No, they would learn the truth and that terrified Owen Day more than a prison cell ever would.
“Risk.” I stepped forward. “You did it . . . you beat him.”
Risk whirled to face me and with a choked sob, he enveloped me in a bone-crushing hug that, after years of pain, held nothing but relief and justice in its embrace. He held me for a long time but when we separated and I took a step back so I could stare up at him, my heart ached painfully. I looked into the eyes I loved . . . and I didn’t recognise them.
“You’ve taken more, haven’t you?” I asked. “More drugs?”
He shook his head.
“Don’t lie to me.” I warned. “I can see it in your eyes.”
His jaw jumped around and his eyes were wild.
“I had a couple more lines of coke . . . that’s it.”
Half a line of that poison was more than enough.
“Where is Chris?” I asked. “He is your manager! He should stop you from doing this.”
“That arsehole is sacked, Frankie.”
I turned and looked at May with wide eyes. “What?”
“Tob told us that he grabbed you and shoved you into a fucking wall, and about the things he said to you,” Hayes said, his body rigid. “He’s done.”
I looked back at Risk. “You guys fired him?”
“He spoke down to you and put his hands on you,” Risk practically growled. “Of course we sacked him, he’s lucky I didn’t kill him.”
I couldn’t say I felt any love lost for the man, something about him rubbed me the wrong way from the second I clapped eyes on him.
“You guys need a manager. You have to go back to rehab, Risk. Someone has to deal with all of that,” I told him. “Your body isn’t used to taking that stuff anymore, you’ll kill yourself. You have to go back.”
“Please. I’m fine.” He pressed his body to mine. “Don’t send me away again. We can fix what happened tonight at the gig. Okay? We can fix it, Frankie. We’ll get a new manager and me and you will be okay again.”
Denial. He was in denial.
“Risk, you need to go back to rehab.” I lifted my hands to his face. “You need to get clean again.”
“I can handle this,” he swore. “It’s only a couple of lines.”
I couldn’t believe he was trying to talk me round to being okay with him using.
“D’you want me in your life?”
“You are my life.”
I lifted my chin. “Then go back to rehab and get clean.”
Risk’s eyes darkened. “Or what?”
“Or tonight will be the last time we ever see one another.”
Risk’s lips parted, he looked like I just told him the world was ending.
“Why d’you keep doing this to me?” he asked, the hurt in his tone weighed heavily on my shoulders. “Why do you keep doing what I never thought you would?”
“What am I doing? What have I done?”
“You’re sending me away.”
I froze.
“You weren’t supposed to send me away!” He shook. “Never you!”
I couldn’t speak. His arms dropped limp to his sides. Tobias, Jacob, May, Hayes and Angel were standing a few metres away watching us, listening to every word we spoke.
“May and Hayes became my friends because their mums told them to play with me when we were in reception. I know they love me, but I wasn’t their choice for a friend. I wasn’t Owen and Freda’s choice for a foster kid, I wasn’t a choice for any family who met with me to adopt me. I wasn’t wanted, I was no one’s choice . . . until you.”
A sob left my mouth.
“You wanted me just for me.” His eyes were glazed over with tears. “Before I was Risk Keller, I was your rock star. You showed me what it feels like to be loved so completely, you showed me what it’s like to be in a family. You were everything to me, Frankie . . . and you sent me away. Just like everyone else. You sent me away.”
I knew he was going to turn and walk away from me and I knew that if I left him, there would never be a chance for us to be anything to one another, not even friends. Before he had a chance to move, I rushed forward and wrapped my arms around his middle. I squeezed him so tight, I heard his breath catch.
“You would have resented me,” I said, my throat hurting from the need to cry. “You would have given everything up for me, I knew you would have. I couldn’t live with being the person who dimmed your light, Risk. I broke my own heart when I ended us.”
I held on to him tightly when his hands touched my back and gripped tightly on to my T-shirt.
“You didn’t believe in us, Frankie,” he said. “Not like I did.”
I looked up at him. “I believed in us more than anything in this world, but can you look me in the eye and tell me that you would have lived the life you have knowing I was here in Southwold? Would you have settled for seeing me a few times a year or would you have given everything up just to be with me?”
“So what if I would have
