“Yeah.” He runs a hand through his hair, his muscles flexing with the movement and begging for me to stare. Chase was always a fit guy, but his arms are bigger now, his skin filled with more ink. He wears his hair longer than before and the stubble on his jaw is peppered with a few grays. Fuck, why is that so hot? Why couldn’t he have turned ugly?
A cry rings out—one I would recognize anywhere—and I rush toward my son.
“Hey, there.” Simon squats and brushes Matthew’s clothes off. “There, there. You’re all right, mate.”
Before I can ask what happened, Matthew’s arms reach for me. “Mama!” he cries, but I can already tell it’s filled with more exhaustion than pain. He’s still adjusting to the time difference and probably ready for a nap.
“He caught his foot on that chair leg, but I don’t think he’s hurt.” Simon pulls Matthew’s pant leg up to check for cuts.
“He needs a nap,” I say, my tone sharper than I intend.
Simon’s brows lift. “Maybe you both do?”
It takes everything not to roll my eyes, especially when he lets out a laugh. I’m frustrated knowing I’m wearing my emotions all over my face. As if feeling my agitation, Matthew’s cries grow louder. “Let’s go.”
“You sure?” Simon eyes the other end of the room. “I can take him back to the house.”
I should be grateful for his offer. That he’s not intimidated to handle a screaming toddler or venture back to my parents’ house on his own. But instead, it sparks irritation. Because right now I don’t know where I fit, surrounded by women who used to be my best friends but know nothing of my life, and by a man who I shared everything with, and is now practically a stranger. Even at my parents’ house, everything is different. I feel lost. Out of control. But most of all, I’m confused.
“Alicia?” Simon says, his brow knit with concern.
“Sorry.” I rub Matthew’s back, thankful he’s settling down. “I’m ready to go.” As the three of us walk away, I chance one glance over my shoulder and find Chase staring, his eyes boring into mine as if he sees everything. I wish I had the same skill, but instead I leave the restaurant with more questions than answers.
9
Chase
With the rehearsal a bust, Cam drives Kenslee back to her mom’s for the night and I head to the house to get bossed around by his future bride—voluntarily of course, and in hopes of gaining more information on Alicia and her new family. Rationally, I understand there’s a slim chance the boy is mine, but I can’t get his smile out of my mind. Does it resemble my own or am I reaching?
I can’t believe she has a kid.
Alicia. A mom. Without me. I thought I’d moved on, that I’d accepted the fact she wasn’t coming back, but this is a nail in the coffin of the dream I once held. I guess a part of me still holds out hope that we’d get a second chance.
Shit. I immediately feel remorse for my girlfriend, Julia. She deserves to be with a man whose heart is fully available. I thought mine was. Hell, we’ve been making plans to get a place together once her lease is up at the end of the year. I was prepared to make that commitment. Or, at least I thought I was.
So why do I spend the entire ride home thinking of Alicia and her little boy instead of my girlfriend? I pull into the drive behind Jill, my mind a complete mess. I’m thankful Julia’s car isn’t here. We made plans to have dinner at my place tonight and she’ll be off work soon, but I’m not sure how much I want to tell her. Not when I’m still processing it all. Not when my feelings for Alicia are so damn confusing. Julia is a good woman and I would never say or do anything to hurt her.
“What do you need?” I ask Jill as I hop out of my truck.
“Can you help me grab the stuff out of my trunk?” Jill says, blowing out a frustrated breath.
“Hey.” I stand at her side and throw my arm around her shoulder for a quick squeeze before grabbing the box of rehearsal supplies. “You okay?”
“I don’t even know.” Jill huffs out a laugh. She reaches for the remaining bags and shuts the trunk. “Today went nothing like I thought it would, and I should be more upset, right?” We walk up the drive together and I wait for her to unlock the front door.
“I don’t really think there’s a proper protocol for a wedding venue busted by a semi.” I set the box on the table. “You want a soda?”
“Yeah, thanks.”
I head to the fridge and retrieve two cans. “Hey, maybe it’s good luck. Like rain, or whatever.”
“Fuck.” Jill takes the offered soda, popping the tab and sinking back onto the couch. “I don’t even know. Maybe we should cancel it all and just go to the justice of the peace?”
“Absolutely not,” Callie says, barging in the front door. “You’re not a quitter.”
“You got here fast.” Jill sits up and I pull out one of the kitchen barstools to wait for my updated binder. Knowing these two, it’ll be ready in less than an hour.
“I had Ash drop me off.” Callie bugs her eyes. “I know we should jump right into operation re-plan the wedding, but what the hell? Jill!” Callie squeals, bouncing onto the couch opposite her friend. “Alicia had a baby!”
“A secret baby!”
My ears perk up. Interest and unease swirl in my gut.
“Did you know?” Callie asks her.
“No! Did you?”
“Are you kidding
