More, I can barely contain my flinch every time Monroe talks about her mother or mentions something about children. It’s not that I want to be pregnant; I stand by the choice I made at nineteen and have no regrets about making it. It’s more that Monroe’s beliefs about the Amazons are just flat-out false.
Maybe they really do revere children. Maybe they really do protect them.
Or maybe it’s all bullshit, a lie fed to her by her mother. Of course she was protected as heir. Monroe has never been expendable a day in her life. She doesn’t know what it’s like to have the truth of her helplessness drilled into her going back as far as she can remember.
It’s not that I want her to feel that pain.
I just…
Maybe I really am selfish. As soon as I offer to show her my childhood home, I want to take it back. Why am I so willing to hurt her just to take this strange load of guilt off my shoulders?
She loves me.
I love her.
Gods, when did that happen?
Movement draws my gaze as Broderick leans against the doorframe. His blue eyes flick over us. “Everything okay?”
“Shiloh’s going to take us to her childhood home in the morning,” Monroe says, cutting off any chance I have of changing my mind. For better or worse, I’m committed now. The truth will come out tomorrow.
He doesn’t move, though he tenses the slightest bit. “I’ll clear my schedule.”
There’s no point in telling him he doesn’t have to come. Broderick has been very, very careful not to push me for more details about my past, has been so fucking respectful when it comes to how self-conscious I am about my scars. He takes every single opportunity he can to reassure me without words that he wants me, that he cares.
I love Broderick.
This realization has a softer touch than the one about Monroe. That felt like being hit with a tidal wave. This is freshly falling snow. I’ve been falling in love with Broderick from the moment I met him. Two weeks of sharing a bed, of having each other over and over again, has only solidified it into a truth. This man holds half my heart.
Monroe holds the other half.
I don’t know what to do with that knowledge, so I set it aside. Tomorrow, things will fall out where they may. I don’t know if the truth will change things between the three of us, but we don’t have a shot at a real future as long as I’m lying to them, even by omission.
Broderick crosses to us and wraps his arms around both of us. “Thank you for trusting us with this.”
Against all reason, tears prick my eyes. I close them, but it doesn’t help. A single tear slides free. “Things have been so damn good the past two weeks. I’m afraid of that ending.”
Monroe nuzzles my neck. “There isn’t a single thing you could do to ruin us, Shiloh. Trust that.”
If we’re going to have this conversation, we might as well have it. I take a deep breath and open my eyes. “What about you two?”
Monroe leans back, expression carefully blank. “What about us?”
“Don’t play coy. You know exactly what I’m talking about. You and Broderick have gotten along great the past two weeks.”
“So?” She doesn’t draw back, but she’s also not looking at him.
Broderick’s arms have gone tense around us, but he doesn’t pull away. “That’s complicated.”
“Now who’s lying?” I push slowly away from them. “You two like each other. More than like.”
Monroe shakes her head. “Let’s not get hasty. He doesn’t want me dead, but that’s hardly putting us in the realm of like or more.”
Or more.
I stare at her, my chest aching. She’s so fucking tough, so brazen and brash and in everyone’s face. Does she do it so they won’t realize what a tender heart she has beneath all that armor? A heart Broderick has obviously touched, even if he’s not aware of it.
I turn to him. “We work as a throuple.”
For once, Broderick doesn’t bother giving me the runaround. “Yeah, we do.”
“We’ll continue to work as a throuple.”
Monroe wraps her arms around herself and looks away. “Only for this year. I’m the Amazon heir. Next Lammas, I go back to my faction and stay there. Even if there were someone else for the role, it’s mine by right, and I won’t shy away from that responsibility. No matter what I feel.”
Broderick shifts away from her, just a bit. “I’m Abel’s second-in-command. The Raider faction is where I’m needed.” He glances almost guiltily at Monroe. “I realize that’s making a lot of assumptions about what you’d want, but ultimately it doesn’t matter. You’re needed there, and I’m needed here.”
Horror takes root inside me as they both turn in my direction. “You’re going to make me choose.”
“We’d never ask that of you,” Monroe says.
“But the fact remains that one of you will stay and one of you will go, and I lose no matter where I end up.” My stomach dips alarmingly, and my head goes a little fuzzy. “What kind of choice is that?”
Broderick shifts. “Look, it’s ten months and change away. A lot can happen in that amount of time, and this thing might very well run its course. There’s no point in borrowing trouble. It’s working right now, with the added bonus of it getting both our respective leaders off our backs and removing us from danger.”
If I already love both of them at this point, how much more is it going to hurt in another month, two, ten? When this thing reaches its inevitable conclusion, one of them will rip out half of my still-beating heart and take it with them.
I have been at Broderick’s side for nearly ten years. I can’t imagine not being in his proximity. It’d be like losing a vital piece of myself.
But… Monroe has become so fucking important to me. She has no preconceived notions when it comes to who
