She wasn’t mine, and she was only going to be a memory.
That was all that mattered.
Because as long as she wasn’t near me, she would be safe, and she wouldn’t have to think about who we could have been. And neither would I.
I walked away, leaving a part of myself behind and knowing I didn’t want it back.
I had fallen again. I had made a grave mistake.
And now I would have to deal with the consequences.
Chapter 19 London
Sometimes you need your girls.
One week later...
“I leave you alone for two days in my house, and the next thing I know, you’re getting kidnapped and shot at. I’m about to assign you a permanent babysitter.”
We were in Alden now. Rian had flown to me so she could get a good look at me herself. It didn’t matter that I felt like I was losing myself even when I wanted to do so. But at least I had my friends at my side as I tried to piece together what I had left.
I glowered at Rian. “You’re hilarious. I will remind you that my own aunt kidnapped me. If you could refrain from making comments from the peanut gallery, that would be awesome.”
Sparrow, who’d flown in to check on me, poured an obscenely large glass of wine for herself and then made me a mocktail. “I’m sorry, love, but she has a point. You were like the worst house guest.”
“Hey, weren’t you the one bleeding at her pool house?”
Sparrow scoffed. “Look, that was not my fault. Some random asshole got the drop on me.”
I lifted a brow and laughed. “Aren’t you some kind of like badass Wonder Woman type? Serious martial artist? Security expert?”
She shrugged. “Look, these things happen.”
Rian laughed. “Seriously though, are you okay?”
I shrugged. “If you mean physically, then other than bearing possible scars on my wrists from the zip ties, I’m fine. I’m just tired. And kind of down.”
Sparrow took a long sip and placed her glass on the countertop gently. “It’s not unusual to experience a mild depression after a traumatic experience like that.”
I didn’t want to think about Roman’s or Wilder’s dour faces when I returned. No one blamed me of course…except they wore permanent resting judgment faces.
Sparrow licked her bottom lip before asking, “You and Kannon?”
I shook my head.
Rian slapped her hand down on the counter. “Now, wait just a minute here. I have seen security footage of that man. He is fine. Please tell me you at least got some.”
“Unfortunately, I got more than I bargained for.” I hadn’t meant to fall for him. Hell, I’d never been in love before. I thought maybe I’d been in love when I probably had only been infatuated, but with Kannon? I’d never felt like this after breaking up with someone. I’d never felt this shattered or torn apart. “He was right. We only knew each other a short time. How are you supposed to know whether or not you care about someone in no time at all? It’s an illusion fed by adrenaline and fear.”
Sparrow sighed, rubbing her temples. “Can we just go ahead and say the thing? You’re in love with him, and he’s in love with you.”
“He told me he loved me on the plane. But he still thought walking away was the best thing. I have to accept the situation and move on. Although I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to manage that, and I’m certain this feeling of constantly wanting to cry will be a permanent thing.”
Rian reached out and took my hand. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”
“I have no one to blame but myself. I don’t know. Maybe if I’d had some more experience with love and relationships I wouldn’t feel so torn up, I guess.” And I knew now that Aunt Rebecca had been a helpful hand in making sure I never knew what true love and affection could be.
“It’s not your fault.”
I was surprised Sparrow was taking my side.
She huffed. “You put yourself out there. You took a chance, and that’s really admirable. Lord knows I haven’t done that in a million years.”
“I don’t know. I wish it didn’t hurt quite so bad.”
“Sweetheart, if you’re not in pain over being heartbroken, then you’re not doing it right,” Rian said. She said it as if she had experience with that pain, but Rian was good at keeping secrets. I was the open book of the two of us. She didn’t share every part of her soul with me, even though I’d tried to get her to open up more. Maybe one day she’d let me in.
Eager to change the subject, I prodded both of them, not going too deep into anything that could hurt. “Rian, what’s your deal? What happened to the actor? The one from the movie with Diane Lane about infidelity, right?”
She grinned. “A lady doesn’t kiss and tell.”
Sparrow coughed. “Bullshit. Tell all.”
Rian regaled us with stories of what it was like dating on set. “Look, none of that shit that you do on set is meant to be sexy at all.”
Sparrow shook her head. “I know there are people around, but isn’t it even a little bit sexy?”
Rian laughed. “No. Honestly, you’ve got Frank holding the boom mic over your face, trying his darn best not to look at your exposed nipple, which, by the way, your co-star has to strategically lick around.”
I sat there, jaw agape. Fascinated. “Wait, he actually licked your nipple?”
“Well, I mean it has to look that way. You discuss beforehand what you’re actually going to do in the scene. It’s like dance moves. Step here, touch here, kiss here, lick there.”
I leaned forward. “Oh my God, so that was really his hand on your boob? Squeezing?”
Rian shrugged. “Yup.”
“Is that when you guys started getting it on?”
Rian laughed. “No! It’s too awkward. And not sexy at all. And if you’re smart, you never trust any feelings you’re having
