Zayn was too angry and hurt to even notice how his words were received. It was as if his brain had stopped functioning properly. He had been less insulted by the doctor looking to see if he’d had work done than this bullshit. Zayn couldn’t believe he had let himself get taken for this ride. He pulled into Koda’s driveway before he realized he didn’t recall leaving Spencer’s or the drive to Koda’s. There hadn’t been a conscious plan to go to Koda’s. It was like his car had taken him where he needed to be. Zayn didn’t question it. He climbed from the car and headed for the door. As he rang the doorbell, Zayn took several calming breaths. He didn’t want to dump on Koda.
“Yes?”
Zayn tried sounding upbeat as Koda’s voice came through the intercom. “It’s Zayn.”
“Hey. Just give me a second.”
Zayn patiently waited while trying to put a lid on his raging thoughts. Koda opened the door with his son Liam in his arms. Liam threw himself forward at the sight of Zayn. A happy-sounding squeal pierced his ears.
Zayn smiled as he caught the toddler. “Hey there, buddy. How are you?”
Koda took a step back so Zayn could come in. “Sorry about that. He’s grateful to have a break from me, I guess.”
Zayn pressed his lips to Liam’s forehead and inhaled. He needed Liam’s unconditional love. “Don’t apologize. I’m always happy to spend time with my favorite guy. Sorry for stopping by unannounced.”
Koda headed for the couch, using his sight cane to avoid Liam’s million toys. “It’s no problem. We were just hanging out. I definitely could use a break from listening to the same cartoon playing for the millionth time.”
Rather than joining Koda on the couch, Zayn sat on the floor with Liam and played with whatever Liam brought to him. He took a moment to calm down, focusing on Liam before trying to broach his need for Koda’s company. “How do you and Felix do it? You make marriage and having a family look so effortless. As far as I can tell, no one is interested in building a family anymore.”
Koda leaned his elbow on the arm of the couch and looked thoughtful, as if he took Zayn’s question seriously. “Honestly? It looks easy because it is. We fell in love and neither of us fought it because we wanted it.”
It was as he feared. Love was easy. It was just that no one wanted to build that with him. “Oh.” His throat swelled. Zayn swallowed past the pain. “It’s hard being considered extremely smart when you’re really dumb as hell.”
Koda leaned over and rubbed his shoulder. “Tell me what’s happened, and we’ll figure it out together.”
Zayn watched Liam play while wondering if he had the courage to admit he had dreamed bigger than he should. He didn’t know if Spencer had made him look like a fool, or if he had done that all on his own. Either way, Zayn was an idiot. A big dumbass who craved love. How stupid could he be?
Sommerland Music Group was a nondescript building not far from the warehouse district. Spencer had visited the place many times over the past twenty years. Having been in his twenties himself, Spencer had been beyond impressed by the twenty-year-old who started the business: Felix Sommerland. Like many people in L.A., Felix had come from money, but he used his good fortune to start a business that paved the way for several lucrative careers. Felix had seen more talent come and go than most. He had a great ear for perfection, and none of that had anything to do with why Spencer found himself there now. Felix was his friend.
As he pushed his way through the door, Spencer half expected Felix would be too busy to see him. The rest of Spencer questioned why he had come here at all. For the first time in his life, Spencer was confused about his feelings and questioning some things. He didn’t know who else he could talk to about it. Felix was happily married to the love of his life. He looked like an actual adult to Spencer. That was something Spencer would never be.
Instead of being greeted by Felix’s receptionist, Spencer ran into Felix as he stepped inside.
Felix did a double take, obviously surprised to see Spencer. “Spencer. Hey.” Felix changed directions from heading for his office to greet Spencer at the door. A bright smile stretched his lips. He shook Spencer’s hand. “Why do you always look homeless?”
Spencer glanced down at himself. His tank top had a hole in it. Plus, it was inside out and backward. He hadn’t noticed. Spencer shrugged. “My head is always somewhere else. Why do you always look so put together? Aren’t toddler dads supposed to be run ragged?”
A happy-sounding chuckle rumbled from Felix’s chest. He motioned for Spencer to follow him and spoke over his shoulder as he went. “I have an amazing husband who does a majority of the chasing while I get the easy job of coming here every day. What brings you by?” Felix asked as he chose a seat inside his office.
Spencer plopped down in the first chair he came to. “What do you think of Jinx?”
Felix blinked, as if that was the last question he expected to be asked today. “The sound guy who worships the ground you walk on? I guess, I think he’s good at his job.”
Fuck. Everyone saw something he didn’t. “Why would you say he worships me?”
A humorless smile touched Felix’s lips. “I’m an expert on watching someone from afar while knowing they’re so far out of my reach, they may as well be the stars. Jinx looks at you the same way. Hopeless romantics can spot other hopeless romantics a mile away. What’s got you asking about Jinx all of a sudden? He’s been working with you for years.”
Spencer shrugged. “Someone pointed out that Jinx is interested in me this
