After sitting outside for a while, he decides that we will just order pizza, since it’s gotten so late. Over dinner, he tells me what he did with the girls and how hard it was to let them go. It makes me so sad for him, yet so hopeful that soon they will be here with him for good. I have no doubt that he will get those girls.
“So, Blake told me today that his dad wants to meet me,” I tell him watching his reaction.
“He’s your dad too McKinley. I think it’s great and about fucking time.”
I smile at him because he’s right it is about fucking time. “He wants to have dinner tomorrow at Blake’s. I’m nervous and excited and I’d really like you to be there with me. If you’re free.”
He chuckles and leans over the table pressing his lips to mine. “When it comes to you, I’m always free. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else than right there with you.”
After a night of showing each other how much we love each other, waking up today and going to work was not what I wanted to do. Thankfully, I had left work clothes at his place and was able to sleep just a bit longer. The day is dragging and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. The more I think about it, the more nervous I get for dinner tonight.
I talked to Blake this morning and he said that his dad would be there around seven, so I asked Braden if we could get there around six-thirty. He didn’t even think twice when he said of course. He told me to go home and get ready and he’d pick me up and drive there. I thought that was the best idea considering I might at some point want to run.
Once I get home from work, I take a much-needed shower. I’ve got my hair and makeup done and I’m standing in the closet trying to figure out what to wear. I mean what the fuck do you wear when you’re meeting your father for the first time? I feel this pressure of wanting to make a good first impression yet wanting to tell him what an asshole I think he is. “Ugh.” I need to just pick something and be done because Braden is going to be here soon.
I settle on a black sundress and pair it with simple flip-flops. Looking at myself in the mirror I see an adult with curls in her hair, makeup on her face and, yet I feel like a child. I’ve wanted this my whole life, to find my real dad. I never had expectations of what I thought he would be like, but now with everything that has happened over the last few months, I’m terrified he won’t be anything like Braden is with his girls.
“McKinley?” Braden calls and I snap out of my thoughts, looking behind me. He walks into my room and smiles. “You look beautiful.”
I frown but nod my head as I wrap my arms around him. “Thank you.”
He lifts my chin and searches my eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m just nervous. It isn’t an emotion I’m used to,” I say, giving him a half-smile.
“No, it isn’t. My girl is fearless, but you know what?” I lift my eyebrow and he winks before continuing. “That’s what I’m here for. I’ll be strong when you are weak, I’ll be fearless when you are scared, and I’ll fight when you give up.”
I press my lips to his and the tears I was holding back fall. He is so much more than I deserve, and I will never take that for granted. Breaking the kiss, I finally feel my first real smile. “Thank you for being you.”
“McKinley, you never need to thank me for loving you. It’s something that comes natural, like breathing,” he says, wiping my tears away. “If you are alright, we should really go, otherwise your dad will be there before us.”
When we pull up to Blake’s my heart is pounding in my chest and I take a deep breath. I wasn’t this nervous to just show up at his door, I don’t know why it’s getting the best of me now. I close my eyes briefly, thinking about all the bullshit I had to deal with before I got here. If I could survive that alone, I can handle this with the love and support I now have.
“Let’s go,” I say opening the door.
Thankfully, we made it before he does. Braden and I are sitting out back with Blake and London. The conversation has been steady, but nothing about tonight. Nothing about how strange this whole situation is or how awkward it might be. They are talking about friends, books, TV, the damn weather, but no mention of why we are all here.
I’m wringing my hands together and looking out at the sun reflecting off the pool as it begins to set. This feeling of anger is building up inside of me and I don’t like it. I haven’t felt this way since I left Louisiana. This need to just yell because I’m so damn frustrated. Closing my eyes, I try to get myself to relax, but it’s not working.
“Why the fuck are we talking about everything else but what is actually happening here? I’m about to meet the man who wanted nothing to do with me for the last twenty-nine years and I don’t give a fuck about what you all watched last night,” I yell, getting up and walking toward the pool.
This isn’t me. I’m too invested in all of this. I shouldn’t give a shit what that man thinks of me, but son of a bitch, I do. I’m not the same person I was when I first got here. I’m full of love and dare I say, faith. Everyone has
