I rubbed my face to dismiss whatever look of worry she had seen. “Nothing,” I smiled, slipping the note into my pocket. “I’m glad to hear that Miles and Lyn are doing well. We’ll have to visit them before winter ends.”
A warm presence tingled at the back of my neck, and Lia’s voice spoke softly within my head. It’s about the monsters, isn’t it?
Yes, I answered. It’s not urgent. We’ll talk about it later, after things settle down. I promise. I reached out and took her hands, squeezing them gently. “Now, we’ve got plenty of work to do, right?” She gave me an enthusiastic nod, and we stood up from the table and prepared for the coming preparations.
Elise was true to her word, and the following days were filled with constant meetings about the upcoming ceremony. Lia and I were subject to multiple tasting menus, auditions from musical groups, and relentless questions about interior decorations. Tailors came and went in a whirlwind of measuring tapes and sketchbook pages. While tradition kept me from seeing any of the designs for Lia’s dress, I was always heartened to see her smiling and too bashful to meet my gaze after a fitting session. Elise never returned throughout the planning process, most likely as a way of dodging my complaints that she was doing far too much for us.
Marin continued to avoid me, always choosing to assist Lia in her personal preparations or accompany Marten into town to supervise the various contractors. Lia had attempted to assuage my concern, insisting that Marin just needed more time to process the incident on her own, but each day that passed without a noticeable improvement to her mood strengthened my worries.
When I could no longer stand the silence, I caught her as she attempted to sneak into the kitchen and prepare a quick lunch. For a brief moment, her eyes darted around the room in search of an escape, but as I stood in the only exit to the room, she ended up meeting my gaze. “We...need to talk,” I said, motioning to the front door with my head. Her nostrils flared as she stared me down, but she gave me a nearly imperceptible nod in agreement. After she finished preparing her lunch, she followed me out onto the front lawn, where we sat across from one another in the grass.
A painful silence lingered between us as she ate her sandwich, staring straight into the ground at her feet. I took a deep breath to quell the unease in my gut and released my white-knuckled grip on my leg. “Marin.”
My voice startled her, and she immediately looked up from the remaining crust of her sandwich. “Yes?”
“Talk to me.”
She pursed her lips and stared at me with hard eyes. “About what?”
“Anything you want. Just...talk.”
She nibbled on the remnants of her lunch and pondered the statement. “Congratulations on your engagement,” she murmured eventually.
“Thank you,” I said, bowing my head. “Elise says everything is prepared for the ceremony tomorrow.”
“That’s good,” she answered. The silence returned as she finished her lunch, then folded her hands in her lap. “Can I go now?”
“What? No, Marin, I…” I trailed off, distraught. “I want to fix this. Tell me what I have to do, and I’ll do it.”
She shook her head. “No.”
“No what?”
“No!” she repeated, her voice suddenly a shout. “There’s nothing you can do!”
I felt her anger pierce my chest like a spear. “Why?”
“Because I remember,” she answered bitterly. “Whatever you did out there, it wasn’t magic, or combat enhancements, or any other name you want to give it. It was evil.” Her body shuddered as she stared me down. “I felt it in my chest. When that monster crawled out of the darkness, and when you told me to run. It was the same feeling: this burning rage and despair, all hollow and empty on the inside.” She looked down at her upturned hands and shook her head. “I watched Lia die, and I swear to the Primes, I felt like I died too. But none of that compares to what I felt when you looked at me and told me to run. I never want to feel like that again.”
I closed my eyes and accepted the pain her words inflicted on me. “I’m sorry, Marin. I promise I’ll never make you feel like that again. I swear it on my life.”
“I don’t want an apology, Lux, and I don’t want promises,” she responded. “I want things to be normal again. It’s all I want. But when I look at you, I feel that evil again, burrowing down into my soul. I can’t forget it.” Her eyes fell, and she let out a ragged breath. “You can’t just ‘sorry’ it away. It doesn’t matter if you never do it again; you already did it.”
I swallowed against the hard lump that threatened to close my throat. “I see.”
“Listen, Lux, I don’t want it to be this way,” she said as she climbed to her feet. “Maybe, someday, it won’t be.” She turned to go, looking back over her shoulder with a final, sad glance. “But for now...this is how it is.” Unable to respond, I gave her a small nod of acknowledgement, and she returned to the house, leaving me alone in the yard.
I wanted to feel sad, or angry, or even regretful, but I found myself feeling almost nothing at all. I did what I had to do to save Lia, and I’ll never regret it. But Marin’s right, too. Nobody should have to come that close to the void. I rubbed my eyes and let out a low growl, clearing the irritation from my throat.
How did it go? I hadn’t filled Lia in on my plan to talk to Marin, but she had clearly watched the exchange through her Detection.
You were right; she just needs time. I brushed myself off and made my way back
