I have always been the sensible one. I have never had a girlie holiday but, if I did, and we all got tacky tee-shirts made up, mine would probably say ‘the sensible one’ or ‘I’ll have a coffee and then I’ll get on it.’ This used to be my catchphrase from past nights out on the town. Bet you wish you had a friend like me, hey. Well, it has some advantages as I would make sure you kept hydrated with lots of water, pretend I am buying you a vodka and coke but actually just buy you a coke. I would make sure you got home, and even on some occasions undress you and put you to bed. Thinking about it, I should hire out my services. I am the only person who would ask for a hot drink in a nightclub. You can imagine the confused looks I would get from bar staff wondering if there was something wrong with me or thinking they had misheard, but unfortunately that is just me. There have been more than a few times when I have let loose, got drunk, even danced, especially after Spence’s wedding and during my time at uni but I am so much better looking after people than them looking after me. I was lucky to not get an STD or not get killed during that time as I didn’t know the blokes I would be going home with. That’s probably why I am most suited to my job.
I work full time as a nurse at a local hospital and although it is bloody hard work, I love it, I started out as a healthcare assistant and on my first day someone died whilst I was washing them. The other members of staff on shift that day knew that it was only a matter of time, but they didn’t tell me that. Surprisingly, I went back, and death was a daily occurrence on the ward I was on due to the age of the patients. It was like the ward they were sent to die—horrible, I know—so I got kind of numb to it in the end. The good thing was you didn’t get time to form a connection with anyone so it didn’t upset me, that was life, I can’t complain as this is where I met Edward, when I was taking Mrs. Jackson with her dodgy hip for an X-ray, as he was a radiographer. If it wasn’t for this job, I would not have met him. It put things into perspective too, being on a ward surrounded by death made me think that life was really too short and I felt like I had wasted most of mine being wrapped in my past and just wanting to disappear. So, I took the leap and moved away from my hometown, family and friends by the seaside in Essex to be with him in Suffolk. It did make sense too with the commute as I was travelling to the hospital there every day anyway. We had no children yet. This could be an issue if we did decide to have kids because of my endometriosis. I always thought something could be wrong as I hadn’t fallen pregnant by accident and I hadn’t exactly been careful if you know what I mean over the years. Edward was aware of this he has been by my side from my diagnosis and knew that this could be a possibility and still proposed. I suppose we were pretty ‘normal’ not that I like using that word, really. Not rich or poor, somewhere in between.
Anyway, you probably have a good picture of me in your head now. Sorry, peeps, this is what I go through every day when I look in the mirror. But guess what, I have a year to change things; not cosmetic things, but how I feel about myself inside. I may even try to grow my bobbed hair out. I have had the same haircut since I was thirteen. The only difference would be sometimes I would have a fringe cut in and other times I would grow it out. But Edward wants to marry me, so I can’t be that bad, can I? I just need to start believing it, but it’s hard with everything that has happened to me in the past. Anyway, this is my twelve-month journey until the big day.
September
It’s a year to go, oh my god how scary. Looking outside into my long and skinny garden from upstairs in my two up, two down, terraced house, I was hoping it would rain today, purely because my logic was that if it rained today it is more likely to be sunny next year. But you guessed it, actual blue skies, birds singing, trees gently swaying in the breeze. Not too hot, not to cold, perfect wedding weather, oh shit. Well, if it rains it rains, what is the worst that can happen? I can just picture now my caked-on makeup being washed off by torrential downpours and my eyes looking like a panda, much the same as I look after showering when I do wear make-up. That is the only problem with planning a wedding: there is one thing you have no control over; even if you get married in summer you cannot guarantee the weather these days. Unless you get married in a country that is always hot, but knowing my luck it would still chuck it down. It would be a freak storm or something like nothing seen for a hundred years. I cannot believe it’s a year away today, it is going to fly by, like the last six months has.
My issues with myself had started as a child. When I was eleven, I met Malcolm. He had started renovating a house he bought on the same road as me. A lot of the kids would do odd jobs for
