Today was Wednesday the twenty-ninth of July. She would be seeing him this evening anyway. She would have to tell him today. In the barn he would take her in his arms, kiss her long and passionately and together they would sink down on to the small bit of carpet. There he would fondle her, she responding with sighs of joy and they would make love. But today they had more important things to consider. Making love could wait until after she told him.
In the barn she turned her face away from his kiss as they stood there; she needed to say what had to be said before they sank down on to the ground.
Her expression one of anguish, she poured out her plight to him in a rush. ‘Freddy, I think I’m pregnant and I don’t know what to do.’
Her voice fading away, she waited for him to speak, to tell her it would all be all right. But he’d gone very quiet, remaining silent for so long that her heart began to thump even more heavily than it had as they’d gone into the barn, his arm about her waist in all innocence of what she had to tell him. She found herself aching for him to say something now. When he did, his tone was even and very quiet.
‘What d’you want me to say?’
‘I just want to know what we are going to do,’ she said, her voice quavering.
For a moment or two longer he stood looking at her, to her relief seeming in fact to be debating what they would do. Then he spoke again, softly, almost abstractly.
‘We?’
Madeleine felt her body chill at that single word. What did he mean?
‘You and me, us, what are we going to do, Freddy?’
Her words began to pour from her in a frantic gush. ‘My father will kill me when he finds out and he will in time, won’t he? He’ll never agree to us marrying. But I thought maybe if you and I run away together and get married before he finds out, he won’t be able to do anything about it.’
For a moment he stood silently regarding her. His hands had dropped away from her waist. Then in low, measured tones he said, ‘I don’t know about me, but you’re going to have to get rid of it before your father does get to see your condition, that’s if you’re what you say you are, because you can only be two months gone, three at the most.’
‘It could be almost three.’
‘Even so, there’s still time to get rid of it. Then we can forget all about it and go on as we’ve been doing.’
‘Get rid of it?’ she echoed, bemused by his calm attitude, not really understanding.
He gave a half smile. ‘You really have had a sheltered life, haven’t you? I don’t think you know much about life at all, do you? Now look,’ he went on, growing serious. ‘This is how it works. I take you to someone and you tell her what’s happened and she does this small thing to you, down there.’ He pointed to her lower body. ‘It all comes away and you’re back to normal. You’ll have to pay her of course.’
‘Pay her? Who is she?’
‘The woman who does that sort of thing, but she don’t like to be named and you mustn’t tell anyone what you’re up to because you and her could get into trouble with the law. Abortion’s illegal.’
Madeleine stared at him, hardly comprehending what he was saying. ‘I don’t understand,’ she said. ‘Abortion? What do you mean?’
She saw him give a long-suffering sigh. ‘It means, my love, getting rid of the baby if you are in fact pregnant.’
She continued to stare at him. ‘You mean it… it’s… killed?’ she stammered in sudden horror, her hand to her mouth.
‘It’s just a fetus, Maddie, at the moment hardly much bigger than, say a marble.’
‘But alive. And to get rid of it… I couldn’t do that! It’s wicked, it’s cruel! No, Freddy, I can’t do that!’
‘Well, you can’t possibly have it, can you?’ he reasoned.
‘But—’ She stopped, her heart racing. ‘But if we’re married, none of that will need to happen. We could—’
‘Marry!’ he broke in. ‘Maddie, have I ever mentioned marriage?’
Madeleine stared at him. ‘I thought… after us making love all this time, I thought…’
She saw him grimace. ‘Maddie, darling, you thought wrong. Whatever gave you that idea?’
‘But you love me!’ Her voice was a tremulous wail.
‘I do, but not in that way. Besides, you’ve got a fiancé. You told me about him. Well, if he wants to marry you, so let him. And make it quick before he finds out about your situation.’
‘But I don’t love him. I love you!’
He was beginning to look impatient, angry. ‘Well, you’ll just have to stop loving me. I’m not about to be saddled with a kid, nor have your father coming after me. Besides, I’ve got a fiancée too. Next spring we’re going to be wed. So I’d have had to cut short our affair eventually.’
He looked at her as, almost in tears now, she began to back away from him. ‘Surely you knew this couldn’t go on forever. It would have had to come to an end sooner or later. You must’ve known that.’
Hearing him speaking so coldly, so calmly, she felt her legs suddenly lose all strength, giving way beneath her, and she sank to the floor, sobs beginning to rack her body. But instead of helping her to her
