“Why are you trying to push me away?” I suddenly cry. He looks sad for a second before pulling himself together. “Something’s wrong, I know it is. Why won’t you talk to me?”
“It’s easier to talk to everyone but you,” he mumbles. My heart squeezes. “You don’t listen. You think you do, but you’re so distracted, and that’s only when you’re not moaning in my fucking ear.”
His harsh words slay me. Nobody wants to be described as a nagging wife and I try my
hardest to avoid moaning at him, for that reason! “I’m making you unhappy.” I say it more as a statement than a question.
He knocks back the last of his drink. “Go back to bed.”
“Come with me,” I say. I hate it that I sound so needy. Why do I beg like that? He
shakes his head. “Please, Riggs.” His jaw clenches and he sighs before putting his glass on his desk. I feel a small satisfaction as he follows me upstairs to our room. I lay Willow, who has now settled, in her crib and climb into bed. Riggs strips down to his boxer shorts. He hasn’t touched me in months. The most I get these days is a kiss on the head, like I’m a child.
I move closer to him, snuggling into his side. He eventually wraps an arm around me. “I love you,” I whisper.
“I love you,” he whispers back and I smile. It’s these times that make me think we’ll make it. If we have love, then surely we have hope.
I run my fingers over his ripped chest, slowly making my way downwards. I lean up slightly and lay kisses along his strong jaw until I reach his mouth. I’ve almost forgotten what it's like to kiss him properly. I sweep my tongue into his mouth and gently push my hand into his boxer shorts. He’s soft. He’s not even stirring down below. I nip back along his jaw and down his neck, across his chest, and down his stomach.
He takes my arm, stilling me. “Not tonight,” he whispers.
I bite back the disappointment and nod, lying back down beside him. He kisses my cheek and rolls over, turning his back to me. A single tear escapes, rolling down my face. His rejection hurts more than his harsh words.
Willow wakes at four, then five, and when it gets to six, I give up and get out of bed. Riggs is awake, staring at the ceiling. “You want me to take her?” he asks.
“I’m awake now,” I mutter, lifting her from her crib and wondering just how long he laid there listening to her before I woke. Knowing he could have let me get some sleep just pisses me off more. “I know Willow is still young, but I’m thinking of looking for a part-time job,” I announce. Getting out of the club for a few hours is just what I need to take my mind off whatever’s going on between us.
“You’re right, she’s too young,” he mutters.
“She’s already taking formula over breast milk,” I say. “She’ll be fine with Frankie and Esther, and they offered to help out.” His mum, Frankie, was more than happy to help and my best friend's mum, Esther, also lives at the club and I see her like my own mum, so with the childcare covered, I’m all set. “My old job is free and Darren said he’d take me back anytime.”
“Darren? The guy who fancies you?” he asks. “You have it all worked out.”
“I think it’ll do us good,” I say quietly. “Give us a chance to miss each other.” It’s all excuses. He doesn’t see me during the day anyway, and at the minute, he doesn’t come to bed either.
“The answer is no,” he mutters, throwing the sheets back and reaching for his jeans.
“I wasn’t asking,” I say under my breath, leaving the room.
Leia is in the kitchen feeding her newborn baby. “Morning,” she smiles. She gave birth weeks ago and she’s looking amazing. Motherhood suits her.
“How do you look so amazing at this hour?”
“Plenty of coffee,” she says, grinning. “Plus, Chains did the night feeds.”
“Lucky you,” I mumble.
“Riggs not helping out?” she asks, her expression sympathetic.
“Not really.” I try not to tell the girls the exact extent of our problems. They all have their own stuff going on, and honestly, even I’m sick of hearing myself talk about it. But Leia is Riggs’ sister and I hate putting her in the middle, even though I consider her a good friend. “In other news, I might be going back to work.”
“Really?” she asks. “I thought you’d stay at home with Willow.”
I shrug. “I need to feel like me again. I love being a mum, but since Reggie, I have this continuous worry that I need to have my own money, just in case.”
“In case of what?” she asks. “Riggs would never see you without, you know that, and it’s not like you two are splitting up or anything,” she says, laughing. When I don’t laugh, her smile fades. “Anna?”
“I just need to get back to work. I asked my old boss for my cleaning job back and he said there’s plenty of work.”
“Wasn’t he a bit of a creeper?” she asks. “Does Riggs know about all of this? I don’t think he’ll be keen on you scrubbing floors again.”
“He’ll be fine about it. I spoke to him this morning. He just needs time to get used to the idea.”
She stares at me for a long second. “He’ll be fine? About you working for that creeper? About you scrubbing floors?” she asks, and I nod. “Right, something’s going on. Talk to me,” she says firmly.
The kitchen door opens and Riggs walks in. We fall silent. “Anna wants to go back to work,” Leia announces and I glare at her.
“I know,” he mutters, switching on the
