The Taming of the Shrew

every thing in order? Curtis All ready; and therefore, I pray thee, news. Grumio First, know, my horse is tired; my master and mistress fallen out. Curtis How? Grumio Out of their saddles into the dirt; and thereby hangs a tale. Curtis Let’s ha’t, good Grumio. Grumio Lend thine ear. Curtis Here. Grumio There. Strikes him. Curtis This is to feel a tale, not to hear a tale. Grumio And therefore ’tis called a sensible tale: and this cuff was but to knock at your ear, and beseech listening. Now I begin: Imprimis, we came down a foul hill, my master riding behind my mistress⁠— Curtis Both of one horse? Grumio What’s that to thee? Curtis Why, a horse. Grumio Tell thou the tale: but hadst thou not crossed me, thou shouldst have heard how her horse fell and she under her horse; thou shouldst have heard in how miry a place, how she was bemoiled, how he left her with the horse upon her, how he beat me because her horse stumbled, how she waded through the dirt to pluck him off me, how he swore, how she prayed, that never prayed before, how I cried, how the horses ran away, how her bridle was burst, how I lost my crupper, with many things of worthy memory, which now shall die in oblivion and thou return unexperienced to thy grave. Curtis By this reckoning he is more shrew than she. Grumio Ay; and that thou and the proudest of you all shall find when he comes home. But what talk I of this? Call forth Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip, Walter, Sugarsop and the rest: let their heads be sleekly combed, their blue coats brushed and their garters of an indifferent knit: let them curtsy with their left legs and not presume to touch a hair of my master’s horse-tail till they kiss their hands. Are they all ready? Curtis They are. Grumio Call them forth. Curtis Do you hear, ho? you must meet my master to countenance my mistress. Grumio Why, she hath a face of her own. Curtis Who knows not that? Grumio Thou, it seems, that calls for company to countenance her. Curtis I call them forth to credit her. Grumio Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them. Enter four or five Serving-men. Nathaniel Welcome home, Grumio! Philip How now, Grumio! Joseph What, Grumio! Nicholas Fellow Grumio! Nathaniel How now, old lad? Grumio Welcome, you;⁠—how now, you;⁠—what, you;⁠—fellow, you;⁠—and thus much for greeting. Now, my spruce companions, is all ready, and all things neat? Nathaniel All things is ready. How near is our master? Grumio E’en at hand, alighted by this; and therefore be not⁠—Cock’s passion, silence! I hear my master. Enter Petruchio and Katharina. Petruchio

Where be these knaves? What, no man at door
To hold my stirrup nor to take my horse!
Where is Nathaniel, Gregory, Philip?

All Serving-men Here, here, sir; here, sir. Petruchio

Here, sir! here, sir! here, sir! here, sir!
You logger-headed and unpolish’d grooms!
What, no attendance? no regard? no duty?
Where is the foolish knave I sent before?

Grumio Here, sir; as foolish as I was before. Petruchio

You peasant swain! you whoreson malt-horse drudge!
Did I not bid thee meet me in the park,
And bring along these rascal knaves with thee?

Grumio

Nathaniel’s coat, sir, was not fully made,
And Gabriel’s pumps were all unpink’d i’ the heel;
There was no link to colour Peter’s hat,
And Walter’s dagger was not come from sheathing:
There were none fine but Adam, Ralph, and Gregory;
The rest were ragged, old, and beggarly;
Yet, as they are, here are they come to meet you.

Petruchio

Go, rascals, go, and fetch my supper in. Exeunt Servants.

Singing. Where is the life that late I led⁠—

Where are those⁠—Sit down, Kate, and welcome.⁠—
Soud, soud, soud, soud!

Re-enter Servants with supper.

Why, when, I say? Nay, good sweet Kate, be merry.
Off with my boots, you rogues! you villains, when?

Sings. It was the friar of orders grey,
As he forth walked on his way:⁠—

Out, you rogue! you pluck my foot awry:
Take that, and mend the plucking off the other. Strikes him.
Be merry, Kate. Some water, here; what, ho!
Where’s my spaniel Troilus? Sirrah, get you hence,
And bid my cousin Ferdinand come hither:
One, Kate, that you must kiss, and be acquainted with.
Where are my slippers? Shall I have some water?

Enter one with water.

Come, Kate, and wash, and welcome heartily.
You whoreson villain! will you let it fall? Strikes him.

Katharina Patience, I pray you; ’twas a fault unwilling. Petruchio

A whoreson beetle-headed, flap-ear’d knave!
Come, Kate, sit down; I know you have a stomach.
Will you give thanks, sweet Kate; or else shall I?
What’s this? mutton?

First Servant Ay. Petruchio Who brought it? Peter I. Petruchio

’Tis burnt; and so is all the meat.
What dogs are these! Where is the rascal cook?
How durst you, villains, bring it from the dresser,
And serve it thus to me that love it not?
Theretake it to you, trenchers, cups, and all: Throws the meat, etc. about the stage.
You heedless joltheads and unmanner’d slaves!
What, do you grumble? I’ll be with you straight.

Katharina

I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet:
The meat was well, if you were so contented.

Petruchio

I tell thee, Kate, ’twas burnt and dried away;
And I expressly am forbid to touch it,
For it engenders choler, planteth anger;
And better ’twere that both of us did fast,
Since, of ourselves, ourselves are choleric,
Than feed it with such over-roasted flesh.
Be patient; to-morrow ’t shall be mended,
And, for this night, we’ll fast for company:
Come, I will bring thee to thy bridal chamber. Exeunt.

Re-enter Servants severally. Nathaniel Peter, didst ever see the like? Peter He kills her in her own humour. Re-enter Curtis. Grumio Where is he? Curtis

In her chamber, making a sermon of continency to her;
And rails, and swears, and rates, that she, poor soul,
Knows not which way to stand, to look, to speak,
And sits as one new-risen from a dream.
Away, away! for he is coming hither. Exeunt.

Re-enter Petruchio. Petruchio

Thus have I politicly begun my reign,
And ’tis my hope to end successfully.
My falcon now is sharp and passing empty;
And till she stoop she must not be full-gorged,
For then