I can see the look on her face changing. Davina is all in now and knows this has nothing to do with a lover’s tiff.
“Tell me every little thing, don’t leave a single word out.” Shifting her body, she is now sitting up and paying attention to me.
“This morning Kurt took Coco out to do her business. I got up and decided to head into the kitchen to start the coffee. He was standing outside on the phone and was pacing like he was irritated. Like, really agitated.” I peek over my shoulder to make sure he isn’t looking at me or is right behind me.
“Who was he talking to?”
“I’ve got no idea. When I came out, he was already talking. The door was open so I could hear every word.” I’m gripping my coffee mug so hard I’m sure it’s about to shatter in my hands.
“Go on. Don’t stop now.”
“He said that they needed to stick to the plan and that he is the only person that can finish this. That he can’t leave here, and he doesn’t… he doesn’t…” My voice is quivering.
Davina puts her hand on my knee to offer support.
A few months ago, I would have craved her support like that, but now it means nothing.
The only touch that has ever made me feel safe is Kurt’s.
Now I’m sitting here doubting every single one of those touches and wondering if it was ever real.
“He doesn’t trust me, after all we have said and felt, he doesn’t really mean it. How the hell can that be true?”
I drop my head and look at the ground. I don’t want to see the look on her face. I don’t want the told-you-so look or the pity that will go with it.
“I know you are feeling hurt, but you aren’t thinking about the bigger picture here. Your relationship with Kurt is the least of our problems.”
The words I’ve been dreading hearing come streaming out of her next. “We need to move you and we need to do it tonight. Your safety here is compromised and I’m shocked to say that it’s come from the last person I expected.”
“No, surely we can just try to work it out. You didn’t even know anything was going on, so it can’t be too serious. Maybe it’s just something that has nothing to do with me, yeah, that’s it. I just jumped to conclusions.”
“Asha, stop.” Her voice is forceful and blunt.
“No, no, no, I can’t go. I can’t do this again. I just… I can’t. Coco, what will we do with her? I have to look after her. She’s mine, I can’t abandon her.”
“Stop! I’m sure Kurt will take care of Coco or we will find someone. You need to pull yourself together. You knew what was going to happen when you told me about that phone call. You also knew deep down that this is more than a misunderstanding, otherwise you wouldn’t have said anything.” Davina’s hand on my knee now feels like it’s burning my skin. I don’t want her touching me.
I can’t breathe.
My chest is on fire and tightening.
Heart racing.
I feel like the first day all over again. Being pulled away from my parents.
The person you love being taken from you with the prospect of maybe never seeing them again.
I should have just shut up and ignored it.
But is Davina right?
In my gut, do I really know that there is danger around me?
I wish I knew. It’s like all the words have left me now.
Looking at her, I feel numb.
“Okay, this is what we are going to do. It will be hard to get Kurt to give you time on your own during the day. We will need to move tonight while he’s sleeping. You need to sneak out of bed at midnight, taking nothing, no phone, computer, or anything personal. Walk down the driveway, and we will have Scott take you from there. I will meet you at the new safehouse. I will make arrangements today to move you and have clothes and food waiting for you. Are you listening to anything I’m saying?”
I can’t sit here so close to her right this minute. Standing, I walk a little back and forth. There is too much nervous energy in my legs.
“For fuck’s sake, Asha, pay attention. I know you are upset but you need to get this right. We only get one chance at this. Kurt’s too smart. Does he know you heard anything this morning?” I can tell Davina has clicked into work mode now.
Her face tells me she doesn’t care how much I’m hurting on the inside and can’t hear the sound of my heart shattering the more she talks.
“No, he doesn’t know anything.” Which isn’t entirely true, but I can’t bring myself to say too much more. He has worked out I’m not myself, but I’m sure he has no idea what it is. In a way I’m glad. I don’t think I can stand to hear him lie to my face.
It will break me beyond the point of being able to go on.
“I need to go, but are we clear? This is happening whether you want it to or not. I did warn you not to get involved. I should never have let it happen. I knew it would come back and bite me, but stupid me thought it would just be that he broke your heart, not something serious.
