a trillion pieces. We shared a world of hope and regret and pleasure and pain in that one kiss, until we were both breathless and dizzy. I moved away slightly to rest my hands on her abdomen. Her hands covered mine. Her stomach was only sightly rounded but the moment I touched her, a frisson of electricity passed right through me. Like my child inside her was trying to connect with me somehow. She was carrying our child. I looked into Sephy’s face but I could hardly see her for the tears in my eyes.
‘If it’s a boy, I’m going to call him Ryan after your dad.’
‘If it’s a girl, call her . . . call her Rose,’ I said, looking around.
‘Callie Rose.’
‘Hell, no!’
‘Hell, yes!’
We both started to laugh. It felt so strange. Unusual. Peculiar. One look at her face and I knew Sephy wasn’t going to give in on this. ‘OK. Callie Rose, it is.’
Sephy moved to hold me once more. ‘I thought I’d never see you again.’
‘Sephy . . .’ I had to ask. ‘A-about that night . . .’
‘Yes?’
‘Why did you cry?’
Sephy stepped away from me, her gaze dropping. ‘Don’t ask me that.’
‘Did I hurt you? If I did, I’m sorry. I . . .’
‘Of course you didn’t. You know you didn’t.’
‘Then why?’
At first I thought she wasn’t going to answer, but then she looked straight at me and I held my breath as she began to speak. ‘When we made love, I knew I loved you. That I always have and that I always will. But I also realized what you’d been trying to tell me all these years. You’re a Nought and I’m a Cross and there’s nowhere for us to be, nowhere for us to go where we’d be left in peace. Even if we had gone away together when I wanted us to, we would’ve been together for a year, maybe two. But sooner or later, other people would’ve found a way to wedge us apart. That’s why I started crying. That’s why I couldn’t stop. For all the things we might’ve had and all the things we’re never going to have.’
‘I understand.’ And I did. I’d been hurting inside over the same thing for most of my life.
‘When you said . . .’ Sephy paused, looking embarrassed. ‘When you said you loved me . . . Did you mean it? I don’t mind if you didn’t . . .’ She rushed on. ‘Well, I do but . . . I mean . . .’
I held out my hands and she put hers in mine, looking at me ruefully. Love was like an avalanche, with Sephy and I hand-in-hand racing like hell to get out of its way – only, instead of running away from it, we kept running straight towards it.
‘Let’s get out of here,’ I smiled. ‘Let’s go away. We can be together,
