“Okay. So, you go to the club, meet up with a Daddy. He spanks you. He snuggles with you. Then you leave and go home alone.”
“Yes.”
“And this is the sort of relationship you have with Owen?”
She nods. “Yes.”
“But you see him outside of the club too,” He points out, his voice lifting as if he’s asking me a question. My dynamic with Owen is confusing to him.
I shrug. “Only because I ran into him at his bar one night. I didn’t know he owned it. I talked to him for a while, and then we started meeting sometimes for coffee. We’re just friends.” I glance at him and roll my eyes at his incredulous expression. “Even though you don’t believe in that possibility.”
He holds up both hands in surrender. “I’m not the one who has to believe you,” I tease.
I chuckle. “Owen gets me.”
“Okay, okay. Now… Don’t answer this question if you don’t want to, but do you date other people who are vanilla and have sex with them?”
I smile. “Yes.”
He swallows as if this makes him a bit unnerved. It’s cute. Him thinking about me having sex with other men and it disturbing him. I feel kind of powerful right now.
Nothing can happen between us, and I’m certain he agrees, but the thought that he’s attracted to me is enough to bolster my ego.
“Are you dating such a man right now?”
I smile again. “Nope. And before you ask, it’s a complicated arrangement. Believe me, I know. I don’t share my little space with anyone ever outside of Surrender. It takes far too much trust to get to that level of comfort. It opens up vulnerability that I can’t deal with, so usually, my sex involves a one-night stand after a night out with coworkers or something. Always at his place. I don’t bring men here.”
He stares at me.
I roll my eyes again. “Oh, don’t get all righteous on me. Men have one-night stands all the time. Why can’t women? And, let me point out, for every man on a one-night stand, there’s a woman beneath him. Or…on top of him.” I grin.
Colt chuckles. “Okay. You’re right. I just can’t really picture you doing it.”
“Well, I’m not a robot. I like sex.” I shrug.
“But you never mix it with your little space.”
“Right. Maybe I could if I found the right Daddy and entered into an actual relationship with him. I don’t know. Maybe not.” It’s kind of sad when I hear myself tell this. My life consists of scenes with men I don’t sleep with, and sex with men I don’t share my life with. Pitiful.
I guess I’ve dreamed of having a Daddy in my life like Davis or Roman or any number of other Daddies I’ve met, but I’ve never even come close to having a relationship like that, so I’ve convinced myself I don’t even want or need a permanent Daddy. Being little is something I can do all alone without a Daddy. Just like no one needs a man to have sex. I’ve got vibrators. They work too.
“You’re thinking awfully hard,” Colt points out.
I shake the thoughts from my head. “This arrangement is beyond awkward.”
He nods and reaches for my hand again, staring at it and stroking my knuckles while he speaks. “I know it is, and I’m also certain I shouldn’t reach out and touch you like this. It’s just that…”
“It calms me.”
He lifts his gaze. “Yes. When you get agitated, I’ve noticed I can relax you with a touch. I’m blurring the lines between us though and that’s dangerous and unfair. You’re an attractive woman. Fun. Witty. Smart. If I met you randomly somewhere, I would be interested. But it’s inappropriate to get involved with you. I’m here to do a job.”
My heart rate picks up. This is the first time he’s voicing the elephant in the room. “I’m attracted to you too. If I met you randomly somewhere, I’d pursue the one-night stand I mentioned.” I grin.
He returns the smile. “I’d take you up on it in a heartbeat. But let me just say something to squelch that idea.”
I swallow. I’m not super fond of squelching the idea. Part of me would like this man to fuck me into the middle of tomorrow, damn the consequences.
“I like you a bit too much.”
I scrunch up my face. “That’s the most absurd line I’ve ever heard. Ranks up there with ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’”
He chuckles. “True. What I mean is that I’d never walk away from you after one night. It wouldn’t be enough. And one night is all I have to offer. I don’t have the kind of job that’s conducive to maintaining relationships. I work too much. Sometimes I go deep undercover for months at a time. That’s not fair to a woman, so I don’t get into relationships. When I meet someone I find myself craving for more than one night, I turn and run in the opposite direction.”
I cringe. “That’s so sad.”
He shrugs. “It is what it is.”
“Well, we’re even then, because I don’t do relationships either. What I’d want doesn’t exist in any sort of world, so I’ve arranged my life so that it works for me. I get what I need from a Daddy at the club. I get what I need from vanilla men on the side without much discussion. In between, I take care of myself.”
He frowns. “That seems kind of lonely.”
I lift a brow. “Less lonely than your life?”
“Touché.” He glanced down at our combined hands. “Do you mind if I continue to touch you like this?”
“No.” My voice is soft. I don’t mind at all. I like it. I wish I could have more, but I can’t. So I’ll take what I can get. “Do you mind sleeping in my bed like we did last night?”
“No.” He smiles at me. God, I love his
