“Does this person have a name?”
“I’d rather not say.”
Felix’s eyebrows rose. “So it’s someone I know.”
“It’s Zayn.”
Spencer hadn’t thought Felix could sit any farther back in his seat, but—somehow—he managed. It was as if his spine melted. “Damn.”
Felix’s reaction made Spencer even more nervous. “What? Why are you saying damn?”
For a moment, Spencer didn’t think Felix would answer. Finally, he blew out a sigh. “Well, that’s a rock and a hard place. If you had asked me if there was anyone who watched you with more hunger than Jinx, I would’ve said Zayn.”
Spencer experienced a sudden burst of happiness before reality smacked him back down. He had just sent Zayn running. “Fuck.”
“What did you say to send him storming out?”
It took every ounce of Spencer’s will not to squirm in his seat. He scratched the side of his nose while avoiding Felix’s stare. “I might have said something about him being an over-enthusiastic puppy I was only keeping around until I got bored.” Spencer winced as the final word fell from his lips. Felix groaned, and Spencer couldn’t leave it at that. “For what it’s worth, I didn’t think he would hear me.”
Felix sat forward like he fought the urge to jump to his feet. “And that makes it better how? If you’re using the guy, is it better to know or not? Fuck, he’s still the one who gets hurt.”
“I thought we were using each other.” His claim came out much louder than intended, but Spencer didn’t enjoy being a bad guy.
“Who were you saying this to for him to overhear it?”
“Jinx.”
Felix stared at him without blinking—like Spencer had broken his brain. “I didn’t think it could get worse, but there it is,” Felix said after a moment.
Spencer’s heart sank. He dropped his gaze to his feet. His eyes fell closed. He had on two different shoes and hadn’t even noticed. Spencer didn’t understand why anyone would want him for more than a night. He was pretty much a tragedy. Spencer was nowhere near the typical gay man. He never matched or had an ounce of style. Spencer was lucky if he made it out of the house fully dressed. He had the attention span of a gnat when it came to anything outside of music. Even his own mom didn’t talk to him.
Spencer stood. “Thank you for talking this through with me. I hope fucking your friend over doesn’t affect our friendship. I wasn’t thinking.”
Felix’s shoulders fell. He looked defeated. “Spencer. Stop. We’ve been friends for over twenty years. I know you well enough to know you wouldn’t purposely hurt anyone. Zayn is amazingly forgiving. I imagine if you made even the slightest effort to make things right, he would let you.”
Even though Spencer nodded along, he didn’t know if there was anything he could say that Zayn would believe. He would think about it. Maybe he would come up with a way to apologize. Even if he found the words, Spencer didn’t think Zayn would talk to him long enough to hear them. He couldn’t blame Zayn. Spencer was pretty dumb. Chances were good he had seen the last of Zayn. That was depressing.
It was the craziest peace offering. That was what Zayn kept telling himself to explain why he currently sat in the parking lot of a pottery studio. He was still angry and hurt, but now he was also intrigued. After spending a few hours with Koda and Liam, Zayn had come home to a simple note from Spencer. It said, “I’m sorry that I suck at a lot of things, but I’ll always try new things with you.” He had included a receipt for a pottery class in Zayn’s name. It started tonight. The craziest part was, he had always wanted to try pottery-making. It was on his long list of hobbies he wanted to learn before he died. More than anything, though, Zayn was here because of one word in that note: always. Spencer had said he would always try new things with Zayn.
Since Zayn was a nervous mess, he waited until five minutes before class was set to start before heading inside. By the time he walked through the door, everyone was already seated behind a pottery wheel. He spotted Spencer slouching in a chair across the room. There was an empty station beside him. Zayn chose the one across from him instead. Spencer smirked as Zayn sat. Zayn looked away and focused on their instructor.
Despite paying attention the entire time, Zayn was still hyper aware of Spencer. Even as they dove in and learned by hands-on experience, Zayn kept checking Spencer out on the sly. He looked completely focused on the vase he was making. With his bottom lip between his teeth, Spencer seemed genuinely intent on learning the process. Zayn kept fighting back smiles. He couldn’t make himself stop wanting this one person. At some point during the four-hour class, they managed to make passable vases and Zayn forgave Spencer. He was also a little disappointed to learn they wouldn’t be taking their creations home yet, and the classes were spaced out several weeks apart. Zayn wanted to remember the experience.
As they stood to leave, people chatted happily with their parties as they headed out. Zayn dragged his feet. He didn’t know if he was ready to talk to Spencer again. Zayn decided to let Spencer choose. Spencer fell into step beside Zayn as they walked to the parking lot, but neither of them spoke. He stayed at Zayn’s side all the way to Zayn’s car. Zayn’s lights flashed as the door automatically unlocked as he approached. Spencer opened the door for Zayn. “Thank you for showing up. I would’ve stayed if you didn’t, but it was better because you were here.”
Zayn wanted to nod and
