Becka pursed her lips. She should have considered that bribing her shifter guards with whiskey likely wasn’t enough to keep her secrets from Maura. Not that it mattered, the house was full of staff and family and she hadn’t exactly kept her opinions to herself.
“We control neither our emotions nor whom we care for,” Becka replied. “Regardless of how my feelings came to be, they are still real.”
Maura shrugged her off. “Emotions are amazing and wonderful things, but they are a byproduct of our surroundings. To be clear, I’m not implying that your affections for the enforcer aren’t real. What I’m saying is that these feelings are a natural result of the time you’ve spent together, which has in fact been a very short time, intensified by dire circumstances.”
Becka felt led down a series of logical arguments by a master speechmaker. “Sure…” Becka searched for a point to argue with her mother, but Maura wasn’t wrong. In fact, she had a solid point. But just because their relationship had started with a trauma didn’t mean it wasn’t real or worth exploring.
“I’d point out that, if you spent a similar amount of time with, say, your intended, you could develop feelings there just as easily.”
Becka rubbed her forehead. “I don’t feel you understand the extent of the differences between Alain and me.”
“Then illuminate me, daughter,” Maura replied.
Maura’s expression was receptive, and their conversation had been so direct, that Becka decided to take a chance.
“After Tesse’s death, Alain was cruel and nasty to me. Angry with me because I looked like her but wasn’t. Sometimes when I see him, his expression mirrors those angry, ranting moments of his, and it brings it all back fresh. And when I was recuperating after Woden’s attack, he didn’t seek me out. Didn’t check on me. Sure, he wants an alliance with House Rowan, but I feel like a consolation prize. Every time I speak with him, the tension between us gets worse. We have nothing in common.”
Maura held up a hand, and Becka quieted. “You met him after Tesse’s death, a trying time for you both. From what I’ve heard, you have also rebuffed his efforts since. You need a new beginning.”
Becka took a deep breath. “What I need is to break the engagement. It’s not something I ever agreed to!”
“Do you have any idea how many agreements and contracts House Rowan has, all of which I inherited overseeing? This engagement is not unlike any of those others.”
“But you always said you loved Vott from the moment you met…”
Maura smiled, but sadness filled her eyes, and Becka immediately regretted her words.
“I have always loved him, but understand, our families arranged our marriage too. It’s fae custom. We only met a week before the ceremony.”
That morsel was not a part of the story that Becka had heard before. Perhaps, in her childhood naivety, she hadn’t thought to question if she’d gotten the full story.
“I know arranged marriages began after the Great War to rebuild our numbers and strengthen our powers, but in modern times we have access to technology which could better serve that goal.”
Maura nodded. “I appreciate your education, Becka. It will serve our house well. But you speak of human technology. You must realize it’s rare for them to share anything with the fae, especially something which might aid us in returning to our past glory. So, we use what means we must.”
“I read the engagement contract. It’s antiquated and reads like a boilerplate law contract.”
Maura shrugged. “I’m not sure what else you were expecting, but it’s good you familiarized yourself with it. Now you know there’s only one way out for House Rowan: a right to divorce if there is no progeny within five years.”
“That still requires me to marry him.”
“As you say. Perhaps Quinn might settle for being your paramour?”
Becka knew better. “Quinn isn’t the type to settle.”
Maura waved her off. “Then it can’t be helped. You’ll have to find a way to come to terms with the situation.”
Becka felt like a rat trapped in a cage. When she boiled down her stress and anxiety about being heir of House Rowan, the single largest component was her engagement to Alain. Sure, she was concerned she wouldn’t master her gift or that she might hurt someone with it. And she woke up from nightmares about being captured by a Shadow-Dweller again at least once a week. But her lack of power over the engagement contract was maddening.
“I don’t know how to do that right now,” Becka finally replied to Maura.
Maura gave a single nod, and, seeming to understand they’d talked the topic to death, moved on without missing a beat. “Did you know Berak and Saana have requested a session with you when you’re feeling up to using your abilities again? They’ve brought in a cursed candidate who’s willing to give your Nulling powers a try, even while knowing the risks.”
“Yes, I heard. I’d love to help them,” Becka replied.
“Wonderful. I’m scheduling it for tomorrow.” Maura sighed, her exhaustion again overtaking her features. “Becka, I need your willing participation, not just as a member of our family but also as heir to maintain our power base. Your headstrong traits will serve this house well, once you know how to apply yourself and then actually do so.”
Perhaps Maura was right. If Becka was here to stay, being more connected to the council and daily Rowan affairs would help her adapt. Yet the conversation about her engagement grated at Becka.
Becka needed to leverage her relationship with her mother, moving it beyond the struggle it had been so far into a mutually beneficial partnership. Somehow…
“You’re right. This is not the life I’ve created or braced myself to deal with.”
“Be patient,” Maura
