Writing the Rules: A Fake Dating Standalone

to feel something for Chase as much as I didn’t want to, and then he treated me like a token of convenience, calling at two in the morning, which you know only means one thing. I’m almost grateful I was still living at home because I almost considered going a few times, and I probably would have gone and slept with him. But, I didn’t, and he lost interest like that.” I snap. “I want to date again. I want someone to call me before bed and create a watch list on Netflix. I want to feel that excitement that comes with going on a date and that feeling of being wanted. And having Mike know that I haven’t dated anyone since we broke up makes me feel exposed and vulnerable and embarrassed, and I hate this feeling. If I ignore and forget what I do or don’t feel toward Mike, I feel this sense of inferiority, and I know that’s wrong and stupid and childish and a dozen other things, but it’s how I feel.”

“First off, you’re gorgeous and brilliant. Any guy would be lucky to date you,” Raegan says, her gaze and tone firm. “I fully support you, I just have concerns about this arrangement. I’m worried that you and Pax are going to get into this, and he’s going to hang out with Candace, and somehow you’re going to pay the price.”

I expel a long breath through my nose. “I know, I’m a little worried I won’t be able to hold up my end of this bargain and actually help him avoid her, but at the same point, I’m not worried about myself. I mean, this is as platonic as it gets. No emotions, no feelings.”

“Do you think fake dating Pax will give you that boost of confidence to move on?”

Her words are carefully chosen as a reminder that she disapproves of Mike. “Maybe? I mean, everyone knows Pax. He said it himself—he’s basically a celebrity on campus.”

Rae’s eyes narrow. “Whatever you do or say, don’t admit that to him.”

I grin. “Deal.”

“How’s it going to work?” she asks, leaning back on my bed.

“I have no idea.”

Rae laughs, the sound filling my room. “You can’t tell the others that it’s fake,” she says, rolling to her side and tucking her hands under her face. “Arlo will tell everyone.”

“Pax doesn’t think Arlo would believe we’re dating.”

Her brow furrows like she feels the same note of indignation that I had when he’d told me this. “Of course he would. Everyone would. I mean, sure, it will be surprising because you guys don’t flirt or hang out, but—”

“No one’s going to believe this,” I say, covering my face with Peanut.

Rae peels the stuffed animal away from my face. “I’ll help you. If this is what you need and Pax thinks this is what he needs, then why not? But you guys should come up with some ground rules, so you know what to expect and so that he can meet your expectations as well. This has to be mutually beneficial to work.”

“You’re right,” I say, sitting up. “We need rules because those allow clear and definitive expectations, and that way, we can make this mutually constructive. I just need to figure out what I want.”

After Rae heads to her room, I pull out my journal and hold my pen. I have a callus on my middle finger at the top joint from all of the years of writing I’ve done. Still, a pen and paper feel like friends that I can turn to regardless of the situation and find comfort and solace.

Dear Diary,

Paxton proposed an idea today that I want to call crazy—because it is crazy—completely and totally crazy. He suggested we pretend to be in a fake relationship with each other. I’ve never understood why anyone would pretend to be dating someone else, and here I am, contemplating this arrangement with none other than Rae’s brother. I can tell Rae hates the idea. I’m not positive Paxton likes the idea. Hell, I’m not sure I like the idea. I mean, it’s Paxton.

I pause, my pen hovering over the paper. What significance does this hold? How do I translate all the feelings and doubt and everything else that I’m currently feeling?

I’ve known Paxton for most of my life. I know his middle name, birthday, and favorite dinner, yet he often seems like a stranger. I don’t think of him like a sibling like I do with Rae. If I were stranded somewhere, I’m not even sure I’d put him in the top ten contacts I’d try to reach to help me… Maybe this is a good thing? Perhaps it will make being around him easier? Or will it make it harder? Will it be strange to hold his hand? What if he tries kissing me?

I release a breath, and for the second time that I can remember, writing out my thoughts and feelings doesn’t bring comfort or peace or any semblance of understanding. It only draws questions.

Paxton’s not a bad-looking guy. I mean, he’s an attractive guy.

I pause for a second, picturing him in my mind. He’s incredibly attractive, or would be if he wasn’t my best friend’s brother.

But, do I want him to kiss me? Especially now when I’m not sure about what my feelings toward Mike represent? Raegan’s right. We need rules to help us define and understand what we’re getting ourselves into and help us accomplish … whatever it is that we’re trying to accomplish.

Paxton aside, what if I see Mike again? He’s going to Brighton now. I mean, the campus is huge, so the odds are in my favor, right? What if I see Maddie? She seems nice, which makes this situation even more confusing. I don’t want to be friends with her because it makes me feel guilty, which seems like a pretty damn clear sign that I need to avoid this and hope that if Paxton and I do this fake dating, what I might