I realize what I’ve said and that they know exactly what I mean when the look of pity crosses over their faces. Pity. Except for Pinkie, her gaze is filled with anger.
I hate it and yet I don’t know how to tell them that I don’t want it, because to be honest, I even pity myself for the life that I’ve had and the future that I had in front of me before Jaguar found a way to get me out.
JAGUAR
Mamba chases after Maria, but I continue to do my job. No way in fuck am I getting mixed up in their domestic shit. Though I have to admit, I would have liked them to stick around a little longer so I could hear the drama. I’ve been out of the loop for so long that I have no idea what is going on around this place anymore.
A few minutes after he leaves the room, Eagle appears in the warehouse. I expect him to narrow his gaze on me, to give me a dirty look, but he doesn’t. Instead, he pulls up a chair across from me and starts to work with me.
“What’re you doin’?” I ask.
“Workin’. Can’t stand around and do nothing.”
Dipping my chin, I don’t say anything, because I’m the same way. I am too full of nervous energy to sit around and do nothing at all. I can’t even watch a whole fucking movie without getting up a few times and walking around.
“The baby’s Mountain’s. I just wanted to let you know, didn’t want you to think we were hiding anything from you,” he announces after a few minutes of silence.
I suck in a breath, holding it for a moment, then let it out. My hands continue to work, but they’re a little shakier now than they were a moment ago.
“Yeah?”
He hums. “Named him after him too. Santiago Lion,” he informs me.
“I’m glad it’s his,” I rasp.
I wanted a baby. I really did, but I was fucked up. I wasn’t even seeing straight at that time, let alone thinking straight. I would have fucked shit up even more had Della stayed with me, had she not done what she did, had Eagle not done what he did.
“You did the right thing. I’m glad that you did,” I say, lifting my eyes to meet his. “I was wrong in a lot of ways, but I’m glad he’s Mountain’s and I’m grateful as fuck that you did what you did and that you and Della are solid.”
Eagle’s eyes focus on mine, they don’t move and he doesn’t look away. “We’re solid, brother. Knew I shouldn’t have done it, but also knew I couldn’t walk away from her.”
“I get it,” I say.
“Pamela?” he asks.
I snort. “Turns eighteen today. I’m staying far away from her. She don’t deserve to have a man twenty years older than her fucking up her entire life. I ain’t good for nothin’, Eagle, and you of all people know that shit.”
He doesn’t say anything and we stare at one another for a long moment before we get back to work. I don’t know how long we work in silence, but it seems like an hour, maybe two, goes by before he speaks.
“Seems maybe you know where you failed and you aren’t the same man you were a few months ago. Also seems to me that what you and Della had was toxic, on both sides, and maybe with this girl it wouldn’t be the same kind of relationship.”
I stop packaging for a moment and stare at the tabletop. There is coke all over the place, baggies and a scale. This is what I can offer a woman, and this is supposed to be non-toxic? I let out a snort, then lift my gaze to meet his.
“She needs someone better. She needs to be out of the club life. She needs to find someone who can take care of her. Look around, that is definitely not me.”
Eagle watches me for a long moment, holding my eyes. Then he chuckles. I’m not sure what he finds so funny, but he lets me in on his joke.
“I think you’re absolutely who she needs, Jag. Don’t fuck it up, brother.”
Then before I can say anything else, he stands and walks away from me. I wonder why he’s left me alone, when Mountain walks in and lets out a grunt. “Birthday party is starting soon. Dragon said you could come and join, since it’s for your girl.”
Chapter Ten
PAMELA
The bar starts filling with people. Men and women alike make their way inside and I watch them file in. They don’t all wear Savage Beast cuts, some have on Sinister Skull cuts, and some don’t wear any colors at all. I feel like running away and hiding.
There are way too many people in the space. Food has been brought in and I watch as people eat and drink, though I stay in the shadows, too afraid to come out into the dim light. Then I see him. His limp is unmistakable.
Jaguar walks through the door, and I want nothing more than to run toward him and wrap my arms around him. I don’t. He wouldn’t want that. He’s made it clear that he helped me, and that is what our relationship is, even if I catch the way he looks at me out of the corner of my eye.
I think he wants more, but I don’t think he will ever act on it. I’m nothing but a little girl that he saved. I’ll never be anything more. Looking down at my feet, I wonder how long I have to stay out here before I can go back to my room.
“Where’s the birthday girl?” a voice shouts.
Lifting my head, I can feel my face heat immediately. Looking around, I watch as a gorgeous blonde walks out of the kitchen holding a double-layer pink frosted cake in her hand with burning 1-8 candles in the center.
Tears sting my
