I will never forget you, I vowed silently to the friends I was leaving behind and the place that would shape the rest of my life.
The man nudged me forward gently without a word, and I went where he guided me, walking into a dark room with no windows. He departed from the room and shut the door behind him. I heard the engine rev up and closed my eyes, resting against a nearby wall. I’d be on the boat for hours ahead, just like the ride in had taken, but this journey would be made completely alone.
I thought back to the boat ride in, unable to keep my mind from drifting there, and saw Noah’s face, the way he’d smiled at me the first day, remembered the way he and Ava had danced together, the way James had chatted and laughed with the bartender, and Harry had sat alone with his book, drinking beer and staring out on the horizon. How would I ever explain to Ned the way these people had shaped me? What they meant to me now?
The time passed slowly, the boat’s rocking making me seasick, the near-silence deafening after a month or more with the ocean’s roar as a constant source of noise. But eventually, I heard the engine shut off, heard the sounds of people all around, and I saw the light peek through the crack of the door.
The noise was louder then. Music. Voices. We’d reached our port. I heard a DJ talking on a microphone, children laughing as they played, and seagulls cawing overhead.
The man led me toward the edge of the boat, where I could disembark via a metal ramp. He handed me a backpack when I reached the dock and climbed back on board without a word. Within seconds, the boat was pulling away, and I was alone.
Alone, yet surrounded by thousands of people.
Every noise was loud and frightening, and I kept worrying that everyone I passed would recognize me or begin to ask questions. How was I supposed to go back to normal after this?
I made my way toward the bar with the loud DJ and approached the counter. It took the bartender a while to notice me and, when he did, he didn’t attempt to hide his grimace. “Can I help you?”
“Do you have a phone I could borrow?” He looked me up and down, and I knew what I must look like. Hairy, dingy, and dirty, with blood still caked under my fingernails, unwashed hair, and a bathing suit bleached by the sun and permanently filthy. If I were in his position, I may not have wanted to help either.
“Nah,” he said, pointing in the opposite direction than I’d come from. “Check with the hotel.”
I nodded, slinking away from him and turning around when someone caught my arm. I spun around, my body on fire as I prepared to fight.
The older woman released me, her smile kind, and she held out her phone. “Do you need to call someone? I’m sorry, I overheard…”
“Really?” I asked, shocked by the generosity. “Thank you.” I took the phone from her, dialing Ned’s phone number, thankful it was one of the only ones I had memorized.
“I was once where you are,” she said, slipping me a twenty-dollar bill and a card that said Jesus loves you! “You’ve gotta get off the drugs, honey. That’s no life for a pretty girl like you.”
I smiled politely, thankful that she only took me for an addict and not a murderer, and placed the phone to my ear. “Thank you,” I repeated as the phone began to ring.
I heard the line click, heard his heavy breath, heard him say, “Hello?”
My heart skipped a beat, tears filling my eyes as I sank to a squatting position, the weight of everything I’d been through crashing into me. “Ned? It’s…it’s me.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The woman booked me a hotel room, making me swear I wouldn’t use it to get high, and left me to my devices. I was numb as I took my shower, letting the water wash over me. I scrubbed the blood from my fingernails and tossed out the dry-rotting bikini, only then remembering that our phones, my Kindle, and Harry’s book were somewhere on the island. I supposed the employees would clean that up, too.
Without any clothes to wear, I wrapped up in the sheet from the bed, sitting on the edge of the mattress and staring at the clock. Ned’s flight would’ve already landed, and he’d be on his way to me.
I dreaded seeing him, as bad as that sounded. Only because I still hadn’t made sense of my feelings or how I would explain it all to him. I looked at the backpack on the floor. I hadn’t been able to open it yet. The money didn’t matter to me. We were okay, we didn’t need it, and it in no way accounted for the cost of their lives.
The very idea of them buying my silence was sickening.
But if she’d meant what she’d said, about their powerful friends, I had to be careful about my path forward. A knock sounded at the door and I stood, my body tense.
I walked across the room in a trance and swung it open. Ned stood before me, tears already in his eyes. He gasped and looked down at his phone.
“When you texted me the room number from that phone number… I was worried it was a prank. I was worried this was all a prank. I…didn’t think you’d actually be here.”
We fell into each other’s arms, shutting the door as he came into the room. I gripped him as tight as I could, sobs ricocheting through my chest with ferocity. His strong arms held me, his chest shaking against mine as he
