The turmoil fades and his eyes are suddenly stony and cold, like he’s flicked some switch inside of himself and turned his emotions off.
I wish I could do the same, but I can’t.
“I’m sorry. This isn’t open for discussion. You will spend the rest of the week here getting your affairs in order and you’ll be expected in London in two weeks’ time.”
“And that’s your final word on the subject?” I ask.
He nods his head firmly. “It is. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a call to make,” he says.
I sit for another second, forcing myself to swallow past the lump in my throat. “Then I might as well give you my final word on the subject,” I say, pleased my voice comes out sounding level. “I quit. Effective immediately. I trust that you won’t try to stop me or sever my bonus?”
“If that’s what you want, then no, I won’t do either of those things. Your final paycheck will be forwarded to you and I’ll see that HR provides you with a glowing reference. Goodbye Sierra.”
His words are the final blow. They sting like he’s cut me. I really thought he would come to his senses and fight for me, if not as anything personal, then at least as a valued member of staff. I nod curtly and stand up. I leave the office and go to my desk long enough to grab my handbag from the floor. I turn and walk away. I can hear Sandy calling after me, but I don’t turn around. I don’t want her to see the tears shining in my eyes.
How the hell did it come to this? Even as I was sleeping with Chance, I knew it was a mistake. I knew we could never be more than just a fling. I knew I was risking losing my heart to him, but I didn’t know I was risking losing everything. My career, the job I’ve worked so hard for. It’s all gone. I think Chance will keep his word and make sure I get a glowing reference, but that’s hardly much comfort. I deserve a glowing reference because I’m damned good at what I do. I don’t deserve this though. To be shipped off, thrown away like trash, just so Chance doesn’t have to face his mistake every day.
I can’t believe I thought that there was hope for us. I had also believed Chance felt the same way I did and that somehow, someway, we had a shot of making things work out between us. I was naïve. So naïve. And I have no one to blame for this but myself. I should have been strong and just walked away. Now I have no choice on either score.
Chapter Twenty-One
Chance
It’s been over two weeks since Sierra left the company. I told Matt and Sebastian she left due to personal reasons and they seemed to accept my explanation. I mean it’s not really a lie. I tried to send her to another branch and she refused to go. That’s a personal circumstance right? It’s most certainly a circumstance neither of my brothers need to know about, and they have no reason to dig any deeper. If one of them told me one of their assistants had left the company, I wouldn’t feel the need to involve myself in it and they have the same attitude to my side of things.
I honestly thought I would feel better by now. That having her gone would stop me thinking about her. It hasn’t. Not even close. She’s on my mind twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and I’m starting to think that won’t ever change, that she’s just moved into my head and is setting up camp there.
And now, it’s not just thinking about how amazing she is. It’s thinking about how massively I screwed up. I wish I could have just talked to her, to have explained to her how I felt and told her I just needed some time to go back to normal with her. She might have been hurt or angry, but not as hurt or angry as she is now. I think she would have understood and if nothing else, she would have been happy that I was at least honest with her.
At least that way, my thoughts of her wouldn’t have been all regrets. I’ve caused all of this shit and I’ve achieved nothing. I’m still consumed by Sierra. I still can’t concentrate on work. And for what?
Nothing, that’s what.
A knock on my office door pulls me out of my thoughts, but not for long, because my instant reaction to the knocking is that I don’t know who will be at my door, but I know it won’t be Sierra. And it should be Sierra. She’s the only person I want to see right now.
“Come in,” I shout, trying to hide my resentment at being disturbed.
Sandy sticks her head around the door. “I’m just reminding you about your meeting at four.”
I stare at her blankly for a moment, wishing she was Sierra.
“You told me to remind you,” she says, looking a little bit lost, like she’s not sure what to do with my blank stare.
I blink and force myself to focus on Sandy and act like a normal person for a moment. “Yes, thank you. Is everything ready?”
She nods her head. “Yes. Everything’s in place in the conference room like you asked.”
“Thank you,” I say again.
She nods and closes the door softly behind her as she retreats.
The day Sierra left, I called her into my office and promoted her to my chief assistant. I told her I had been prepping her to take over the role and that’s why I had been relying on her more heavily the previous week. I don’t know whether or not she believed me, but if she didn’t, she pretended to and gratefully accepted the promotion.
My personal phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out and
