James’s eyes lit up with horror, and I could swear, the second before the tip connected with him, I saw relief.
Maybe that’s just what I wanted to believe. What I needed to believe to keep standing.
He dropped the gun, and Noah and I leapt back, staring at the horror of what I had done. I felt bile rise in my throat, spewing out of my mouth in an instant, my entire body trembling with adrenaline. James’s hands flailed about, attempting to grab the spear, trying and failing to pull it loose as blood gushed out at an alarming rate.
Behind me, Noah was out of breath. He kicked the gun farther away from James with his bad leg, then collapsed onto the ground. I forced myself to calm down, squeezing my hands into fists.
I didn’t have time to panic. Noah needed me. I pulled my shirt over my head, hurrying toward him and wrapping it around his calf. I applied pressure to the gunshot wound and exit wound at once.
He was paler than usual, his eyes haunted and pained.
“I don’t think it hit an artery,” I told him, trying not to focus on the sounds of James’s gasping, dying breaths behind us. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking. I’d killed someone. I’d actually killed someone. “You’re going to be okay.” I wanted it to be true. Needed it to be true. But I had no idea if it actually was. Harry would know, but Harry was not there. The white shirt stained red under my palms, and I pressed down harder.
His smile was faint, and I knew he was trying to seem braver than he felt. He tilted his chin toward the shirt, breathless. “Is this…your way of returning my gift?”
Tears filled my eyes as I laughed. “You saved me with it, now I’m saving you.”
He placed his hands on mine, and I looked up at him, our eyes connecting in a moment of passion. “You’re going to be okay,” he said, sadness at the edge of his expression.
“I know. We both are. Everything’s going to be okay. We just have to get this wound healed up, and you’ll be set.” I needed him to believe me, but I could see that he didn’t.
He gently nudged my hand back from the wound, letting the shirt fall away. Despite my best efforts, the bleeding hadn’t slowed. I tried to wrap the shirt back around his leg but he shook his head, stopping me. “Go back to your husband, Katy. Go back home and have a beautiful life. Just…think about me occasionally.” He tried to offer a playful smile, but I saw through it.
“What are you talking about?” I shook my head, fighting with him to put the shirt back over the wound. “This is not a fatal wound. The bullet went through your leg. We just have to stop the bleeding, and then it’ll heal. Don’t talk like that…”
He pushed my hand away again, his face serious. “Even if you get it to stop bleeding, we have no antibiotic supplies, no gauze, no way to sterilize our hands or bandages. Back in the real world, I’d probably be fine. But we aren’t in the real world, and I’m not going to make you watch me die a slow, miserable death of blood poisoning or infection. We aren’t amputating my leg out here; this isn’t Lost.” He ran a hand over my hair, tucking it behind my ear. “We had a good run, kiddo. I couldn’t have asked for a better place, or a better person, to spend my last days with.”
Tears poured out of my eyes, my body trembling with grief. “This isn’t what I want, Noah. I want you. I want this. You can’t die. You can’t leave me. Please.”
He sniffled, his smile patronizing. “I wouldn’t if I had a choice.” He scoffed. “I’d never leave you if I had a choice. But I won’t let you watch me die. Not like this.” He gestured toward his leg. “I’m sorry. I’m not giving you the choice here. Just…” He looked down. “Can I give you a kiss to remember me?”
I leaned forward, pressing my lips to his as my tears fell against his cheeks. My chest was tight with anguish. I didn’t feel capable of withstanding any more loss. How could anyone handle this much pain?
“I don’t want to lose you.”
He rubbed his nose against mine gently, pressing our foreheads together. “I’m supposed to say something cheesy about how I’ll always be in your heart or something, aren’t I?”
I laughed through my tears, and when I pulled away, he placed his hand to his mouth, tossing a handful of berries inside of it. “Wait! Not right now! You have to give me time. We need to talk about this… To think it over. You can’t just—”
He was already chewing. “If I think about it or talk about it anymore, if I spend one more second with you, I’ll change my mind.” He swallowed, tossing in another handful and chewing it just as quickly. His eyes filled with new tears, and I wrapped my arms around him, holding him against me as I sobbed.
“I’ll never forget you,” I swore to him. “Never.”
“You’d better not.” He kissed my forehead again, pushing me away from him carefully and attempting to stand up.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“For a swim,” he said. “One last time… It’s, well, before I met you, it was my favorite place to be. My favorite thing to do. I want to be in the water when I go.” I swallowed, trying to slow my tears.
