“All I see is the woman I love.”
The fire in his eyes made her start. His words made her heart thrum and her pulse race. Love? No, surely he could not mean that.
Excitement and hope were dangerous devils. They were already making her head spin with what ifs.
But she was smarter than that. Clenching her fists she reminded herself of who she was. She was practical Sally. The girl Billingham relied on when Dr. Roberts was away. The one who studied medical journals and who raced her sisters on the cliff’s edge and who had absolutely no place in an earl’s home.
“Sebastian, you cannot mean that.”
“Why not?” he demanded.
Her mind chose that moment to call up something his father said and her heart twisted. She didn’t want it to be true. But it tumbled out all the same. “Your father said you only want what you cannot have—”
“Surely you don’t believe that’s what this is.” His brows came down and his eyes flashed with hurt. The pain in his eyes, the accusation, it cut into her like a knife but all she managed was a shrug. Why this was wrong wasn’t as important as the fact that it was wrong...for him.
Her troubles should not be his. And she would not be anyone’s burden.
“Sally.” He gripped her hands, his voice tight with emotions. “I know my father makes me out to be a reckless cad, but you have to believe that this is not some act of rebellion. I am not the irresponsible fool he believes me to be.” He managed a small, rueful smile because that was the sort of man he was. The sort of man who could laugh at himself even in a moment so fraught with tension. “Not entirely, at least.”
She wanted to laugh. She ached to cry.
How very Sebastian to find humor in a moment like this. It was one of the reasons he was so wonderfully loveable. It was one of the reasons she hadn’t stood a chance.
She withdrew one of her hands from his firm grip to reach up and touch his cheek softly. He leaned into her touch and she had to swallow hard to fight against the burgeoning tears that threatened to choke her. “Of course you’re not an irresponsible fool. And you’re not a reckless cad, either. But I am not fit for an earl’s son—”
“What if it’s a second son?” His attempt at levity made her heart hurt that much more.
Her lips twitched with humor even as sadness stole over her. “Not even a second son.” She met his gaze, hoping he could see how much this hurt her. Hoping he might understand that this was the way it had to be. “My family needs me, Sebastian. And yours needs you.”
He opened his mouth as if to protest.
“Step up, Sebastian.” Her voice was harder than intended but it was the only way to get the words out past this overwhelming ache in her chest. “It’s time. Don’t speak of being responsible. Be responsible.” She took a step back, her chin held high. “And I shall do the same.”
Chapter 10
“What do you mean, she’s gone?” Sebastian said the next day.
The footman winced and then repeated himself for the third time. “Miss Sally and her sister departed just after dawn, my lord.”
Sebastian scrubbed at his weary eyes. He’d barely slept the night before, but he hadn’t gone deaf. He’d heard the man the first two times, but it refused to register.
He’d lost track of her for the rest of the night—he suspected his brave girl had run and hid.
Not terribly brave at all, but he couldn’t blame her. She’d been through more than enough emotional upheaval and his declarations had been...unwelcome.
He shut his eyes tight just as his father walked into the room. “What is all the fuss about in here?”
Sebastian swallowed. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know that his father was glaring at him.
“Nothing, Father,” he murmured.
“Nothing? You’re all but shouting at poor Jamel here, and for what purpose?”
Sebastian finally opened his eyes, glancing over at the still mildly grimacing Mr. Jamel. “Apologies, Mr. Jamel.”
“Think nothing of it, my lord.”
“I was surprised that’s all,” he said to no one in particular.
His brother joined them, heading straight toward his coffee, his drink of choice which the servants knew to keep stocked when he was at home. “What’s Sebastian done now?”
Grown man or not, his brother’s smug, lazy drawl never failed to make him want to spit. And maybe knock that bored smirk off his brother’s face once and for all.
He liked his brother. He truly did.
He just wished that every now and again he wouldn’t be quite so perfect. Maybe then he would understand what it felt like to be Sebastian. He’d have a glimmer of understanding, at least. As it was, attempting to explain himself to his family made Sebastian wish he’d never woken up this morning.
He scrubbed at his tired eyes again. If he were still asleep in his bed, he would be blissfully unaware that the woman he loved had left. Fled, even. Run away like some sort of criminal.
He winced at the story she’d told her of her mother. Perhaps criminal was not the right comparison to make, even in his thoughts.
“What’s the fuss about, Jamel?” Apparently the earl wasn’t content to let the matter drop, and the ever faithful butler answered without hesitation.
“I was merely relaying the information that Miss Sally and her sister, Miss Rebecca, had already left, my lord.”
His father gave a grunt of approval. “Yes, yes. She told me last night that she planned to be off at first light.” He turned toward the side table that was lined with biscuits. He supposed the rest
