Much Ado About Nothing

send for him; and question him yourself. Leonato No, no; we will hold it as a dream till it appear itself: but I will acquaint my daughter withal, that she may be the better prepared for an answer, if peradventure this be true. Go you and tell her of it. Enter attendants. Cousins, you know what you have to do. O, I cry you mercy, friend; go you with me, and I will use your skill. Good cousin, have a care this busy time. Exeunt.

Scene III

The same.

	Enter Don John and Conrade.
Conrade	What the good-year, my lord! why are you thus out of measure sad?
Don John	There is no measure in the occasion that breeds; therefore the sadness is without limit.
Conrade	You should hear reason.
Don John	And when I have heard it, what blessings brings it?
Conrade	If not a present remedy, at least a patient sufferance.
Don John	I wonder that thou, being, as thou sayest thou art, born under Saturn, goest about to apply a moral medicine to a mortifying mischief. I cannot hide what I am: I must be sad when I have cause and smile at no man’s jests, eat when I have stomach and wait for no man’s leisure, sleep when I am drowsy and tend on no man’s business, laugh when I am merry and claw no man in his humour.
Conrade	Yea, but you must not make the full show of this till you may do it without controlment. You have of late stood out against your brother, and he hath ta’en you newly into his grace; where it is impossible you should take true root but by the fair weather that you make yourself: it is needful that you frame the season for your own harvest.
Don John	I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in his grace, and it better fits my blood to be disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob love from any: in this, though I cannot be said to be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied but I am a plain-dealing villain. I am trusted with a muzzle and enfranchised with a clog; therefore I have decreed not to sing in my cage. If I had my mouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would do my liking: in the meantime let me be that I am and seek not to alter me.
Conrade	Can you make no use of your discontent?
Don John	I make all use of it, for I use it only. Who comes here?
	Enter Borachio.
	What news, Borachio?
Borachio	I came yonder from a great supper: the prince your brother is royally entertained by Leonato; and I can give you intelligence of an intended marriage.
Don John	Will it serve for any model to build mischief on? What is he for a fool that betroths himself to unquietness?
Borachio	Marry, it is your brother’s right hand.
Don John	Who? the most exquisite Claudio?
Borachio	Even he.
Don John	A proper squire! And who, and who? which way looks he?
Borachio	Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato.
Don John	A very forward March-chick! How came you to this?
Borachio	Being entertained for a perfumer, as I was smoking a musty room, comes me the prince and Claudio, hand in hand, in sad conference: I whipt me behind the arras; and there heard it agreed upon that the prince should woo Hero for himself, and having obtained her, give her to Count Claudio.
Don John	Come, come, let us thither: this may prove food to my displeasure. That young start-up hath all the glory of my overthrow: if I can cross him any way, I bless myself every way. You are both sure, and will assist me?
Conrade	To the death, my lord.
Don John	Let us to the great supper: their cheer is the greater that I am subdued. Would the cook were of my mind! Shall we go to prove what’s to be done?
Borachio	We’ll wait upon your Lordship. Exeunt.

Act II

Scene I

A hall in Leonato’s house.

	Enter Leonato, Antonio, Hero, Beatrice, and others.
Leonato	Was not Count John here at supper?
Antonio	I saw him not.
Beatrice	How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see him but I am heart-burned an hour after.
Hero	He is of a very melancholy disposition.
Beatrice	He were an excellent man that were made just in the midway between him and Benedick: the one is too like an image and says nothing, and the other too like my lady’s eldest son, evermore tattling.
Leonato	Then half Signior Benedick’s tongue in Count John’s mouth, and half Count John’s melancholy in Signior Benedick’s face⁠—
Beatrice	With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and money enough in his purse, such a man would win any woman in the world, if a’ could get her good-will.
Leonato	By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a husband, if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.
Antonio	In faith, she’s too curst.
Beatrice	Too curst is more than curst: I shall lessen God’s sending that way; for it is said, “God sends a curst cow short horns;” but to a cow too curst he sends none.
Leonato	So, by being too curst, God will send you no horns.
Beatrice	Just, if he send me no husband; for the which blessing I am at him upon my knees every morning and evening. Lord, I could not endure a husband with a beard on his face: I had rather lie in the woollen.
Leonato	You may light on a husband that hath no beard.
Beatrice	What should I do with him? dress him in my apparel and make him my waiting gentlewoman? He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man: and he that is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is