“Not particularly. Though it probably is for the best, as nothing could come of it.”
He paused slightly, confusion clouding his expression. “I don’t understand.”
She couldn’t help but thrust her cane harder into the dirt as she stomped along the ground, the upset she was feeling starting to manifest. “Don’t you remember our last conversation?”
“The conversation when you told me you were in love with me?” He paused. “That conversation?”
Olivia raised her chin and plastered on her blandest expression. “Yes, that’s the one.”
“The one when I was being a complete ass?” he replied. “The one when I should have told you the truth of how I was feeling, too, instead of hiding behind my fears? That conversation?”
Livie’s heart kicked up a notch and she licked her suddenly dry lips. “Don’t, Sebastian. Please don’t.”
“Don’t do what, Livie?” Gently, he took her hand in his own and stopped walking. “Tell you how I really feel?”
She paused, too, and turned to face him. A part of her desperately wanted to hear what she thought he might say, but another part of her, the sensible part, knew that if he did so, it would only make saying goodbye to each other all the harder. “Don’t. You were right to tell me I was foolish. That nothing could ever be between us. I know that now. And I should never have burdened you with my feelings. It was a mistake.”
“No. I was the one in the wrong, Livie.” Sebastian raked his fingers through his hair. “I was too scared that if I said the words, that you would be taken from me. And then when you were taken, anyway, I realized I should have told you. I should have told you the truth, that I love you, Livie.” His voice was husky, and his eyes looked so vulnerable as he stood there, staring at her. “I’ve been falling in love with you since you sent me that first letter of yours demanding a meeting with me.”
His words sent an equal measure of joy and sadness through her. Was what he said true? And even if it was, what did it matter when nothing could come of it.
“And as much as it scares the hell out of me,” he continued, “I’m going to love you for the rest of my days.”
The whole world seemed to disappear before her, and all that was left was her and Sebastian, and such an ache in her heart. “You can’t.” Her words were but a breathless whisper as she stared into his eyes and saw such candor in them.
“I can and I will.” He paused and took in a very deep and unsteady breath. “I don’t confess to know how it’s going to work between us. I don’t pretend at all that it’s going to be easy, because it won’t be. We both know better than anyone how very different our worlds are. But I know together we’re stronger than when we’re apart, and that together we can handle anything life or Society tries to throw at us.”
“Now it is you who are being the naive one,” she murmured, feeling the moisture well in her eyes. “You know Society would never accept us being together.”
“Maybe,” he agreed. “But I love you, Livie. I will always love you. And you love me. Surely our love can get us through anything.”
“If only that were true.” She roughly swiped away at a stray tear. “But it’s not just about us, is it? As desperately as I wish it were.” Her heart felt like it was withering inside, and all she wanted to do was curl into a ball and weep until there were no tears left. “My actions will have consequences not just for myself but for my friends and family. Scandal would follow them, too.” As her aunt had succinctly pointed out the other day.
“So, you are more worried about them than your own happiness?” There was a hint of both confusion and bitterness in his words.
“I have to consider them.” If only she could make him understand. “My actions have ramifications not just for myself but for them, too. If I were to follow my heart, I would never be able to see them again. Never be able to talk with them again. I just don’t think I can do that…”
The very thought of being isolated from her brothers and father, let alone Kat and Etta, was devastating. But equally, the mere thought of never seeing Sebastian again was a loss from which she knew she would never recover. But what else could she do? Being with him meant giving up everything. It meant giving up her family. Her friends. Her entire world as she knew it. How could she do that? Especially when it would rip her family in two. “I’m all that my brothers and father have left after my mother died.”
“You would seek their happiness above yours?”
“It would be selfish if I considered only myself.”
“Then why did you tell me you loved me?” His voice was a tortured whisper. “Why tell me such a thing when you knew we could never have a future together?”
“I don’t know,” she cried. “I didn’t think it through at the time.”
“You’ve changed your mind, haven’t you?” There was a hollowness to his tone that was like an arrow in Livie’s heart. “Now you’ve had time to think upon it, the ramifications of us being together have hit, and you’ve realized what you felt for me was lust and not love.”
“It’s not like that. I meant every word I said, Sebastian.” She raised her chin and looked him straight in the eyes, caring little that tears were now streaming down her face. “I love you. I will always love you, even if we can never be together.”
“Then be brave, Livie,” he urged her, reaching over and gripping her free hand with his. “Please be brave for both of us.”
“I wish I could be.”
“You can be,” he urged, squeezing her fingers. “You’re the bravest woman
