The Country Wife

had for her at first sight in the playhouse. Mrs. Pinchwife But did you love her indeed, and indeed? Pinchwife Aside. So, so.⁠—Aloud. Away, I say. Horner Nay, stay.⁠—Yes, indeed, and indeed, pray do you tell her so, and give her this kiss from me. Kisses her. Pinchwife Aside. O Heavens! what do I suffer? Now ’tis too plain he knows her, and yet⁠— Horner And this, and this⁠—Kisses her again. Mrs. Pinchwife What do you kiss me for? I am no woman. Pinchwife Aside. So, there, ’tis out.⁠—Aloud. Come, I cannot, nor will stay any longer. Horner Nay, they shall send your lady a kiss too. Here, Harcourt, Dorilant, will you not? They kiss her. Pinchwife Aside. How! do I suffer this? Was I not accusing another just now for this rascally patience, in permitting his wife to be kissed before his face? Ten thousand ulcers gnaw away their lips.⁠—Aloud. Come, come. Horner Good night, dear little gentleman; madam, good night: farewell, Pinchwife.⁠—Apart to Harcourt and Dorilant. Did not I tell you I would raise his jealous gall? Exeunt Horner, Harcourt and Dorilant. Pinchwife So, they are gone at last; stay, let me see first if the coach be at this door. Exit. Re-enter Horner, Harcourt, and Dorilant. Horner What, not gone yet? Will you be sure to do as I desired you, sweet sir? Mrs. Pinchwife Sweet sir, but what will you give me then? Horner Anything. Come away into the next walk. Exit, haling away Mrs. Pinchwife. Alithea Hold! hold! what d’ye do? Lucy Stay, stay, hold⁠— Harcourt Hold, madam, hold, let him present him⁠—he’ll come presently; nay, I will never let you go till you answer my question. Lucy For God’s sake, sir, I must follow ’em. Alithea and Lucy, struggling with Harcourt and Dorilant. Dorilant No, I have something to present you with too, you shan’t follow them. Re-enter Pinchwife. Pinchwife Where?⁠—how⁠—what’s become of?⁠—gone!⁠—whither? Lucy He’s only gone with the gentleman, who will give him something, an’t please your worship. Pinchwife Something!⁠—give him something, with a pox!⁠—where are they? Alithea In the next walk only, brother. Pinchwife Only, only! where, where? Exit and returns presently, then goes out again. Harcourt What’s the matter with him? why so much concerned? But, dearest madam⁠— Alithea Pray let me go, sir; I have said and suffered enough already. Harcourt Then you will not look upon, nor pity, my sufferings? Alithea To look upon ’em, when I cannot help ’em, were cruelty, not pity; therefore, I will never see you more. Harcourt Let me then, madam, have my privilege of a banished lover, complaining or railing, and giving you but a farewell reason why, if you cannot condescend to marry me, you should not take that wretch, my rival. Alithea He only, not you, since my honour is engaged so far to him, can give me a reason why I should not marry him; but if he be true, and what I think him to me, I must be so to him. Your servant, sir. Harcourt Have women only constancy when ’tis a vice, and are, like Fortune, only true to fools? Dorilant Thou sha’t not stir, thou robust creature; you see I can deal with you, therefore you should stay the rather, and be kind. To Lucy, who struggles to get from him. Re-enter Pinchwife. Pinchwife Gone, gone, not to be found! quite gone! ten thousand plagues go with ’em! Which way went they? Alithea But into t’other walk, brother. Lucy Their business will be done presently sure, an’t please your worship; it can’t be long in doing, I’m sure on’t. Alithea Are they not there? Pinchwife No, you know where they are, you infamous wretch, eternal shame of your family, which you do not dishonour enough yourself you think, but you must help her to do it too, thou legion of bawds! Alithea Good brother⁠— Pinchwife Damned, damned sister! Alithea Look you here, she’s coming. Re-enter Mrs. Pinchwife running, with her hat full of oranges and dried fruit under her arm, Horner following. Mrs. Pinchwife O dear bud, look you here what I have got, see! Pinchwife And what I have got here too, which you can’t see! Aside, rubbing his forehead. Mrs. Pinchwife The fine gentleman has given me better things yet. Pinchwife Has he so?⁠—Aside. Out of breath and coloured!⁠—I must hold yet. Horner I have only given your little brother an orange, sir. Pinchwife To Horner. Thank you, sir.⁠—Aside. You have only squeezed my orange, I suppose, and given it me again; yet I must have a city patience.⁠—To his Wife. Come, come away. Mrs. Pinchwife Stay, till I have put up my fine things, bud. Enter Sir Jasper Fidget. Sir Jasper O, Master Horner, come, come, the ladies stay for you; your mistress, my wife, wonders you make not more haste to her. Horner I have stayed this half hour for you here, and ’tis your fault I am not now with your wife. Sir Jasper But, pray, don’t let her know so much; the truth on’t is, I was advancing a certain project to his majesty about⁠—I’ll tell you. Horner No, let’s go, and hear it at your house. Good night, sweet little gentleman; one kiss more, you’ll remember me now, I hope. Kisses her. Dorilant What, Sir Jasper, will you separate friends? He promised to sup with us, and if you take him to your house, you’ll be in danger of our company too. Sir Jasper Alas! gentlemen, my house is not fit for you; there are none but civil women there, which are not for your turn. He, you know, can bear with the society of civil women now, ha! ha! ha! besides, he’s one of my family⁠—he’s⁠—he! he! he! Dorilant What is he? Sir Jasper Faith, my eunuch, since you’ll have it; he! he! he! Exeunt Sir Jasper Fidget and Horner. Dorilant I rather wish thou wert his or my cuckold. Harcourt, what a good cuckold is lost there for want of a man to make him one? Thee and I cannot have Horner’s privilege, who can make use of it.