But he did turn up. Not only that, he arrived that evening instead of waiting until Saturday as she had expected and as was his usual custom. He had made more of an effort with his appearance than his previous visit. No sign of the unkempt hair. No stubble on his shaved chin. He was wearing an open-necked, well-pressed shirt, a pair of pale linen trousers in place of his habitual shorts, and his hair was neat and looked freshly washed. But there was a look of unease around his eyes and he appeared nervous.
‘You got my letter? I didn’t expect you until tomorrow.’
Douglas looked surprised. ‘What letter?’
‘I wrote to say you could come home this weekend.’
He moved across the room, relief washing over his features. ‘You did? The post is often slow at Batu Lembah. Thank you, Evie. Thank you.’ He went towards the drinks cabinet. ‘This calls for a celebration.’
Something inside told her not to make things too easy for him. Forgiving him didn’t absolve him from the original crime.
‘Sit down first. You can listen to me before you have a drink in your hand.’
Douglas looked abashed, but complied, taking a seat opposite her.
Evie spoke first. ’I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since we talked. And for the sake of the baby and for Jasmine, I’ve come to the conclusion that we have to try and repair the damage.’
He started to speak but she lifted a hand to stay him. ‘Look, Doug, you’ve had your chance to talk. Now it’s time you hear me.’
He nodded, leaning back in the chair, his eyes fixed on her.
’Damage is the right word,’ she said. ‘You need to acknowledge that you have damaged me and cut me to the quick. But not only me. You need to accept responsibility for what your daughter saw that afternoon. Jasmine believes that my tears and my sadness are her fault. She’s blaming herself for causing us to go to the estate that afternoon. I don’t think she understood what was happening but she knew there was something wrong. I’ve tried to hide my feelings from her but she senses when things aren’t right. Her confidence and security have been shattered so you and I have to make things right for her.’ She placed one hand over the over, covering the pearl ring on her finger.
Douglas was frowning, his mouth drawn into a tight line. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands.
Resisting the urge to comfort him, Evie went on. ‘Her best friend Penny is the Camerons’ daughter so she knows what having warring parents means. That’s the reason why I’m agreeing to take you back and to do what I can to repair our marriage.’
Doug moved off the chair and came to sit beside her, reaching for her hands. ‘I’ve made a hash of things, Evie. I wish I could wind the clock back, but I promise you, it will be different from now on. You won’t regret it.’
She drew her hands away from him. It would be all too easy to let things ride but it was important she seized the moment and didn’t completely capitulate. ‘If you think I will fall gratefully into your arms and forget everything that’s happened, you’re wrong. Yes, I want to forget. I want to be a wife to you again. I want us to be a family. But you have come so close to destroying everything and I’m going to need time for the wounds to heal. If I’m to forget the past we have to start to create a future, and I need you to help make that happen.’
‘I promise you, Evie. I’ll do whatever it takes.’
He reached for her hands again. She was about to move them away but she remembered the words of the monk and this time let him take them.
‘I’ve moved your things out of the small bedroom. We’ll need that for the baby once it’s old enough to sleep in there. Your things are in the room next door.’
His face lit up.
‘I won’t be.’
His face fell.
‘Aunty Mimi has cleared out the main bedroom and I’ve moved into it. The cradle can go in there with me for the baby’s first few months. Until it’s old enough to sleep in a cot in its own room.’
‘You’re all right? And the baby’s all right?’
‘Yes. At least, according to the doctor.’
‘Thank God!’
‘But I will be sleeping alone. At least for the moment.’
‘I see.’
‘Do you? I’m not sure you do.’ Evie got up and opened the shuttered French door to the garden, letting the clamour of the cicadas and the cockerels, as well as the softest of breezes, into the room. She turned back to look at him. ‘You destroyed my trust. I promise you I will work hard to find a way to forgive you for that. But please don’t expect that it’s going to happen overnight.’
He looked at her with an expression that mingled sorrow with what might even have been admiration. ‘You’re wearing the ring again. Thank you.’
‘I’m going to turn in, Doug. Good night. I’ll see you tomorrow.’
As she left the room, Evie thought she’d handled the situation well. Yes, Evie, she told herself, the road to loving him must start with loving yourself. And that means taking pride in your own strength and tenacity. She made her way slowly up the staircase.
22
As her pregnancy progressed, Evie realised exactly what Susan Hyde-Underwood had meant about the discomforts of expecting a baby in the heat and humidity of Malaya. Growing in bulk she felt lopsided, the increasing heaviness of the baby cumbersome and awkward in front and causing backache. Perspiration gathered between and under her enlarged breasts and chafed at her skin. She longed for the child to be delivered so that she could reclaim
