Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

and quite a lot of paint for such an elderly lady. So the first thing she asked us was she asked us if we bought some shell flowers from her daughter. So we told her no. But she did not seem to act like a Countess of her elderly age should act. Because she said, “You were right my dears⁠—don’t let my daughter stick you⁠—they fall apart in less than a week.” So then she asked us if we would like to buy a dog. I mean I could not stop Dorothy but she said “How long before the dogs fall apart?” But I do not think the Countess acted like a Countess ought to act because she laughed very, very loud and she said that Dorothy was really priceless and she grabbed Dorothy and kissed her and held her arm around her all the time. I mean I really think that a Countess should not encouradge Dorothy or else she is just as unrefined as Dorothy seems to be. But I told the Countess that we did not need any dog.

So then I met quite a delightful English lady who had a very, very beautiful diamond tiara in her hand bag because she said that she thought some Americans would be at the party and it was really a very, very great bargain. I mean I think a diamond tiara is delightful because it is a place where I really never thought of wearing diamonds before, and I thought I had almost one of everything until I saw a diamond tiara. The English lady who is called Mrs. Weeks said it was in her family for years but the good thing about diamonds is they always look new. So I was really very intreeged and I asked her how much it cost in money and it seems it was $7,500.

So then I looked around the room and I noticed a gentleman who seemed to be quite well groomed. So I asked Major Falcon who he was and he said he was called Sir Francis Beekman and it seems he is very, very wealthy. So then I asked Major Falcon to give us an introduction to one another and we met one another and I asked Sir Francis Beekman if he would hold my hat while I could try on the diamond tiara because I could wear it backwards with a ribbon, on account of my hair being hobbed, and I told Sir Francis Beekman that I really thought it looked quite cute. So he thought it did to, but he seemed to have another engagement. So the Countess came up to me and she is really very unrefined because she said to me “Do not waste your time on him” because she said that whenever Sir Francis Beekman spent a haypenny the statue of a gentleman called Mr. Nelson took off his hat and bowed. I mean some people are so unrefined they seem to have unrefined thoughts about everything.

So I really have my heart set on the diamond tiara and I became quite worried because Mrs. Weeks said she was going to a delightful party last night that would be full of delightful Americans and it would be snaped up. So I was so worried that I gave her 100 dollars and she is going to hold the diamond tiara for me. Because what is the use of traveling if you do not take advantadge of oportunities and it really is quite unusual to get a bargain from an English lady. So last night I cabled Mr. Eisman and I told Mr. Eisman that he does not seem to how know much it costs to get educated by traveling and I said I really would have to have $10,000 and I said I hoped I would not have to borrow the money from some strange English gentleman, even if he might be very very good looking. So I really could not sleep all night because of all of my worrying because if I do not get the money to buy the diamond tiara it may be a quite hard thing to get back $100 from an English lady.

So now I must really get dressed as Major Falcon is going to take Dorothy and I to look at all the sights in London. But I really think if I do not get the diamond tiara my whole trip to London will be quite a failure.

April 18th:

Yesterday was quite a day and night. I mean Major Falcon came to take Dorothy and I to see all the sights in London. So I thought it would be delightful if we had another gentleman and I made Major Falcon call up Sir Francis Beekman. I mean I had a cable from Mr. Eisman which told me he could not send me 10,000 dollars but he would send me 1,000 dollars which really would not be a drop in the bucket for the diamond tiara. So Sir Francis Beekman said that he could not come but I teased him and teased him over the telephone so he finally said he would come.

So Major Falcon drives his own car so Dorothy sat with him and I sat with Sir Francis Beekman but I told him that I was not going to call him Sir Francis Beekman but I was really going to call him Piggie.

In London they make a very, very great fuss over nothing at all. I mean London is really nothing at all. For instants, they make a great fuss over a tower that really is not even as tall as the Hickox building in Little Rock Arkansas and it would only make a chimney on one of our towers in New York. So Sir Francis Beekman wanted us to get out and look at the tower because he said that quite a famous Queen had her head cut off there one morning and Dorothy said “What a fool she was to get up that morning”