The Merry Wives of Windsor

to bring you together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed. Falstaff Come up into my chamber. Exeunt.

Scene VI

Another room in the Garter Inn.

	Enter Fenton and Host.
Host	Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy; I will give over all.
Fenton	Yet hear me speak. Assist me in my purpose, And, as I am a gentleman, I’ll give thee A hundred pound in gold more than your loss.
Host	I will hear you, Master Fenton; and I will, at the least, keep your counsel.
Fenton	From time to time I have acquainted you With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page, Who, mutually, hath answered my affection, So far forth as herself might be her chooser, Even to my wish. I have a letter from her Of such contents as you will wonder at; The mirth whereof so larded with my matter That neither, singly, can be manifested Without the show of both; wherein fat Falstaff Hath a great scare: the image of the jest He peruses the letter. I’ll show you here at large. Hark, good mine host: Tonight at Herne’s oak, just ’twixt twelve and one, Must my sweet Nan present the Fairy Queen; The purpose why is here: in which disguise, While other jests are something rank on foot, Her father hath commanded her to slip Away with Slender, and with him at Eton Immediately to marry; she hath consented: Now, sir, Her mother, even strong against that match And firm for Doctor Caius, hath appointed That he shall likewise shuffle her away, While other sports are tasking of their minds; And at the deanery, where a priest attends, Straight marry her: to this her mother’s plot She seemingly obedient likewise hath Made promise to the doctor. Now thus it rests: Her father means she shall be all in white; And in that habit, when Slender sees his time To take her by the hand and bid her go, She shall go with him: her mother hath intended The better to denote her to the doctor⁠— For they must all be mask’d and vizarded⁠— That quaint in green she shall be loose enrob’d, With ribands pendent, flaring ’bout her head; And when the doctor spies his vantage ripe, To pinch her by the hand: and, on that token, The maid hath given consent to go with him.
Host	Which means she to deceive, father or mother?
Fenton	Both, my good host, to go along with me: And here it rests, that you’ll procure the vicar To stay for me at church, ’twixt twelve and one, And in the lawful name of marrying, To give our hearts united ceremony.
Host	Well, husband your device; I’ll to the vicar. Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest.
Fenton	So shall I evermore be bound to thee; Besides, I’ll make a present recompense.
	Exeunt.

Act V

Scene I

A room in the Garter Inn.

	Enter Falstaff and Mistress Quickly.
Falstaff	Prithee, no more prattling; go: I’ll hold. This is the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd numbers. Away! go. They say there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death. Away!
Mistress Quickly	I’ll provide you a chain, and I’ll do what I can to get you a pair of horns.
Falstaff	Away, I say; time wears; hold up your head, and mince.
	Exit Mistress Quickly.
	Enter Ford.
	How now, Master Brook! Master Brook, the matter will be known tonight, or never. Be you in the Park about midnight, at Herne’s oak, and you shall see wonders.
Ford	Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me you had appointed?
Falstaff	I went to her, Master Brook, as you see, like a poor old man; but I came from her, Master Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave Ford, her husband, hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, Master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell you: he beat me grievously in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of man, Master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver’s beam, because I know also life is a shuttle. I am in haste; go along with me; I’ll tell you all, Master Brook. Donning his coat. Since I plucked geese, played truant, and whipped top, I knew not what ’twas to be beaten till lately. At the door. Follow me: I’ll tell you strange things of this knave Ford, on whom tonight I will be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand. Follow. Strange things in hand, Master Brook! Follow.
	Exeunt.

Scene II

The outskirts of Windsor Park; night.

	Enter Page, Justice Shallow, and Slender, with a lantern.
Page	Come, come; we’ll couch i’ the castle-ditch till we see the light of our fairies. Remember, son Slender, my daughter.
Slender	Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and we have a nay-word how to know one another. I come to her in white and cry “mum”; she cries “budget,” and by that we know one another.
Justice Shallow	That’s good too; but what needs either your “mum” or her “budget”? The white will decipher her well enough. It hath struck ten o’clock.
Page	The night is dark; light and spirits will become it well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns. Let’s away; follow me.
	Exeunt.

Scene III

The street in Windsor.

	Enter Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, and Doctor Caius.
Mistress Page	Master Doctor, my daughter is in green; when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and dispatch it quickly. Go before into the Park; we two must go together.
Doctor Caius	I know vat I have to do; adieu.
Mistress Page	Fare you well, sir.
	Exit Doctor Caius.
	My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff as he will chafe at the doctor’s marrying my daughter; but ’tis no matter; better a little chiding than a great deal of