Tartuffe

a speech? Madame Pernelle

There are strange goings-on about your house,
And everybody knows your people hate him.

Orgon

What’s that to do with what I tell you now?

Madame Pernelle

I always said, my son, when you were little:
That virtue here below is hated ever;
The envious may die, but envy never.

Orgon

What’s that fine speech to do with present facts?

Madame Pernelle

Be sure, they’ve forged a hundred silly lies⁠ ⁠…

Orgon

I’ve told you once, I saw it all myself.

Madame Pernelle

For slanderers abound in calumnies⁠ ⁠…

Orgon

Mother, you’d make me damn my soul. I tell you
I saw with my own eyes his shamelessness.

Madame Pernelle

Their tongues for spitting venom never lack,
There’s nothing here below they’ll not attack.

Orgon

Your speech has not a single grain of sense.
I saw it, harkee, saw it, with these eyes
I saw⁠—d’ye know what saw means?⁠—must I say it
A hundred times, and din it in your ears?

Madame Pernelle

My dear, appearances are oft deceiving,
And seeing shouldn’t always be believing.

Orgon

I’ll go mad.

Madame Pernelle

False suspicions may delude,
And good to evil oft is misconstrued.

Orgon

Must I construe as Christian charity
The wish to kiss my wife!

Madame Pernelle

You must, at least,
Have just foundation for accusing people,
And wait until you see a thing for sure.

Orgon

The devil! How could I see any surer?
Should I have waited till, before my eyes,
He⁠ ⁠… No, you’ll make me say things quite improper.

Madame Pernelle

In short, ’tis known too pure a zeal inflames him;
And so, I cannot possibly conceive
That he should try to do what’s charged against him.

Orgon

If you were not my mother, I should say
Such things!⁠ ⁠… I know not what, I’m so enraged!

Dorine

To Orgon. Fortune has paid you fair, to be so doubted;
You flouted our report, now yours is flouted.

Cléante

We’re wasting time here in the merest trifling,
Which we should rather use in taking measures
To guard ourselves against the scoundrel’s threats.

Damis

You think his impudence could go far?

Elmire

For one, I can’t believe it possible;
Why, his ingratitude would be too patent.

Cléante

Don’t trust to that; he’ll find abundant warrant
To give good colour to his acts against you;
And for less cause than this, a strong cabal
Can make one’s life a labyrinth of troubles.
I tell you once again: armed as he is
You never should have pushed him quite so far.

Orgon

True; yet what could I do? The rascal’s pride
Made me lose all control of my resentment.

Cléante

I wish with all my heart that some pretence
Of peace could be patched up between you two

Elmire

If I had known what weapons he was armed with,
I never should have raised such an alarm,
And my⁠ ⁠…

Orgon

To Dorine, seeing Mr. Loyal come in.

Who’s coming now? Go quick, find out.
I’m in a fine state to receive a visit!

Scene IV

	Orgon, Madame Pernelle, Elmire, Mariane, Cléante, Damis, Dorine, Mr. Loyal.
Mr. Loyal	To Dorine, at the back of the stage. Good day, good sister. Pray you, let me see The master of the house.
Dorine	He’s occupied; I think he can see nobody at present.
Mr. Loyal	I’m not by way of being unwelcome here. My coming can, I think, nowise displease him; My errand will be found to his advantage.
Dorine	Your name, then?
Mr. Loyal	Tell him simply that his friend Mr. Tartuffe has sent me, for his goods⁠ ⁠…
Dorine	To Orgon. It is a man who comes, with civil manners, Sent by Tartuffe, he says, upon an errand That you’ll be pleased with.
Cléante	To Orgon. Surely you must see him, And find out who he is, and what he wants.
Orgon	To Cléante. Perhaps he’s come to make it up between us: How shall I treat him?
Cléante	You must not get angry; And if he talks of reconciliation Accept it.
Mr. Loyal	To Orgon. Sir, good day. And Heaven send Harm to your enemies, favour to you.
Orgon	Aside to Cléante. This mild beginning suits with my conjectures And promises some compromise already.
Mr. Loyal	All of your house has long been dear to me; I had the honour, sir, to serve your father.
Orgon	Sir, I am much ashamed, and ask your pardon For not recalling now your face or name.
Mr. Loyal	My name is Loyal. I’m from Normandy. My office is court-bailiff, in despite Of envy; and for forty years, thank Heaven, It’s been my fortune to perform that office With honour. So I’ve come, sir, by your leave To render service of a certain writ⁠ ⁠…
Orgon	What, you are here to⁠ ⁠…
Mr. Loyal	Pray, sir, don’t be angry. ’Tis nothing, sir, but just a little summons:⁠— Order to vacate, you and yours, this house, Move out your furniture, make room for others, And that without delay or putting off, As needs must be⁠ ⁠…
Orgon	I? Leave this house?
Mr. Loyal	Yes, please, sir The house is now, as you well know, of course, Mr. Tartuffe’s. And he, beyond dispute, Of all your goods is henceforth lord and master By virtue of a contract here attached, Drawn in due form, and unassailable.
Damis	To Mr. Loyal. Your insolence is monstrous, and astounding!
Mr. Loyal	To Damis. I have no business, sir, that touches you;
	Pointing to Orgon. This is the gentleman. He’s fair and courteous, And knows too well a gentleman’s behaviour To wish in any wise to question justice.
Orgon	But⁠ ⁠…
Mr. Loyal	Sir, I know you would not for a million Wish to rebel; like a good citizen You’ll let me put in force the court’s decree.
Damis	Your long black gown may well, before you know it, Mister Court-bailiff, get a thorough beating.
Mr. Loyal	To Orgon. Sir, make your son be silent or withdraw. I should be loath to have to set things down, And see your names inscribed in my report.
Dorine	Aside. This Mr. Loyal’s looks are most disloyal.
Mr. Loyal	I have much feeling for respectable And honest folk like you, sir, and consented To serve these papers, only to oblige you, And thus prevent the choice of any other Who, less possessed of zeal for you