Tartuffe

be counselled.
I’m overjoyed. You needn’t try to tell me
I must give up the pleasure of revenge.
I’ll make an end of this affair at once;
And, to content me, here’s my father now.

Scene V

	Orgon, Elmire, Damis, Tartuffe.
Damis	Father, we’ve news to welcome your arrival, That’s altogether novel, and surprising. You are well paid for your caressing care, And this fine gentleman rewards your love Most handsomely, with zeal that seeks no less Than your dishonour, as has now been proven. I’ve just surprised him making to your wife The shameful offer of a guilty love. She, somewhat over gentle and discreet, Insisted that the thing should be concealed; But I will not condone such shamelessness, Nor so far wrong you as to keep it secret.
Elmire	Yes, I believe a wife should never trouble Her husband’s peace of mind with such vain gossip; A woman’s honour does not hang on telling; It is enough if she defend herself; Or so I think; Damis, you’d not have spoken, If you would but have heeded my advice.

Scene VI

	Orgon, Damis, Tartuffe.
Orgon	Just Heaven! Can what I hear be credited?
Tartuffe	Yes, brother, I am wicked, I am guilty, A miserable sinner, steeped in evil, The greatest criminal that ever lived. Each moment of my life is stained with soilures; And all is but a mass of crime and filth; Heaven, for my punishment, I see it plainly, Would mortify me now. Whatever wrong They find to charge me with, I’ll not deny it But guard against the pride of self-defence. Believe their stories, arm your wrath against me, And drive me like a villain from your house; I cannot have so great a share of shame But what I have deserved a greater still.
Orgon	To his son. You miscreant, can you dare, with such a falsehood, To try to stain the whiteness of his virtue?
Damis	What! The feigned meekness of this hypocrite Makes you discredit⁠ ⁠…
Orgon	Silence, cursed plague!
Tartuffe	Ah! Let him speak; you chide him wrongfully; You’d do far better to believe his tales. Why favour me so much in such a matter? How can you know of what I’m capable? And should you trust my outward semblance, brother, Or judge therefrom that I’m the better man? No, no; you let appearances deceive you; I’m anything but what I’m thought to be, Alas! and though all men believe me godly, The simple truth is, I’m a worthless creature.
	To Damis. Yes, my dear son, say on, and call me traitor, Abandoned scoundrel, thief, and murderer; Heap on me names yet more detestable, And I shall not gainsay you; I’ve deserved them; I’ll bear this ignominy on my knees, To expiate in shame the crimes I’ve done.
Orgon	To Tartuffe. Ah, brother, ’tis too much!
	To his son. You’ll not relent, You blackguard?
Damis	What! His talk can so deceive you⁠ ⁠…
Orgon	Silence, you scoundrel!
	To Tartuffe. Brother, rise, I beg you.
	To his son. Infamous villain!
Damis	Can he⁠ ⁠…
Orgon	Silence!
Damis	What⁠ ⁠…
Orgon	Another word, I’ll break your every bone.
Tartuffe	Brother, in God’s name, don’t be angry with him! I’d rather bear myself the bitterest torture Than have him get a scratch on my account.
Orgon	To his son. Ungrateful monster!
Tartuffe	Stop. Upon my knees I beg you pardon him⁠ ⁠…
Orgon	Throwing himself on his knees too, and embracing Tartuffe. Alas! How can you?
	To his son. Villain! Behold his goodness!
Damis	So⁠ ⁠…
Orgon	Be still.
Damis	What! I⁠ ⁠…
Orgon	Be still, I say. I know your motives For this attack. You hate him, all of you; Wife, children, servants, all let loose upon him, You have recourse to every shameful trick To drive this godly man out of my house; The more you strive to rid yourselves of him, The more I’ll strive to make him stay with me; I’ll have him straightway married to my daughter, Just to confound the pride of all of you.
Damis	What! Will you force her to accept his hand?
Orgon	Yes, and this very evening, to enrage you, Young rascal! Ah! I’ll brave you all, and show you That I’m the master, and must be obeyed. Now, down upon your knees this instant, rogue, And take back what you said, and ask his pardon.
Damis	Who? I? Ask pardon of that cheating scoundrel⁠ ⁠… ?
Orgon	Do you resist, you beggar, and insult him? A cudgel, here! a cudgel!
	To Tartuffe. Don’t restrain me.
	To his son. Off with you! Leave my house this instant, sirrah, And never dare set foot in it again.
Damis	Yes, I will leave your house, but⁠ ⁠…
Orgon	Leave it quickly. You reprobate, I disinherit you, And give you, too, my curse into the bargain.

Scene VII

	Orgon, Tartuffe.
Orgon	What! So insult a saintly man of God!
Tartuffe	Heaven, forgive him all the pain he gives me!4
	To Orgon. Could you but know with what distress I see Them try to vilify me to my brother!
Orgon	Ah!
Tartuffe	The mere thought of such ingratitude Makes my soul suffer torture, bitterly⁠ ⁠… My horror at it⁠ ⁠… Ah! my heart’s so full I cannot speak⁠ ⁠… I think I’ll die of it.
Orgon	In tears, running to the door through which he drove away his son. Scoundrel! I wish I’d never let you go, But slain you on the spot with my own hand.
	To Tartuffe. Brother, compose yourself, and don’t be angry.
Tartuffe	Nay, brother, let us end these painful quarrels. I see what troublous times I bring upon you, And think ’tis needful that I leave this house.
Orgon	What! You can’t mean it?
Tartuffe	Yes, they hate me here, And try, I find, to make you doubt my faith.
Orgon	What of it? Do you find I listen to them?
Tartuffe	No doubt they won’t stop there. These same reports You now reject, may some day win a hearing.
Orgon	No, brother, never.
Tartuffe	Ah! my friend, a woman May easily mislead her husband’s mind.
Orgon	No, no.
Tartuffe	So let me quickly go away And thus remove all cause for such attacks.
Orgon	No, you shall stay; my life depends upon it.
Tartuffe	Then