“I was just wondering . . . I mean, I’m having a party, and I thought you and Annie might want to come.”
I had this weird sensation that I was on one of those prank TV shows where they film you with a secret camera. “Oh! . . . Um . . . When is it?” I didn’t want to go. I couldn’t think of any reason why Larissa would invite me over except as some cruel joke.
“A week from Friday. It’s not, like, a huge deal or anything. My parents will be there. But I thought it would be fun. I was sort of hoping we could all be friends again. You know, move on from the past?”
I forced my face to look puzzled, as though I didn’t know what she was talking about. As though it had escaped my notice that she’d dumped me as a friend as soon as Courtney declared me uncool, and as though the whole Lezzie Longbottom thing had never happened. “Sure! That would be great! But Annie and I have plans that day. This totally sucks, but my parents are having this thing, and—”
“Larissa!” Annie came bounding up at the exact wrong time.
“Hi, Annie!” Larissa’s smile was genuine, and I could feel things slipping away from me.
“Courtney told me all about the party!” Annie said, linking her arm through mine. “We’ll be there for sure. I’m so ready for a party.”
“Jess said—”
“It’s that Friday two weeks before Halloween,” I interrupted with exaggerated dismay. “We can’t make it, remember?”
Annie wrinkled her forehead in confusion. “Why not?”
“My parents are having that thing.”
“Whatever,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Your mom is totally chill. She’ll be fine with us going to a party instead.” Annie turned to Larissa. “Don’t worry—I’ll talk to Mrs. Avery. We’ll be there for sure.”
On the way home from school, I tried to make a joke out of the whole misunderstanding. I wasn’t ready to believe that Annie might actually want to go to Larissa’s.
“I so cannot believe you didn’t get my signals about the party.”
“What are you talking about—signals?”
“The signals! You know, my parents’ plans . . . I was trying to give us an out.”
Annie stopped walking. “Why would we need an out?”
“You’re playing with me, right? This is Larissa Riley we’re talking about. The girl who’s been tormenting me since middle school and has never so much as said hello to you before today. Do you actually believe anything good could come out of this invitation?”
Annie put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow at me mockingly. She looked far too much like my mother at that moment. “You’re paranoid,” she declared.
“You’re delusional.”
Annie adjusted her backpack and started walking, not even checking to see if I was following. “I don’t know why you have to be like this, Jessie,” she lectured. “You’re always so damn suspicious. If you just stopped being such a pessimist, maybe you’d find that there are lots of people at school who actually want to be your friend.”
I snorted and immediately wished I could take it back. Annie just picked up her pace. I had to run to catch up to her. “I just don’t understand why you would want to go to a party with a bunch of people who you yourself have called phony.”
“That was before I got to know them.”
“Since when do you know them?”
Annie stopped abruptly and I nearly crashed into her. “I keep thinking about how we’ve both complained that no one at school looks beyond appearances—that people just judge before they get to know anyone. That’s been our biggest complaint about Courtney and her friends, right?” I shrugged my shoulders noncommittally. “Well, don’t you think we’ve been doing the same thing? We’ve talked shit about Courtney and Larissa all year, laughing at their Facebook pages and making fun of them. But when you think about it, we were totally judging them without getting to know them.”
“Maybe for you, but I’ve known them long enough to—”
“Come on, Jess! You’re judging people by things they did back in middle school. That’s not fair!”
I wanted to tell her that what’s not fair is being mocked every day. What’s not fair is girls writing nasty things in your notebook when the teacher isn’t looking and crank calling your house after school. What’s not fair is being laughed at for everything from your weight to the clothes you wear. But Annie was looking at me like I was a stubborn child, and I could sense the futility of trying to make her understand. Annie has never been bullied. She has always belonged.
“I just think you’re going to be disappointed when you find out the truth about them.”
“Then let me be disappointed. But don’t be mad at me for making friends with people.”
“I’m not mad, Annie. I just don’t want to go to the party.”
“And that’s fine. But I do. Will you be upset if I go without you?”
“I guess not,” I mumbled, blinking back tears.
She grabbed my hands, her voice pleading. “We’re two separate people, Jessie. It’s okay that we don’t do everything together.”
Her words were knives raked along my skin. I could hear the goodbye in every syllable. I knew the day would come when Annie would ditch me for more popular girls. It was Larissa all over again.
I pasted a smile on my face. “You’re right, Annie. I’m wrong.”
She let out a yelp, her arms spread and her eyes to the sky, as though looking for divine guidance on how to deal with me. “I’m not being mean here, Jess. Normal people have lots of friends. They hang out with all sorts of people. You can be my best friend without being my only friend.”
I know she’s right. I know I shouldn’t feel threatened just because she wants other friends. But I can’t help myself. I’ve known all along that Annie could be doing cool things with cool people instead of wasting her time with me. I can’t shake the terrible feeling
