“Shh. Listen carefully. You can do this. Take the elevator to the ground floor. I will go out ahead of you. Draw their attention. I will see if I can lead them away from the windows. Then you will need to escape as quickly and as quietly as you can.”
“Dorran, stop.”
“Try to get to the river. I think that will be the fastest way out of the city. Take one of the boats, get to a rural road, then find a vehicle.”
“Stop.”
“You know the country well enough to get back to Winterbourne, don’t you? And you know how to keep the garden running. Seal the doors. Defend yourself. It will be hard, my dear, but I know you can do it. I know you can survive.”
Tears ran freely. Clare hit her fist against his chest, a weak punch that replaced her lost words. She bowed her head to rest it against his shoulder as she cried. “I’m not leaving.”
“Shh. Shh, my darling.” Hands ran over her back. “I know this is hard. If you need time, I understand. We can sit together a while more.”
Clare felt as though she were arguing against a wall. Every other time she’d fought with Dorran, he’d allowed her concessions. This time, though, he wasn’t even giving her a chance to object. She clung to him, terrified and sick. “I’m not leaving you. I’m not living in a world without you. That’s what you said to me, remember?”
She felt him smile into her hair. “We were never equal in that quarter. I could not take this world without you. But I think you will be all right without me. We both knew that I was just temporary.”
“How—” She leaned back, words choking in her throat. “How dare you.”
Dorran grinned at her. Clare wanted to be furious with him. It wasn’t easy when there was so much affection and adoration shining in his eyes.
“You have been the best part of my life.” His thumb came up to brush tears from her cheeks. “I wish I had told you that more. I wish I had done a lot of things better. I was so occupied with trying to be the kind of man you wanted—”
Crushing sadness was dousing the anger. “That’s why you agreed to help me get to Beth’s bunker, isn’t it? Because… you thought you weren’t good enough? Because you were trying to buy my love?”
The sadness in his eyes was the only answer she needed. “I am not the kind of man you would have chosen in a better world. I know that.”
“Dorran, you idiot.” She pressed her lips against his. It was a messy, frenzied, and helpless kiss. She tried to push her emotions into it, trying to show him physically how she felt when her words failed. He responded, leaning into it, arms circling around her to hold her tightly. When she finally released his mouth, she leaned her forehead against his. “You’re the best man I’ve ever met.”
He looked aside. He never seemed able to make eye contact when he was complimented. Clare’s heart ached for him.
“If I’d met you before the stillness, I would have thought I was luckier than I deserved.” She traced her fingertips over the hard lines of his brows, down his strong nose, and across his lips. “If I’d met you before the stillness, I would have loved you just as deeply as I love you now. I would have loved your good parts and your flaws. I would have married you.”
His eyes flicked back to hers. They held a deep longing. One of his hands left her back and wormed between them, to feel inside his pockets. When it came out, it held a ring.
“What…” Clare stared at it, shocked into silence.
“I… I found it when we passed that broken jewellery store. Not very romantic, I know. But I didn’t want to give you any of the rings my family owned. I wanted something that wasn’t tainted by them.” He swallowed and blinked rapidly.
“Dorran…”
“I know it’s foolishness. There are no priests to marry us. No one to care whether we were or not. But I just thought, perhaps…”
She wrapped her hands around his and held it against her chest as fresh tears spilt over. “It’s not stupid. Give me the damn ring.”
He pulled her tightly against himself. They were both laughing, giddy, and she thought he might be crying, as well, though it was hard to tell. He pulled her around so that she could sit in his lap properly, resting against his chest with his chin grazing the top of her head. He placed the ring into her hand. Clare threaded it onto her shaking finger. “It’s beautiful.”
“Hm.” He sounded happy. “It will be something to keep. To remember me.”
She shook her head. “I won’t need to. We’ll get out of here. We’ll figure it out. And when we get back to Winterbourne, we can be a proper team. Our own little family.”
Dorran didn’t respond. Uneasiness ran through Clare’s stomach. She leaned back to see his expression. “I’m not leaving without you.”
He blinked down at her, calm, loving, and sad all at once. “You will need a distraction to escape the tower. There is no other choice. At least, by doing this, I can ensure you get out of the city unharmed.”
“No.”
“It’s all right, Clare. I am content with this choice. Please… please don’t make saying goodbye any harder than it already is. I don’t think I can take it.”
She shut her eyes and clung to him. “I’ll make it as hard as I need to. You can’t force me to leave.”
For a moment, the elevator was silent. Clare could hear Dorran’s heart, beating too fast, under her ear. The crackling storm outside. The distant chattering of hundreds of hollows racing through the building.
Dorran took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It doesn’t have to be right now. You need time to accept it. I understand.” He rested
