The Alchemist

the same.

	Enter Subtle, leading in Dapper, with his eyes bound as before.
Subtle	How! You have eaten your gag?
Dapper	Yes faith, it crumbled Away in my mouth.
Subtle	You have spoiled all then.
Dapper	No! I hope my aunt of Fairy will forgive me.
Subtle	Your aunt’s a gracious lady; but in troth You were to blame.
Dapper	The fume did overcome me, And I did do’t to stay my stomach. ’Pray you So satisfy her Grace.
	Enter Face, in his uniform.
	Here comes the Captain.
Face	How now! Is his mouth down?
Subtle	Ay, he has spoken!
Face	A pox, I heard him, and you too.⁠—He’s undone then.⁠— I have been fain to say, the house is haunted With spirits, to keep churl back.
Subtle	And hast thou done it?
Face	Sure, for this night.
Subtle	Why, then triumph and sing Of Face so famous, the precious king Of present wits.
Face	Did you not hear the coil About the door?
Subtle	Yes, and I dwindled with it.
Face	Show him his aunt, and let him be dispatched: I’ll send her to you.
	Exit Face.
Subtle	Well, sir, your aunt her Grace Will give you audience presently, on my suit, And the Captain’s word that you did not eat your gag In any contempt of her Highness.
	Unbinds his eyes.
Dapper	Not I, in troth, sir.
	Enter Dol, like the Queen of Fairy.
Subtle	Here she is come. Down o’ your knees and wriggle: She has a stately presence. Dapper kneels, and shuffles towards her. Good! Yet nearer, And bid, God save you!
Dapper	Madam!
Subtle	And your aunt.
Dapper	And my most gracious aunt, God save your Grace.
Dol Common	Nephew, we thought to have been angry with you; But that sweet face of yours hath turned the tide, And made it flow with joy, that ebbed of love. Arise, and touch our velvet gown.
Subtle	The skirts, And kiss ’em. So!
Dol Common	Let me now stroke that head. “Much, nephew, shalt thou win, much shalt thou spend, Much shalt thou give away, much shalt thou lend.”
Subtle	Aside. Ay, much! Indeed.⁠—Why do you not thank her Grace?
Dapper	I cannot speak for joy.
Subtle	See, the kind wretch! Your Grace’s kinsman right.
Dol Common	Give me the bird. Here is your fly in a purse, about your neck, cousin; Wear it, and feed it about this day sev’n-night, On your right wrist⁠—
Subtle	Open a vein with a pin, And let it suck but once a week; till then, You must not look on’t.
Dol Common	No: and kinsman, Bear yourself worthy of the blood you come on.
Subtle	Her Grace would have you eat no more Woolsack pies, Nor Dagger frumety.
Dol Common	Nor break his fast In Heaven and Hell.
Subtle	She’s with you everywhere! Nor play with costermongers, at mum-chance, tray-trip, God make you rich; (when as your aunt has done it); But keep The gallantest company, and the best games⁠—
Dapper	Yes, sir.
Subtle	Gleek and primero; and what you get, be true to us.
Dapper	By this hand, I will.
Subtle	You may bring’s a thousand pound Before tomorrow night, if but three thousand Be stirring, an you will.
Dapper	I swear I will then.
Subtle	Your fly will learn you all games.
Face	Within. Have you done there?
Subtle	Your Grace will command him no more duties?
Dol Common	No: But come, and see me often. I may chance To leave him three or four hundred chests of treasure, And some twelve thousand acres of Fairyland, If he game well and comely with good gamesters.
Subtle	There’s a kind aunt! Kiss her departing part.⁠— But you must sell your forty mark a year, now.
Dapper	Ay, sir, I mean.
Subtle	Or, give’t away; pox on’t!
Dapper	I’ll give’t mine aunt. I’ll go and fetch the writings.
	Exit.
Subtle	’Tis well⁠—away!
	Re-enter Face.
Face	Where’s Subtle?
Subtle	Here: what news?
Face	Drugger is at the door, go take his suit, And bid him fetch a parson, presently; Say, he shall marry the widow. Thou shalt spend A hundred pound by the service!
	Exit Subtle.
	Now, queen Dol, Have you packed up all?
Dol Common	Yes.
Face	And how do you like The lady Pliant?
Dol Common	A good dull innocent.
	Re-enter Subtle.
Subtle	Here’s your Hieronimo’s cloak and hat.
Face	Give me them.
Subtle	And the ruff too?
Face	Yes; I’ll come to you presently.
	Exit.
Subtle	Now he is gone about his project, Dol, I told you of, for the widow.
Dol Common	’Tis direct Against our articles.
Subtle	Well, we will fit him, wench. Hast thou gulled her of her jewels or her bracelets?
Dol Common	No; but I will do’t.
Subtle	Soon at night, my Dolly, When we are shipped, and all our goods aboard, Eastward for Ratcliff, we will turn our course To Brainford, westward, if thou sayst the word, And take our leaves of this o’er-weening rascal, This peremptory Face.
Dol Common	Content, I’m weary of him.
Subtle	Thou’st cause, when the slave will run a wiving, Dol, Against the instrument that was drawn between us.
Dol Common	I’ll pluck his bird as bare as I can.
Subtle	Yes, tell her, She must by any means address some present To the cunning man, make him amends for wronging His art with her suspicion; send a ring, Or chain of pearl; she will be tortured else Extremely in her sleep, say, and have strange things Come to her. Wilt thou?
Dol Common	Yes.
Subtle	My fine flitter-mouse, My bird o’ the night! We’ll tickle it at the Pigeons, When we have all, and may unlock the trunks, And say, this’s mine, and thine; and thine, and mine.
	They kiss.
	Re-enter Face.
Face	What now! A billing?
Subtle	Yes, a little exalted In the good passage of our stock-affairs.
Face	Drugger has brought his parson; take him in, Subtle, And send Nab back again to wash his face.
Subtle	I will: and shave himself?
	Exit.
Face	If you can get him.
Dol Common	You are hot upon it, Face, whate’er it is!
Face	A trick that Dol shall spend ten pound a month by.
	Re-enter Subtle.
	Is he gone?
Subtle	The chaplain waits you in the hall, sir.
Face	I’ll go bestow him.
	Exit.
Dol Common	He’ll now marry her, instantly.
Subtle	He cannot yet, he is not ready. Dear Dol, Cozen her of all thou canst. To deceive him Is no deceit, but justice,