“If something like that happens to Ari,” Phillip said calmly, “then it will be good for her to be at Mass General.” He smiled at his wife. “And when she comes home, we can help take care of our first grandchild.”
Alicia went so still she looked frozen. Then she burst into tears.
“Phillip, you know I’m not a natural mother, especially not with babies.” Alicia turned her head awkwardly to face Ari sitting behind her. “I always loved you, I always kept you clean and cuddled. I tried to nurse you but you had colic for three weeks and cried constantly and I cried constantly, too. When my mother came up, she was like the great maternal goddess who knew exactly the right thing to do with a baby. You have to remember that I had placenta previa and I almost died. I had to have a total hysterectomy. I struggled so hard to have what they called natural childbirth because that was what the best mothers did back then. It was like I was in some kind of torturous childbirth competition. But then you were breech, I almost died, and when I returned home from the hospital, I was exhausted and in constant pain. I have always loved you, even in the middle of the night when you woke me. But you made me feel like a failure.”
“You’ve told me all this before,” Ari said quietly. “I can apologize but I don’t think it was my fault. I wasn’t trying to lie the wrong way. I think you’ve been a wonderful mother. And I totally understand how you feel about babies. Some people are just that way and it doesn’t mean they are good or bad or anything. But anyway, I don’t want to live with you and Dad. I want to live by myself.”
“How will you be able to afford that when you won’t be able to work?” Alicia asked.
“For God’s sake, Alicia,” Phillip snapped. “Give the girl a break. Maybe she’ll live with her grandmother. Or if she wants to be in Boston, I’ll pay her rent for a year.”
Alicia continued to cry. “Have you never thought that I might want to have a second house in the mountains?”
Phillip looked at his wife sternly. “Have you never thought that I might want a house in the mountains? I prefer the mountains to the ocean, you know that.”
“If my mother would just sell her house, we would have plenty of money for Ari and for a second home for us.” Alicia blew her nose heartily into her embroidered handkerchief.
“If we sold our house in Wellesley, we would have plenty of money for Ari and a second home for us,” Phillip said.
“You can’t mean that!” Alicia cried. “We’ve made that house so beautiful. Everything is perfect in every room. We deserve some comfort as we get older! Plus, our house is wonderful for entertaining.”
“But it’s a lot for you to maintain,” Phillip argued. “Think of the freedom you would have to do other things if we lived in a condo. Not only would we have more free money but you would have more free time to do what you want. To do what we want.”
“What sorts of things?” Alicia was tempted, Ari could tell by the sound of her voice.
“Well, for example, to visit first-class resorts in the mountains and look at what kinds of houses are available.”
Alicia didn’t respond.
“And we could take some cruises,” Phillip said.
“But why would you want to do that?” Alicia asked. She folded her arms over her chest and stared out the passenger window. “And when would you have time? You are always working.”
They were on Route 9 now, always a congested highway, with a few cars ahead of them when the light turned red. When Ari was driving this route by herself, she either blasted music or used the time to make quick calls on her cellphone. It was as if the engineers had designed this particular part of the road to be especially frustrating so that drivers were caught in a cage of other cars, all with their motors rumbling. It provided the perfect environment for arguing.
Phillip suddenly turned to glare at his wife. “Why am I always working? It’s not enough to pay a mortgage on a house that we really can’t afford and also pay for our daughter’s college tuition and also and most insanely to pay for all of the galas you say we have to go to in order to help charities and especially to pay for the gowns you only wear once to attend the damned galas. Do you remember when I got out of med school and started at Mass General and was working all hours of the day and night, how we promised ourselves that when we got older, we would have time to spend with each other?”
“I remember,” Alicia answered softly but did not turn her head to look at her husband.
“So we had a wonderful life and a beautiful daughter and summer vacations on Nantucket, but it wasn’t enough for you. You wanted a bigger house and a flashy car and bigger diamonds and membership at country clubs. You wanted Ari to be sent to the best summer camp where she would meet the best people even though she could have spent all summer on Nantucket. I worked harder, you spent more time with your wealthy friends, and less time with me. The past year, you’ve spent more time finding out who the best caterers and florists are for Ari’s wedding and reception dinner than you ever spent with me. I could probably make a time chart to prove it.”
“I wanted our daughter’s wedding to be magical,” Alicia whispered.
“So we had to organize a sit-down meal for two hundred people up at the lodge on the lake,”
