The School for Scandal

epub:type="z3998:persona">Sir Oliver Aside. How like his father the dog is!⁠—Aloud. Well, well, I have done. — Aside. I did not perceive it before, but I think I never saw such a striking resemblance. — Aloud. Here is a draft for your sum. Charles Surface Why, ’tis for eight hundred pounds! Sir Oliver You will not let Sir Oliver go? Charles Surface Zounds! no! I tell you once more. Sir Oliver Then never mind the difference, we’ll balance that another time. — But give me your hand on the bargain; you are an honest fellow, Charles⁠—I beg pardon, sir, for being so free. — Come, Moses. Charles Surface Egad, this is a whimsical old fellow!⁠—But hark’ee, Premium, you’ll prepare lodgings for these gentlemen. Sir Oliver Yes, yes, I’ll send for them in a day or two. Charles Surface But hold; do now send a genteel conveyance for them, for, I assure you, they were most of them used to ride in their own carriages. Sir Oliver I will, I will⁠—for all but Oliver. Charles Surface Ay, all but the little nabob. Sir Oliver You’re fixed on that? Charles Surface Peremptorily. Sir Oliver Aside. A dear extravagant rogue!⁠—Aloud. Good day!⁠—Come, Moses. — Aside. Let me hear now who dares call him profligate! Exit with Moses. Careless Why, this is the oddest genius of the sort I ever met with! Charles Surface Egad, he’s the prince of brokers, I think. I wonder how the devil Moses got acquainted with so honest a fellow. — Ha! here’s Rowley. — Do, Careless, say I’ll join the company in a few moments. Careless I will⁠—but don’t let that old blockhead persuade you to squander any of that money on old musty debts, or any such nonsense; for tradesmen, Charles, are the most exorbitant fellows. Charles Surface Very true, and paying them is only encouraging them. Careless Nothing else. Charles Surface Ay, ay, never fear. — Exit Careless. So! this was an odd old fellow, indeed. — Let me see, two-thirds of this is mine by right, five hundred and thirty odd pounds. ’Fore Heaven! I find one’s ancestors are more valuable relations than I took them for!⁠—Ladies and gentlemen, your most obedient and very grateful servant.⁠—Bows ceremoniously to the pictures. Enter Rowley. Ha! old Rowley! egad, you are just come in time to take leave of your old acquaintance. Rowley Yes, I heard they were a-going. But I wonder you can have such spirits under so many distresses. Charles Surface Why, there’s the point! my distresses are so many, that I can’t afford to part with my spirits; but I shall be rich and splenetic, all in good time. However, I suppose you are surprised that I am not more sorrowful at parting with so many near relations: to be sure, ’tis very affecting, but you see they never move a muscle, so why should I? Rowley There’s no making you serious a moment. Charles Surface Yes, faith, I am so now. Here, my honest Rowley, here, get me this changed directly, and take a hundred pounds of it immediately to old Stanley. Rowley A hundred pounds. Consider only⁠— Charles Surface Gad’s life, don’t talk about it! poor Stanley’s wants are pressing, and, if you don’t make haste, we shall have someone call that has a better right to the money. Rowley Ah! there’s the point! I never will cease dunning you with the old proverb⁠— Charles Surface Be just before you’re generous.19⁠—Why, so I would if I could; but Justice is an old, hobbling beldame, and I can’t get her to keep pace with Generosity, for the soul of me. Rowley Yet, Charles, believe me, one hour’s reflection⁠— Charles Surface Ay, ay, it’s very true; but, hark’ee, Rowley, while I have, by Heaven I’ll give: so, damn your economy! and now for hazard. Exeunt.

Scene II

Another room in the same.

	Enter Sir Oliver Surface and Moses.
Moses	Well, sir, I think, as Sir Peter said, you have seen Mr. Charles in high glory; ’tis great pity he’s so extravagant.
Sir Oliver	True, but he would not sell my picture.
Moses	And loves wine and women so much.
Sir Oliver	But he would not sell my picture.
Moses	And game so deep.
Sir Oliver	But he would not sell my picture. Oh, here’s Rowley.
	Enter Rowley.
Rowley	So, Sir Oliver, I find you have made a purchase⁠—
Sir Oliver	Yes, yes, our young rake has parted with his ancestors like old tapestry.
Rowley	And here has he commissioned me to redeliver you part of the purchase-money⁠—I mean, though, in your necessitous character of old Stanley.
Moses	Ah! there is the pity of all! he is so damned charitable.
Rowley	And I left a hosier and two tailors in the hall, who, I’m sure, won’t be paid, and this hundred would satisfy them.
Sir Oliver	Well, well, I’ll pay his debts and his benevolence too. But now I am no more a broker, and you shall introduce me to the elder brother as old Stanley.
Rowley	Not yet awhile; Sir Peter, I know, means to call there about this time.
	Enter Trip.
Trip	Oh, gentlemen, I beg pardon for not showing you out: this way⁠—Moses, a word.
	Exit with Moses.
Sir Oliver	There’s a fellow for you! Would you believe it, that puppy intercepted the Jew on our coming, and wanted to raise money before he got to his master!
Rowley	Indeed!
Sir Oliver	Yes, they are now planning an annuity business. Ah, Master Rowley, in my days servants were content with me follies of their masters, when I they were worn a little threadbare; but now they I have their vices, like their birthday clothes, with the gloss on.
	Exeunt.

Scene III

A library in Joseph Surface’s house.

	Enter Joseph Surface and Servant.
Joseph Surface	No letter from Lady Teazle?
Servant	No, sir.
Joseph Surface	Aside. I am surprised she has not sent, if she is prevented from coming. Sir Peter certainly does not suspect me. Yet I wish I may not lose the heiress through the scrape I have drawn myself into with the wife: however, Charles’s imprudence and