An Ideal Husband

delight they would have in dragging you down, of the mud and mire they would plunge you in. Think of the hypocrite with his greasy smile penning his leading article, and arranging the foulness of the public placard. Sir Robert Chiltern Stop! You want me to withdraw the report and to make a short speech stating that I believe there are possibilities in the scheme? Mrs. Cheveley Sitting down on the sofa. Those are my terms. Sir Robert Chiltern In a low voice. I will give you any sum of money you want. Mrs. Cheveley Even you are not rich enough, Sir Robert, to buy back your past. No man is. Sir Robert Chiltern I will not do what you ask me. I will not. Mrs. Cheveley You have to. If you don’t⁠ ⁠… Rises from the sofa. Sir Robert Chiltern Bewildered and unnerved. Wait a moment! What did you propose? You said that you would give me back my letter, didn’t you? Mrs. Cheveley Yes. That is agreed. I will be in the Ladies’ Gallery tomorrow night at half-past eleven. If by that time⁠—and you will have had heaps of opportunity⁠—you have made an announcement to the House in the terms I wish, I shall hand you back your letter with the prettiest thanks, and the best, or at any rate the most suitable, compliment I can think of. I intend to play quite fairly with you. One should always play fairly⁠ ⁠… when one has the winning cards. The Baron taught me that⁠ ⁠… amongst other things. Sir Robert Chiltern You must let me have time to consider your proposal. Mrs. Cheveley No; you must settle now! Sir Robert Chiltern Give me a week⁠—three days! Mrs. Cheveley Impossible! I have got to telegraph to Vienna tonight. Sir Robert Chiltern My God! what brought you into my life? Mrs. Cheveley Circumstances. Moves towards the door. Sir Robert Chiltern Don’t go. I consent. The report shall be withdrawn. I will arrange for a question to be put to me on the subject. Mrs. Cheveley Thank you. I knew we should come to an amicable agreement. I understood your nature from the first. I analysed you, though you did not adore me. And now you can get my carriage for me, Sir Robert. I see the people coming up from supper, and Englishmen always get romantic after a meal, and that bores me dreadfully. Exit Sir Robert Chiltern. Enter Guests, Lady Chiltern, Lady Markby, Lord Caversham, Lady Basildon, Mrs. Marchmont, Vicomte de Nanjac, Mr. Montford. Lady Markby Well, dear Mrs. Cheveley, I hope you have enjoyed yourself. Sir Robert is very entertaining, is he not? Mrs. Cheveley Most entertaining! I have enjoyed my talk with him immensely. Lady Markby He has had a very interesting and brilliant career. And he has married a most admirable wife. Lady Chiltern is a woman of the very highest principles, I am glad to say. I am a little too old now, myself, to trouble about setting a good example, but I always admire people who do. And Lady Chiltern has a very ennobling effect on life, though her dinner-parties are rather dull sometimes. But one can’t have everything, can one? And now I must go, dear. Shall I call for you tomorrow? Mrs. Cheveley Thanks. Lady Markby We might drive in the Park at five. Everything looks so fresh in the Park now! Mrs. Cheveley Except the people! Lady Markby Perhaps the people are a little jaded. I have often observed that the Season as it goes on produces a kind of softening of the brain. However, I think anything is better than high intellectual pressure. That is the most unbecoming thing there is. It makes the noses of the young girls so particularly large. And there is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose; men don’t like them. Good night, dear! To Lady Chiltern. Good night, Gertrude! Goes out on Lord Caversham’s arm. Mrs. Cheveley What a charming house you have, Lady Chiltern! I have spent a delightful evening. It has been so interesting getting to know your husband. Lady Chiltern Why did you wish to meet my husband, Mrs. Cheveley? Mrs. Cheveley Oh, I will tell you. I wanted to interest him in this Argentine Canal scheme, of which I dare say you have heard. And I found him most susceptible⁠—susceptible to reason, I mean. A rare thing in a man. I converted him in ten minutes. He is going to make a speech in the House tomorrow night in favour of the idea. We must go to the Ladies’ Gallery and hear him! It will be a great occasion! Lady Chiltern There must be some mistake. That scheme could never have my husband’s support. Mrs. Cheveley Oh, I assure you it’s all settled. I don’t regret my tedious journey from Vienna now. It has been a great success. But, of course, for the next twenty-four hours the whole thing is a dead secret. Lady Chiltern Gently. A secret? Between whom? Mrs. Cheveley With a flash of amusement in her eyes. Between your husband and myself. Sir Robert Chiltern Entering. Your carriage is here, Mrs. Cheveley! Mrs. Cheveley Thanks! Good evening, Lady Chiltern! Good night, Lord Goring! I am at Claridge’s. Don’t you think you might leave a card? Lord Goring If you wish it, Mrs. Cheveley! Mrs. Cheveley Oh, don’t be so solemn about it, or I shall be obliged to leave a card on you. In England I suppose that would hardly be considered en règle. Abroad, we are more civilised. Will you see me down, Sir Robert? Now that we have both the same interests at heart we shall be great friends, I hope! Sails out on Sir Robert Chiltern’s arm. Lady Chiltern goes to the top of the staircase and looks down at them as they descend. Her expression is troubled. After a little time she is joined by some of the guests, and passes with them into another reception room. Mabel Chiltern What a horrid woman! Lord Goring You should go to bed, Miss Mabel. Mabel Chiltern Lord Goring! Lord Goring My father told me to go to bed an hour ago. I don’t