“Just talk, Brooks.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Where do I start?”
“You’re not singing the song? Why did you pretend like you were? You told me you loved the song.”
“I didn’t know how to tell you. I wanted to sing it. I think the song is amazing. And the band liked it too; they just didn’t think it fit our vibe.”
“Wish I would’ve known that before I wasted hours on it.”
“I’m a jerk. I’m sorry, you have every right to be mad. But the song is great. Maybe we can record it together.”
Why did that offer feel like it was made out of pity? I didn’t need his pity. He was supposed to be my boyfriend. “Why doesn’t Kai know about us?” I felt so stupid. Like, once again, I had let a ball hit me in the head. I was obviously way more invested in this relationship than he was. It felt like Trent and Shay all over again.
“I know, that sounds bad, doesn’t it?” he said. “But you remember when I talked to him about Lauren….I was super harsh with him. Told him if I found out he was with her, I’d turn him in myself. So I didn’t think I could then tell him that I was breaking the same rule I’d told him not to break. I doubt he would’ve reported me to Janelle, but he can’t keep his mouth shut. He would’ve spread it all around employee village and she would’ve found out.”
I wanted to believe his explanation so bad, but that would make me naïve all over again. “But what about Mari?”
“What about Mari?”
“They like each other and he seemed to be able to keep that a secret from the wider employee population.”
Brooks clenched his teeth. So he knew that secret too. He was just hoping I didn’t. “I promised I wouldn’t tell.”
“And you couldn’t swear him to the same secrecy?”
“I should’ve, you’re right. I’ve done this all wrong.”
“Have you? Maybe you’ve done it just right. Sneak me around all summer while you decide if I’m worth the trouble. So what did you decide? That there is no future for us? What was it you said a minute ago? Summer is only for sun and water and relaxing? I’m sure this is starting to feel like none of those,” I said.
“You’re twisting my words, Avery.”
“You didn’t answer the question. Was Kai right? Am I just some summer fling?” I was walking toward the door again.
“That’s not why you’re leaving. You’re leaving because you’re scared. You’re scared that if you let me in, if you really trust me, you’re going to get hurt. You always run away when you’re scared.”
“I didn’t run away from trying out for the festival, did I?”
He smiled. “That’s because you had me.” He reached out like he was going to give me a hug.
I pushed his arm away. “Screw you, Brooks.” With those words, words I’d never said before to anyone in my life, I stormed out the door.
Maybe my parents were right—I wasn’t acting like myself. What had gotten into me? I didn’t like feeling this way at all. This fire that was burning in my chest, I wanted to throw a blanket over it and smother it out. I had run nearly all the way back to our cabin from Brooks’s. And when I got there, Mom and Dad were leaving.
“Where are you guys going?” I asked.
“Just on a walk,” Dad said. “We were told there’s a trail that leads to a lookout. Do you want to join us?”
“Yes, I do.” I wanted to do anything to get my mind off the fight I’d just had with Brooks. Had I broken up with him? I wasn’t sure we could come back from what just happened. Did I want to? I deposited my backpack just inside the door and we headed off through the dusty trails of camp until we came to a dirt path just before the lake.
I didn’t tell my parents I’d been on this trail before. On the Fourth of July. I let Dad direct us. Mom pointed out squirrels and butterflies and birds as we walked. When we’d been walking for a while, Dad cleared his throat. “Kid…about the video…about what I said.”
“It’s fine, Dad.”
“Hear him out, honey,” Mom said, putting her arm around me.
I nodded and he continued. “If I ever made you feel like I wasn’t proud of you, I didn’t mean to. I am so proud of you. We’re similar in so many ways, and I’m sure that makes me harder on you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Dad. I know you love me.”
“Good, because I do. You’ve been so distant this summer, and now I understand why.”
“Yeah, I should’ve just talked to you. I’m bad with confrontation.”
He chuckled. “Me too.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been different this summer. I’m trying to get back to my old self.”
We watched some kids holding on to a jump rope and pretending to be a train chug by us.
“How is the singing going?” Mom asked when it was quiet again.
“Oh, Lauren didn’t tell you?”
Dad shook his head and so did Mom.
“It’s not. Ian, the guy with the head injury,” I reminded them, “came back. He’s singing now.”
“Oh.” Mom’s mouth turned down with the news.
“That’s probably a relief for you,” Dad said. “I know how nervous you get.”
“Yeah…”
“I thought you wanted to do it,” Mom said.
“I mean…I don’t know. I enjoyed it. But I wouldn’t say I wanted to do it. I only did it in the first place to help Brooks.” I shrugged. “Now he has his original group.”
“Right,” Mom said.
“Oh, which reminds me. Even though I’m not singing, can we still go to the festival and watch? Please? Lauren needs to record and it would be really fun, I think.”
My parents exchanged a look and then Mom said, “Yes, I’m sure you both will have fun.”
“No, I mean all of us.”
“You want me and Mom to come to your hip
