I spent the next few days recovering from the fast and furious arrival of CJ. It felt surreal. I held him most of the time and every time he opened his eyes, my breath would catch. No one would ever doubt who his daddy was. He looked just like Colin.
When I wasn't holding CJ, I was staring at him. Layla stayed the first night to make sure I was all right. Dale and Isaac stopped by with balloons and a giant teddy bear wearing a beret. Isaac made sure the insignia was correct. Britt, Stacey, and Keisha stopped by too. Evidently Isaac made sure to get the word out to the company about CJ's birth.
There weren't many visitors per se, but between them and nurses and doctors, I hadn't been alone more than a few minutes at a time. I hadn’t a chance to even begin to process, let alone accept, that I was a parent. A single parent.
“Well, little guy, it’s just you and me, I guess.” It was during one of the brief times I was alone and holding him. “I have no idea what I'm doing. I'll be honest. And I'm not sure what's going to happen tomorrow when they discharge me because I don't have a car seat for you yet.” The tears began to well up. “I'm so sorry, CJ. I'm already messing up. I should have had everything ready for you. But I don't.”
My head dropped forward as the tears flowed freely. I don't know for how long I sat like that, silently crying before I heard Layla's voice.
“Oh, girl. What's wrong? CJ okay? Do I need to get the nurse?” Panic was rising in her voice.
“No, he's fine. He's asleep. I'm just apologizing for already messing up and telling him I wasn't sure what would happen tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Yeah, when they discharge me. They told me I would be leaving tomorrow, but because I don't have a car seat, CJ won't be allowed to leave.” Fresh tears flowed as I finally looked up from staring at him and saw Layla holding this car seat fully decked out, complete with a few toys hanging on the handle, a shark and an octopus, with a green camo canopy.
“Where did you get that?” I choked out the words between sobs.
“I didn't. Isaac brought it over. The company chipped in and bought this and a stroller.”
“What, why?” I blinked trying to clear my vision.
“They said it was because Colin provided cover fire that so many were able to seek cover. He saved their lives, Jo, and they wanted to thank you.” Layla’s voice cracked as she sat down on the couch.
“I had no idea. I never heard what happened.”
“Sweetie. They told you. I was there. And it was mentioned at the funeral too. You just never heard what they said.” She took a steadying breath. “But hell, I don't think I would have either. You did what you had to to survive and that's okay. But now you have CJ. You can't lock yourself up, so to speak.” Getting up and coming over to the bed, she laid a hand gently on his lumbering head.
“He needs you.”
Chapter 20
The next day was a bit hectic. Paperwork, newborn pictures, fitting CJ in his new car seat and packing everything up. But finally, we were all buckled up in Layla's car and heading home.
“Hey, can you stay a bit to help me at least move the crib and some boxes?” I asked Layla. “I know you prolly want to get home and rest. So, I get it if you want to head out.”
“I can stay for a bit and you don't need to get it all set up today. Remember, you've just had a baby three days ago. You're still recovering. We'll move a few boxes out of the way out of any walk path and leave the crib where it's at. Okay?”
I started to shake my head and tell her no, but she silenced me.
“Yes. Trust me. You need to rest too. Don't argue with me.” She stared at me through the rearview mirror as I sat next to CJ in the backseat.
Once we got to my complex, I realized Layla had been right. I was sore as I tried to maneuver CJ out of the car without waking him and I was suddenly tired.
“Okay. We'll just move the boxes from CJ's room. All of a sudden I'm wiped.” I stifled a yawn.
“No worries. You get in and I'll move the boxes out of the way. Then you go rest.” Layla opened the door and let me go first.
The first thing I noticed was the fresh clean smell. Then I realized my apartment had been fully cleaned and the boxes in the main areas had been unpacked and the contents taken care of. Pictures had been hung. It looked like a home and not an apartment someone was staying in. I slowly walked around while holding CJ. I was speechless.
“Wha…who? When?” My words stuck as I saw my wedding picture. I glanced away and headed towards the bedrooms. No more boxes lined the walls. There was even a vase on the dining table with flowers. Everywhere I turned, something caught my eye.
“We decided a clean slate was in order. Isaac and a few guys came in and cleaned everything top to bottom. I'll tell you, these guys should start a company because damn! Me and a few ladies set to work, taking care of the main areas.” She followed me to the bedrooms. First, I went to my room. My bed was made and the floor was cleared. There were a few boxes in the corner, but I knew why
