“But?” Matt prompts me.
“But it happened again at Sebastian’s wedding. We agreed that would definitely be the end of it. We had one glorious night to share, and then we’d be back to professional.”
“Right,” Matt says thoughtfully. “But obviously that didn’t work out did it?”
“What makes you say that?” I ask.
“The fact you called me to tell me this,” Matt says. “So you two got back home, realized you had something special and Sierra stopped working for you?”
“I wish it was that simple,” I say shaking my head.
I sit down opposite Matt and run my hands over my face. I look up and meet his eye for a moment and then I look away. This is hard enough to talk about without having to watch Matt’s face as I explain just how spectacularly I fucked up.
“I thought I would go back to work after the wedding and just forget about what had happened. But I found myself thinking of Sierra constantly, and it was getting to the point where I was losing focus. I tried my best to avoid her, but of course that just made my longing for her worse. She came into my office one day and I just couldn’t help myself any longer. I grabbed her and kissed her, and that’s when I knew something had to give. I was acting unprofessional and I hated it. I arranged for Sierra to be transferred to our London branch, and—”
“You did what?” Matt exclaims.
“I arranged for her to be transferred to our London branch. It wasn’t a made up spot, there was a position open that would have suited her perfectly and it was a promotion and came with a nice pay rise.”
“But if she wanted to go to London, she might have told you that,” Matt says.
“Yeah. Exactly. To say I screwed up on that one would be the understatement of the century. She was pissed off to say the least, and knowing I had upset her bothered me way more than it should. So I switched off, became detached. I told her it wasn’t open for discussion and she quit.”
“Shit,” Matt says. “That explains her sudden departure then. Mind you, I wouldn’t have guessed her personal reason was you being a dick. Although, I maybe should have.”
“Yeah yeah, you’re not telling me anything I don’t already know here. I know I was a dick, I just don’t know how to fix it,” I say.
“You want her to come back?” Matt asks.
“No. Not unless she wants to. That isn’t what this is about. I-I have feelings for her Matt. Even now, I can’t stop thinking about her. I really want to get her to forgive me and give us a chance, but the more I try to fix things, the worse I seem to make them. And I don’t know what to do. She’s talking about leaving, and then I’ll never see her again. I have to find a way to stop her from going, but I don’t know how to do that. That’s why I need your help. I mean you fucked up pretty bad with Callie in the beginning but she forgave you. How did you make her come around?”
“Hold on. Are you saying you’re in love with Sierra?” Matt asks.
I pause for a second. Is that what I’m saying? I don’t know if it is really what I wanted to say, but I do know it’s exactly what I feel. I nod my head and finally meet his eyes. Instead of the amusement I expect to see there, I see his mind working overtime.
“Okay. So if you want to get her to stay, then you have to put yourself out there and give her a reason to stay. Tell her how you feel. That’s how I got Callie to come around. I was honest with her about my feelings.”
“Yeah, I’ve already tried that and I made it worse,” I say.
“What did you say that could be worse than trying to send her to another country?” Matt asks.
“I told her how I feel about her,” I say.
Matt laughs softly. “No… this is you. Your idea of telling her how you feel probably ended up in you insulting her or something.”
I sigh. He’s not exactly wrong about that one. “I went for a drink with Nathan last night. I told him a bit about this, and he convinced me I wasn’t really into Sierra, that she was just a good lay and that’s what I was fixating on. He told me to get laid and said I would feel different.”
“Oh, you didn’t?” Matt exclaims.
“No. Not exactly. I got to talking to a girl in the bar and she was nice, attractive too and I enjoyed her company. But when it came down to it, all it did was make me see that it was about a lot more than just sex with Sierra. I put the girl in a cab and came home alone. It was this morning when the real problem started. I knew I had to win Sierra back, so I called her. I apologized for being a douchebag, and I think she was starting to come around, I really do. So I launched into this speech about how I didn’t want anyone else but her, and how last night proved that.”
“You told Sierra you had to be with someone else to realize you had feelings for her?” Matt asks, incredulous.
His reaction is pretty much the same as Sierra’s, except his hurts a whole lot less than hers did.
“Pretty much, yeah. She told me to leave her alone and never call her again. So what do I do Matt? Because I’m not ready to
