“But that would’ve been awful. I was able to wake him up, and he cried and told me he was sorry. I don’t know how he made it so long like that, holding all of those memories inside. He told me the story about what happened in his last life, and how he died, and then he fell asleep. Things were better the next morning, and he even apologized to Valandra about being mean to her! I think talking about his past helped. But then...before we went inside for lunch, he hugged me and told me how important I am to him. I think I would’ve stood there forever, if he’d let me. I know that he’s still in love with Amaya, but no matter how many times I tell myself that, it won’t change how I feel. It’s hard, sometimes. Most of the time, actually. But he saved me, and now he needs help. I owe him that much, no matter how hard it is.”
I felt my heartbeat in my throat as I looked up from the diary. “I’m sorry, Lia,” I croaked for what must have been the hundredth time. “I didn’t know how much I was putting you through.” I wiped fresh mist away from my eyes. “You’ve been holding me together longer than I thought, haven’t you?” Without pausing to reflect on the thought, I turned the page and began reading the next entry.
“I don’t think I’ll ever forget the sight of Lux getting knocked into the dirt by Valandra. That fight was something else; they were so fast! And Valandra’s shield...wow. I can see why she’s the best fighter in the country. I didn’t understand how she could fight with just a shield, but I do now. And Lux lost! I know it isn’t exactly fair, fighting against the King’s Shield, and he did win one of the rounds, but still! I think he might have been holding back, but he still lost. I think it’s probably a good thing, though; he didn’t seem mad about it, so I think he’s getting along better with Val now.
“After their fight, Lux went to go hunting and said that I could spar with Val, too! It was so great. I’ve never practiced with anybody else aside from him, so it was fun to fight someone else, especially somebody as different as Val! She was definitely moving slower than her first fight, but she still beat me every time anyways. I hope I can train with her every day. Both of them. Even though we’re going to Attetsia under King Yorrell’s orders, this could still be fun. I just hope—”
The passage ended in a sharp spike of ink, and I felt heat rise in the back of my neck as I remembered the night it was written. The Strategist’s men, and...darkness, again. It’s always there. I watched the black flames ripple across my sword as I lived the memory a second time. She was scared of me. Even then, when I hadn’t been fully consumed by it, she was scared of me. A sad wave of acceptance washed over me. She’ll be like Marin soon: so terrified that she can’t stand to look at me. I can’t blame her. My eyes fell in shame, and I passively read the opposite page of the diary.
“It’s only been a few days, but so many things have changed. We got ambushed at camp while Lux was still gone, and one of the men managed to grab me before I could get my sword. I felt so stupid, getting caught off guard like that. No matter how hard I train, I always seem to end up in the way. And these men always seem to know it, because they come after me every time. Next time, things will be different. They have to be.
“In the end, it didn’t really matter; I’m sure Val could have taken care of things by herself, but Lux showed up a few seconds later. He had that look again. The same one from the night we escaped the dungeon. When the fire started, I knew I had to do something. I managed to calm him down enough to snap him out of whatever was happening, but...I’m scared. Whatever is happening to him, it has something to do with his past lives and all the terrible things that he went through. I’m scared he’s going to hurt himself if we keep going. I just want to fix it for him, but I don’t know how. If I could take the—”
“Why are you reading my diary?”
A sudden wave of comforting warmth washed over me, and I looked up from the book in my lap to find Lia’s amber eyes open, watching me with a mix of amusement and concern. “Lia?” I asked as I clambered to my feet, knocking the journal to the ground. “You’re…” My throat immediately closed and cut off whatever I would have said next, though I couldn’t find any words regardless.
“What’s wrong, Lux?” she asked, tilting her head to one side. “That diary was supposed to be private, so if you read something that upset you, it’s really your own—” Her thought was interrupted as I dove forward and embraced her. Every inch of my body shuddered with relief as I felt her aura surround me once again, and I held her fiercely against my
