I return her smile. I wish it was that simple. It was at one time. Sierra was into me. And then I fucked everything up.
“You don’t have to wait here you know,” she says when I don’t reply.
“Of course, I do. I might not be ready for being with someone else, but that doesn’t make me a total jerk. I’ll still make sure you get into your cab safely.”
She laughs softly. “Then you’re already a better guy than most of the ones I date.”
“Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve,” I say.
“I could say the same thing to you,” she replies.
I frown.
She laughs. “Look, I don’t know what went on with you and this girl, but if you’re this hung up on her, call her and tell her how you feel. She might not want to date you, but at least you’ll know you gave it your best shot. On the other hand, she might be feeling exactly the same and thinking you’re not into her. What have you got to lose?”
“My pride,” I admit.
“Ah, there’s no place for that in a relationship. Call her,” Tiffany says.
I am really tempted to take her advice. I took Nathan’s advice about moving on and that turned out to be shit. Maybe Tiffany’s advice will work out better. But I know I can’t call her now. Not when I’m tipsy. I vow to myself I’ll call her first thing in the morning.
Tiffany’s cab pulls up.
“Can I drop you anywhere?” she asks.
“No, I’m going to walk home. I need a bit of air. But thanks for tonight and for the advice. I’m going to call her in the morning.”
“Good for you.” Tiffany gets into her cab. “Good night and good luck.”
“Good night,” I reply as I watch her cab pulling away, then I turn and set off towards home. I need to try with Sierra. God, I really, really hope I’m not too late.
It’s funny, because when Tiffany and I talked before she got into her cab, I felt a tiny flicker of hope inside of me that this would all work out for the best. Now as I walk the quiet streets alone with my thoughts, I feel more dejected and hopeless than I had since the morning Sierra quit her job.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chance
I woke up early this morning, long before the sun came up. I was instantly filled with thoughts of Sierra. I still want to call her. The idea hasn’t faded away and although, I’m terrified of what her reaction will be, Tiffany’s words hang in my head. The two options. She either feels the same way as I do and she is just waiting for this call, or she doesn’t and at least this way, I’ll know for sure.
I thought about the phone call the whole time I showered and dressed then all the way through my first cup of coffee. I want to call her right now, but it’s still so early and I don’t want to wake her to have this conversation and start off by pissing her off before I’ve even opened my mouth. I decide to have breakfast and then call her.
I go to the fridge and pull out a small tub of yogurt. I’m too nervous to eat much more and after a couple of spoons of it, I realize I’m too nervous to even eat that. I throw the remaining yogurt away and check the time. It’s almost seven and if Sierra has found another job, she’ll definitely be up now. She probably will be anyway, so she can make sure Hayley gets all sorted for school on time. I know now, I’m only procrastinating because I am afraid to make the call, so I stand up purposefully and grab my phone.
What’s the worst thing that could happen? Well, she could tell me to fuck off and rip my heart out. But is that really any worse than this limbo of not knowing if there could be a chance for us? I really don’t think it is. I think right now, the worst thing that could happen is that I lose my nerve and don’t make this call.
I scroll through my contacts and my heart skips a beat at the sight of Sierra’s name. I press call quickly before I can change my mind and I begin to pace the room as I listen to the phone ringing.
I am about to give up; she clearly has seen my name on her screen and decided against taking the call. I guess that tells me everything I need to know without the indignity of me having to beg her to hear me out. I start to move the phone from my ear when her voice is in my head, and this time, it’s there for real.
“Hello,” she says, somewhat breathlessly.
“Is this a bad time?” I ask.
“No,” she says. “I was just upstairs and I forgot my phone was downstairs until I heard it ringing. What can I do for you?”
She started out friendly, a conversational tone that gives me hope this mess between us can be salvaged. As she asks what she can do for me, her voice hardens and I know it won’t be easy to convince her to give me a chance. But I don’t care if it’s hard, as long as it’s possible.
“You can forgive me for being a massive asshole,” I say.
That gets a soft laugh and I imagine I can feel her warm breath on my ear.
“Is that an apology?” she asks.
“No, but this is. Sierra, I’m so sorry. I let my feelings get in the way of my professionalism, something I promised myself I wouldn’t do. And you paid the price. And I really am sorry.”
“Thank you,” she says, but she doesn’t say anything else.
I hurry on in case she tries to end the call. I just have to get
