I chuckled bitterly. “That’s mighty big of you, Charlie boy, but—”
“I really don’t need to hear about this right now, Esmer.” He had a painful-looking smile on his face but there was a warning in his voice. He was trying to be nice about his request, trying to hide just how much this bothered him. But I saw the tension in the muscles tightening his shirt around his arms. His hands dug into the bedspread; his knuckles looked paler than usual.
I sighed. “I don’t wanna talk about this either, but it feels like we’re getting serious. I think you need to know that I’m—” I lost my nerve. I turned away from him, hugging my knees against my chest. I bit down hard on my lip. Focused on breathing.
“I already have enough of an inferiority complex without you bringing up your sexcapades with your ex.”
I felt the sting of his words like a finger caught in a car door. I flinched away from him, mouth popping open.
He glared out the window. “If this is your way of telling me you expect certain things from me—”
“No!” I snapped. “I’m trying to tell you I’m seriously fucked up because of that asshole. Do you think it’s easy for me to admit I gave into his demands, that I was too afraid to say ‘no’?”
Charlie bowed his head. “I’m sorry.”
“Goddammit.” I used both hands to wipe the tears from my face. Anger and shame and hurt were three splinters traveling steadily through my veins, sinking into my heart.
How did this happen? A second ago, I was ready to tear his clothes off. Now I couldn’t even look at him.
“You don’t wanna hear about it? Fine. Just get out of here.” My voice wavered.
Charlie finally looked at me, regret and pain twisting his features. “Esmer—”
“Get out!” I threw the pillow at him, fell back into the mattress, and curled up with my back to him.
A part of me hoped he’d stay. I needed him to hold me right now, to tell me it didn’t matter, he still wanted me, and everything would be all right. Instead, he did exactly as I asked. He scooped up his shoes and padded across the room. The door creaked softly as it shut behind him.
Chapter 34
Jasmine
Charlie was up at three in the morning. I heard him pacing around his workstation. Opening drawers, moving tools around, and piling things over his desk, like he was taking inventory of his supplies. I sat up to check the time and groaned, sending angry telepathic messages his way. He was still in his holey T-shirt and sweatpants, sporting a hairdo that would make a whirlwind proud.
Finally, he glanced at me. “Sorry,” he muttered and then kept doing what he was doing. Albeit a little more carefully.
I dropped over my pillow and went back to sleep.
The next time I woke up, it was four twenty-two. My brother sat cross-legged in front of our entertainment center, rifling through the drawer that housed all of his video games.
“Seriously?”
He cringed and then slowly looked over his shoulder at me. “Sorry.”
I rolled over, pulling half of my pillow over my exposed ear. Somehow, I managed to drift back to sleep. Only to be woken up again at six fifty-six. This time Charlie was staring desolately into space while crunching on a piece of toast, which sounded like it was made out of wood chips. I was tempted to scream at him. It was Saturday!
But the shadows under his eyes and the hopeless look on his face stole away the bulk of my anger. Knowing he’d gone to have dinner with Esmer’s parents last night, this was reason enough to be concerned. I crawled out of bed and ambled over to the kitchenette.
“All right,” I grumbled. “Tell me everything.”
He shrugged, still staring into the distance. “Not much to tell. I screwed up. Esmer hates me. It’s over. We’re done.”
“Oh-kay, I’m just going to move this”—I picked up the knife he’d used to slather peanut butter and honey on his toast, and set it over a napkin on the opposite end of the table—“right here where it can’t do any harm.” When that didn’t get a reaction, I sat beside him, leaned my elbows against the table, and dropped my face into my hands. I even smiled and blinked really fast to convey that I was all ears.
My brother took another bite of his toast and said nothing.
I dropped the act. “Come on. It couldn’t have been that bad. I’m sure whatever you said or did in front of Esmer’s parents—”
“This isn’t about her parents,” Charlie said quietly. “I hurt Esmer.”
“I’m going to need a few more details, little brother.”
“She was trying to tell me something hard and painful about her past. I completely misunderstood. Thought she was trying to…” Some color rose to his pale face. His eyes lowered to his plate as he set the toast down. “Anyway. I cut her off. Made her feel like I didn’t care. I tried to apologize but she kicked me out.” He slowly pushed away his plate, bringing his face closer and closer to the table, until his forehead was resting against it. “I’m the biggest moron on the planet.”
“Not necessarily,” I said, patting him on the back. “But you are a guy. Cut yourself some slack.”
My brother shifted just enough to give me the stink eye from above the tabletop.
I grinned. “There he is. There’s my lovable Mr. Scrooge.”
“I’m so glad the end of my relationship amuses you.”
I shook my head. “It’s not over until she says it’s over.”
“You weren’t there. You didn’t see her.” Charlie wrapped his arms around his head; all I could see was a tuft of brown hair. “I shouldn’t have gotten
