“Well, if you’re open to helping me understand, I’ll be grateful, but if it makes you uncomfortable, that’s okay too.”
I shake my head. “I’m good. Better than I was earlier. I can help you. I want to. I want you to fit in. It could be the difference between life and death for me.” I shudder at the thought.
He reaches over and grabs my hand, not letting it go. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you, Eve. It’s my job.”
I swallow, hating that he had to add that last sentence. I’m a job. He’s here to protect me. I’m emotional and confused about him. I find myself having all sorts of inappropriate thoughts about him. Partly because I react to him unlike I react to any other man and partly because this is all a ruse. It’s not real. I’m not supposed to have any thoughts about Colt. He’s not mine. Or rather, I’m not his.
Colt draws in a breath. “Okay, here goes nothing. So, this spanking. How is it actually a deterrent at all? I mean, Britney was…you know…”
“Aroused.” I can’t help but smile.
“Yes, aroused.”
“Well, for her yes. It’s a deterrent despite the arousal. Or at least it’s meant to be. Britney likes boundaries. It’s their dynamic. Davis is strict with her because she craves it. He makes the rules, and she follows them because it comforts her. It also arouses her to do as she’s told. Not every little is like that.”
He glances at me again at a red light. “But she likes it when he spanks her?”
“Yes and no. She likes that he demonstrates she cannot control him. So, she tests him every once in a while to make sure he hasn’t gone soft, so to speak. Davis doesn’t let her get away with any naughty behavior, so Britney knows she can expect to get punished if she misbehaves. She won’t like it because he also ensures that she gets aroused, and then he won’t follow through and let her come.”
Colt stares at me, the light still red.
“I’m not that kind of little,” I inform him.
He looks back at the road and continues driving. “Can you explain that to me?” he asks gently.
I take a deep breath.
“You don’t have to if you’re not comfortable. I’m just trying to understand so I don’t fuck this up.”
I shake my head. “No problem. It’s just hard to talk about it. But you need to know, so I’m working on it.”
“Okay.” He gives my hand another squeeze. I love how he does that. It’s reassuring. Everything about my life is awkward right now, but when Colt touches me… It calms me. That fact alone should freak me out.
“So, I’ve never had my own Daddy, someone I saw regularly or lived with. There are a lot of littles like that. We play at the club with other littles and do scenes with Daddies.”
“You schedule them?”
“Yes. Often ahead of time or that night.” I turn toward him a bit. “I schedule a time slot with someone and then we negotiate what we’re going to do, either ahead of time or right then.”
He nods, his brow furrowed in concentration. It’s intense, and sexy.
“Usually we agree that I’m going to do something naughty or that I previously did it. Totally pretend. It warrants me getting spanked, so he spanks me. Afterward, just like any scene in a club, the sub needs aftercare.”
“What’s that?”
“The Dom who just did the spanking, flogging, caning, or whatever, looks after the sub, or in this case the little, holding her and giving her water and praise. A spanking gives me a sort of high and I separate from myself a bit. It leaves me shaking and raw. Woozy. I need a blanket and cuddling.”
He pulls up to my apartment building and looks around.
I don’t say anything else while he concentrates on our surroundings. I’m looking around too, hoping no one is lurking in the dark. Finally, he enters the parking garage, and we remain quiet while he parks and leads me into the building.
We don’t speak again until we’re inside my apartment. He helps me out of my coat, then removes his before leading me to the sofa. When he sits, he pats the spot next to him. “Are you too tired to continue?”
“No.” I shake my head as I lower myself awkwardly beside him. I’d rather finish this odd conversation than leave it for later. At least right now I’m not currently in a panic.
“You were telling me about aftercare. I think I get it. Like the act of getting spanked draws you into a state of relaxation that leaves you depleted.”
“Exactly.” I blow out a breath. He gets it.
“So, do the uh…Daddies spank you for pain or pleasure? You, in particular, I mean.”
I lick my lips. “Doesn’t matter. I don’t sleep with them. It’s not what I need.”
“Oh.” He looks surprised. “You never have sex with them?”
I shake my head. “Nope. I want the release I get from a spanking. I enjoy spending time in my little space relaxing. It’s not sexual for me.” Or it never has been. I’m startled by my reaction to Colt. I think it’s because the lines are blurred between us. I’ve been attracted to him as a man from the moment I met him. The sort of guy I definitely want to enjoy a night between the sheets with.
I shouldn’t be interested in him at all. It’s not rational. But I can’t help that I’m attracted to him physically, nor can I help that his job is going to entail him pretending to dominate me at the club for the sake of keeping me safe.
“But it’s sexual for Britney?”
“For
