“I don’t get why you’re so upset though. I mean you’re both older now. Surely having sex with a girl you clearly have feelings for is a good thing right?” she says.
“I don’t have feelings for Kimberley,” I say. “Well except hatred and resentment.”
“Right,” Callie smiles. “I get it now. Having sex with her sure showed her.”
I groan and bury my face in my hands, ignoring the lingering scent of Kimberley on my fingers.
“So here’s the thing,” I say, focusing on Callie rather than Matt. “She told me she misses me. I’ve waited so long to hear those words. To be able to rub them in her face and laugh at her for throwing me away like fucking trash. To tell her it’s my turn to break her heart and walk away from her.”
“Only now you can’t because of the merger?” Callie says.
I could just agree with her. Make out I’ve come here for a pep talk off Matt about not blowing the deal. The way she’s looking at me though, like she actually cares, tells me she deserves more than a lie.
“Only I couldn’t because it’s not fucking true. It took everything I had not to tell her I missed her too. I didn’t know I felt that way until she said it, and then it hit me like a fucking hurricane. It’s been four years and I still miss her. How pathetic is that?”
“Pretty pathetic,” Matt says with a laugh.
Callie elbows him and shakes her head.
“It’s not pathetic at all Sebastian. We can’t help who we fall for.”
“Clearly,” I smirk, looking at Matt. “Or you wouldn’t even be here.”
I wait for a dig back from Matt and when one doesn’t come, I risk looking at him, risk the amusement being written all over his face. It isn’t there. Instead, he looks concerned.
“You know what? I’m going to go make some coffee,” he says.
He walks over to the kitchen area of his apartment.
“I always knew you were still hung up on Kimberley,” he says as he puts the coffee on. “But I guess I thought seeing her again would make you realise it was a thing of the past and allow you to move on.”
“That’s exactly what I would have thought would happen too. But I don’t know. Even after all this time, she just has this effect on me. Like I’m different when I’m with her. I turn into a horrible, snarky dick head. But if I let myself get past that, I’m happier when I’m with her than at literally any other time.”
I groan loudly.
“I’ve done it again haven’t I? I’ve let her get under my skin.”
Callie gives me a sympathetic look.
“Maybe she feels the same. She did say she’d missed you,” she says.
“No,” I say. “Kimberley isn’t the settling down type. She’s married to the job. She might have missed the sex, maybe even the laughs we had, and for a moment, she let herself believe she had missed us. But deep down, she knows she’s not up for any more than a one night stand.”
“I don’t mean to be rude, but she doesn’t sound like a very nice person,” Callie says.
Matt laughs.
“She’s actually very sweet. You’d like her. She’s ambitious, but she’s not the kind to go around leading men on and then breaking their hearts,” he says.
He comes back over with three steaming mugs of coffee which he places on the table between us. I pick a mug up and sip it as Callie shakes her head.
“It sure sounds like that’s what she’s done to Sebastian,” she says.
“It’s not like that,” I say. “I haven’t exactly given her any reason to believe I had feelings for her. In fact, I’ve gone out of my way to be a massive dick to her. I just can’t seem to help myself. I have two modes round Kimberley. Lap dog or guard dog. So yeah, she has no reason to think I was interested in anything other than a quick fuck for old times’ sake.”
“So what happens now? Are you going to tell her how you feel?” Callie asks me.
“Nothing happens now. I go back to my life and she goes back to hers. And no, I’m not going to tell her I missed her, because what’s the point? What happened between us happened and now it’s over and done with. And that’s that.”
“So you’re going to go back to being a dick with her and blow this whole merger?” Matt says.
“Do you have to make this about work? Can’t you see your brother’s upset,” Callie says.
“It is about work,” I say gently. “And that’s all it can ever be about. I’m not upset, not really. It’s just the wine talking. I should have stuck to bourbon.”
Callie doesn’t look convinced and I turn to Matt before she can say anything else.
“And in answer to your question, no I’m not. I’m going to be professional and so is she,” I say.
“Look if it’s going to be a problem for you, I can talk to Joe and have him send Kimberley back to her old office a bit quicker than expected. I’ll come up with something,” Matt says.
I shake my head quickly.
“No. Don’t do that. She’ll know it’s got something to do with me. Really, I’m fine. I’ve had some sort of epiphany moment or whatever you want to call it. I’ve finally let myself accept I missed Kimberley and yeah, I guess that’s why I have commitment issues. And now I have to finally let her go. And I think I can do that much easier if I just stay out of her life rather than arrange her career for her.”
“Ok, whatever,” Matt says. “But …”
“Yeah yeah I know. Don’t let it get in the way of work and all that,” I say.
“Actually, I was going to say if you change
