Rae’s better at visiting and remembering things like checking in and making sure Mom doesn’t need anything, which is why I’m pulling into my mom’s driveway. Rae reminded me that Mom got her new job as the superintendent of the school district she’s been working at for the past nineteen years and I came to celebrate with her.
I shut off my car and lean back in my seat, taking in the house. It’s dark blue and has white-painted bricks along the front and a giant picture window with shutters with peeling red paint. Like the rest of the houses on the block, it was built in the eighties and has a carport rather than a garage, and hasn’t had any updates since it was built. Grandpa said the house was a steal because Seattle’s real estate market has soared over the past ten years, yet I struggle to see that as my gaze bounces around the overgrown shrubs and trees and the chipped edging around the flower bed that housed mostly weeds this past summer. Inside, the projects only continue.
I knock twice. Mom pulls open the door with a smile that grows when she sees the flowers I’m holding. “You didn’t need to get these.”
“It’s not every day my mom gets the big job. Congrats, by the way.” I pull her into a hug.
Mom pulls back with a weary smile. “Thanks, Pax.” She recently cut her hair, remarking it was time for the change.
“I like your hair,” I tell her.
She raises a hand and gingerly touches it. “I’m learning how to take care of it. It seems crazy that I didn’t know I had curly hair or how to treat it for the past sixty years.” She pulls the door open even wider. “Come on in.”
I blink several times as I take in the newly painted purple walls. “Wow,” I remark. “It’s … purple.”
She grins as she closes the door. “It’s lilac.” She looks around. “I can’t decide if I like it.”
I swallow my words to encourage her not to like it and suggest painting a more neutral color. “If you like it, you should keep it.”
“You don’t think people will consider if I’m nuts for having a lilac living room?”
I shrug. “Who cares what they think.”
Mom’s smile turns grateful like she needed to hear this assurance. I know her divorce has been challenging. All of her friends were “their” friends, just like many places she liked to go to eat and get coffee.
“You ready for your first day on the job?” I ask, following her to the large gray sectional she bought to fill the room. “I like the couch,” I say before she can answer my question, taking a seat beside her. “It’s comfortable.”
Mom laughs. “I need Rae to come over and help me decorate the place, but I like the couch, too.”
“We can get some more stuff done today.”
Mom releases a heavy breath. “I’m not really in the mood to work on the house. I forgot how much work house projects are.” Mom and Dad had lived in their last house for seventeen years, and while there was an endless to-do list, they had done many of the larger projects like painting and buying new area rugs, and fencing in the backyard long ago. “How was the party last night?”
I shrug.
Mom chuckles. “Don’t tell your sister. She worked really hard on it.”
“It wasn’t bad. I don’t mean to sound like such a jerk. Everyone had a good time.”
“I’m sure this year feels different,” Mom says, nodding.
“It does. This is the first year Candace and I haven’t celebrated Halloween together since I was in high school.”
Mom stares at me. She’s also not a member of Candace’s fan club, but she’s never been as outwardly opposed to our relationship, either.
“I know you and Candace have broken up before, but it seems different this time. You seem different.”
I nod. “It is. It has to be. I can’t keep doing this. And after watching what you went through with Dad…” I shake my head. “I know that if Candace and I were to continue forcing this and trying to stay together, we’re just going to hurt each other. We already have.”
Mom places her hand on my knee, her lips tilted with a kind smile. “Your parents must have done a good job with you.”
I chuckle, placing my hand over hers. “Sorry I haven’t been around much.”
She shakes her head. “You’re busy. I understand. You’ve always been like me and get even busier when things are bothering you. I think it helps us weed through our thoughts and feelings.”
I think of all the extra hours I’ve put in at the gym over the past couple of weeks and time studying tape and cleaning the house with the excuse of the party.
“I know you can’t get up and leave like I did when everything started to fall apart, but it doesn’t mean you have to pretend to be happy, either. If you need some time just to be, you always have a room here. There are even new beds, and I finally bought bedding so you can sleep without freezing.”
I chuckle. “Did you knit the blankets? Because I might freeze if you did.”
She hits me with the back of her hand, her smile confirming I’m right. “No. I bought them.”
“Have you heard from Maggie lately?”
Mom nods. “She’s loving Nigeria. She’s on a mini-vacation to Zanzibar, Tanzania, this weekend. Did she send you pictures?”
“She sent me a picture of the ocean and how you could see her feet through the water. It was unreal.”
“I know. I thought our mild weather was pretty good until she sent me those pictures. I don’t think I’ve ever seen sand so light or water so clear.”
“Bucket list it, Mom.”
She smiles.
“I’m serious. You should make a list of places you want to
